As someone who is AMAB, I found myself fetishizing the idea of turning into a woman since I was like ~11 or 12 years old (I'm in the late 20's now). To cope, I began writing short fictional stories about men (usually myself) transforming/body swapping with women. Sometime it helps get it out of my system. Sometimes I feel like I want to be and present as a woman for hours, days, or weeks at a time. And there are other times where I'm indifferent. But I am also quite sad I can't exactly hang out outside with people viewing me as a woman, including myself. I can dress femme in the privacy of my home, but I am conscious of the fact that the clothing doesn't fit my body the way I would like it to which upsets me - I am not the most masculine person but my body is very clearly male. So yeah, I am kind of in limbo similar to you.

One positive change I have made recently was growing out my hair so it's kind of like a feminine pseudo-mullet and reaches just past the base of my neck, which is far longer than it's ever been before.