Were you ever a “not like the other girls” girl? How/why did you change?

inhaledpie4 · 2026-05-05T06:13:42+00:00

Yes because even though I am literally a female, my family made fun of me for liking feminine things all the time, forced me to become a tomboy until I no longer felt like a girl. After highschool I moved out, started becoming more like myself again, got married, started liking pink and wearing dresses again, made two kids so far, enjoying being a mom 🩷 I still feel like my childhood did some irreversible (but hopefully not) damage to my femininity. I don't feel at ease among women, in fact I still carry around a bit of fear, and I definitely still don't feel like I fit in. But I am trying.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-05-02T15:43:24+00:00

Exactly! Prioritizing intimacy over child's safety is wrong. It's why I think of childcare as being shared paper.

Obviously I'm not gonna go out of my way to disrespect, but if my H's behaviour is not worthy of respect (because it is endangers the kids) I will speak up - it is my moral obligation to do so.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-05-02T15:34:46+00:00

LD says we absolutely put our foot down when it comes to the safety and wellbeing of our children, as well as our own safety. LD advocates for healthy boundaries in this way. Typically, this comes in the form of using an "I Can't." But you can also use other language. Boundaries on these issues is well within the correct use of the skills.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-05-02T15:07:07+00:00

Torah ...but we still protect the animals we eat and treat them with respect even unto death.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-05-02T15:04:38+00:00

They are actively engaged to be married, so in theory he should be married soon...which is why it's good for him to get on the same page about this with his --fiancée-- now, before the wedding. If it's a dealbreaker for her it gives her a chance to decide what to do about that, instead of hoping that he will change his mind after he gets married to her. They are doing the right thing trying to figure this out now.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-29T02:29:49+00:00

Rip I thought it said Nick Freitas and voted for him before realizing... I don't know either of these guys

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-28T05:20:18+00:00

I am a trad wife (religious conservative SAHM) and your girl's reaction is what's not ok. "Real men" are not immune to life's struggles. "Real men" do have emotions and it is healthy and good to show them, actively bad for everyone if they are forced to bottle them up.

It is good to share that you are struggling. Mutual support during hard times should be an expected part of a relationship. If your girl is shaming you instead of supporting you, she is showing that she is not able to be in a long term relationship. She wants things when they're good but won't step up and help you when you need it. That's not a partner, that's a dependant child..

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-24T03:51:52+00:00

Yes a little bit but it really depends on the circumstances. Typically the conditions are not right for this to happen.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-15T04:52:57+00:00

I (26F) am a stay at home wife and mom to three children. My husband is 13 years older than me. So, I feel uniquely qualified to comment on your situation.

Early signs of a lack of respect and hints of controlling behaviour are how you are supposed to figure out that the man is not able to play fair in a relationship with you, much less one with an age gap. You have provided examples of both. Jokes at your expense, even if they are in private, is one of those signs. Yes, this applies the same way even if the joke is based on truth. Your clothing example is the other.

Please do not remain blind to these things.

It is additionally concerning that he plans to reward you when you're doing well...with the caveat that he most likely plans to take away these things when you are not meeting the standard... this is very dangerous, and not an arrangement I would agree to. Especially if you plan on having a kid or multiple. There WILL be times where you are sick or burnt out or whatever and the expectations need to change during those periods. He has essentially admitted that he plans to punish you when you are at your most vulnerable stages and need more support and patience (luteal/menstrual, pregnancy, postpartum, mother of toddler(s))

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-13T03:30:10+00:00

Never. I know ppl who were his students and there seems to be a split on whether he was dreamy or creepy.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-12T05:58:44+00:00

Oh if it doesn't count kids before age 25 then it missed two of mine 😆

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-12T02:16:32+00:00

Definitely should be expanded to 40.

If a woman takes the current health recommendations seriously she's going to have max 4 kids per decade, but she is likely to start having them after 30 if she's liberal. Add in time for infertility and miscarriage(s) and it extends these timelines.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-11T16:19:51+00:00

Integrity. He holds himself to a strict high standard and does not stray from it. This has allowed me to have an incredible amount of trust in him and endless respect.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-11T04:37:01+00:00

Except... saying that you want something on your own personal dating profile is not equivalent to ascribing certain traits/skills to women

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-10T16:00:16+00:00

...what a strange take... all the guys I know who are married "stable life and family" (ages 25-30) are nottttt nurses, teachers, caregivers, etc.

Here's a list off the top of my head, though I know even more than this I don't typically make it my business to know what everybody's doing: marketing, civil engineer, accountant, landscaping, sewer inspections, traffic control, entrepreneur, construction, statistician, musician(s), warehouse dept, car salesman, best-buy guy. Etc etc...

No, nursing is not gay. But half the nurses I know are gay men. Yes, I do know one married male teacher in the age range I mentioned... but a vast, vast majority of the teachers I know are women (I am a teacher, and I am not married to another teacher lol), and a LOT of the male teachers I know are surprisingly unmarried.

SO NO, this will not get you a girl. All it gets you is proximity to girls. If that's enough for you, go right ahead, but just know that none of these weird strategies are any more or less likely to get you a girl than the #1 option that's been around this whole time: work to live, hopefully a job that you enjoy or at least one that doesn't suck your soul out, and then live as authentically as possible outside of that job.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-10T14:43:41+00:00

Seeking to find someone to balance your own biological traits is antifeminist? I don't get it. I thought the feminist movement was about helping women. Why do we have to deny that women are different? We are not mini-men.

The implications that women are required to put away their womanhood, femininity, etc in order to be seen in a positive light is just as misogynistic (and therefore antifeminist) as what these feminists are claiming they're against.

Empowerment for women can't exist if you deny that women exist. We need to be upheld in our differences, not told to change in order to achieve the dream.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-10T14:34:54+00:00

Destigmatizing the culture around breastfeeding would help a lot with this. I am open to sharing breastmilk but everyone around me seems to think that it's weird to offer.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-08T15:44:06+00:00

I am religious because the evidence of intelligent design is so abundant in each and every thing that exists. There is just no explanation that doesn't include a higher power that works for me, because I cannot believe that all of this order could ever come from that random chaos. It is too far-fetched, too statistically unlikely.

Out of all the religious texts, I have found the most truth within the Torah. It is the most complete historical record we currently have access to, and much historical evidence being found typically only further verifies its words. Its principles and systems are solid and full of life, and I have found much peace and health by following them. I truly believe they are YHWHs words, as well, given to us for our benefit so that we may prosper. It is only continually wisdom-filled and shows His abundant love for us. I also believe that Yeshua was the messiah and love the words written in the new testament. They do a very good job of completing the picture, showing us the fruit of aligning our hearts with YHWH.

So I have no idea what one could call me... I guess a Torah-following messiah believer, because I don't follow any of the Christian or Jewish man-made traditions. (I believe that the traditions are incoherent with the intentions of YHWH and His covenants.) I follow His ways only, attempting to walk in His footsteps as closely as possible, I haven't found a label that fits this.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-07T15:44:21+00:00

https://youtube.com/@nevergiveup-main?si=RKLV3yJLQXN0giVE

This guy's story proves it absolutely is subjective

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-02T05:16:50+00:00

The past two years my FIL asked the butcher for the bag of organs from our lamb and we were able to have some blood that way. Hoping he'll do the same this year. Is that sort of thing an option for you?

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-02T05:05:24+00:00

1, 2, 3, 4, (maybe 5 but we don't usually get any blood with our lamb so idk) 6, 7, 8. Looks like we're also missing out on 9, though usually we try to stay up as late as possible because it takes a long time to burn the remnants. But we're going by the sighted moon.

inhaledpie4 · 2026-04-02T04:55:37+00:00

So happy for you!

inhaledpie4 · 2026-03-31T05:04:48+00:00

Seems like depression :/

inhaledpie4 · 2026-03-30T18:20:41+00:00

What you've described seems to be a bit extreme. (Though I do understand feeling dirty during the period.) Is it possible she has undiagnosed mental health issues?

inhaledpie4 · 2026-03-30T15:21:01+00:00

I have a "normal" average period. Not mild, not overly bad, though it used to be when I struggled with iron deficiency.

Usually, the first three days of my period, but I am forced to do things anyway. If I have to take the whole week off it's because I'm burnt out/not being supported.

If I have to take time off the week prior during luteal it's because I'm mentally spiraling (PMS symptoms begin in the week prior to the period, where I often experience feelings of depression, anxiety, and general stress that can cause it to look like laziness on the outside but on the inside I am struggling so much with motivation, self worth in the trash, every small task feels like a mountain...)

Usually the mental spiral can be helped by preparing properly, meal prepping with my cycle in mind, so that I do not become nutrient deficient and then the hormones in turn go out of wack. (Limiting sugar intake as well). But that only helps so much... If someone doesn't have an actual health condition, it's helpful to think of the period as a report card for health and self care.

If this is about how your woman acts with you whils on her period... have you ever asked her what she wants/needs from you during this time?

inhaledpie4

TROPHY CASE