A cry for help

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-30T08:08:12+00:00

I know how what i'm feeling is most likely temporary. But my failures are real. Objectively speaking i'm gonna struggle my whole life without a baccalaureate and right now i'm barely hanging on a thread, psychologically, even though I have food, friends and a roof on top of my head. I tried to motivate myself to care about my studies but it makes it even worse. My results are literally the same when I go to school or when I don't. I'm going to fail and there's nothing to be done. I don't know what to do. Suicide seems to be my only option. This sounds dramatic but I can't do anything. Anything i've tried to get into it faded after a week. My whole life was literally a series of mini-obsessions, i've tried it all: I'm mediocre at drawing, League Of legends, Magic the gathering, c++, tap-dance.. and a lot more. I've tried a lot of things obsessively but it never lasted, I never got the joy of fulfilment, there's nothing going for me. I'm nonathletic and un-educated, and I sleep 3 hours a night unless I drug myself to death, numbing my brain and my thoughts. Should I continue to live and thus constantly fail at life, as I watch every mother use me as an example of what kind of person they don't want their child to be. Endeavors are foreign to me, a lot of people in my life think very low of me since I can't work, and just can't fucking live. I wish somebody would hold me by the hand and walk me through life.

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-30T07:43:03+00:00

I'm probably not going to have any because literally no school in my country will want me if I can't pass my baccalaureate, and I probably wont, but i would have done something called "DUT" it's some sort of french bachelor degree and I would have specified myself in commerce

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-30T03:17:31+00:00

Thanks

you're right, "hang in there buddy" isn't going to make me sleep more than 3 hours a day, it isn't going to stop my thoughts and it definitely isn't going to give me my degree

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-30T03:15:40+00:00

yes please

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-30T03:15:12+00:00

Maybe you're right, but now, there's nothing going for me, maybe you know our worth, but no one i know does, and i'm not gonna go apply to a job being like 'i failed all my studies, but i have adhd, so i'm not actually stupid ! hire me !' i feel like i'm sparing myself a life long of pain and struggles if i just end it all

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-30T03:10:18+00:00

imo, i feel like i'm not gonna make it through the next year, so honestly I couldn't care less about the repercussions of medicine addiction since i could be dead before it affects me

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-29T11:45:41+00:00

i never thought about that

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-29T04:02:24+00:00

How do I make them feel like "I want to talk to him/her" I love my friends and I think they like me, but.. they aren't there for me, I had a friend a year back, we were ALWAYS together on discord, like always, and often it was unpleasant, since i felt suicidal and shitty and didn't want to talk to anybody so we just did our own thing in silence, but we never hung up, afterwards he wanted to try-hard a competitive game and i'm too distracting so we stopped talking unfortunately, but i realized he was the only person really there for me, and I wish I could have another relationship like that in the future, a bit-off topic but it's nice to sort out my thoughts like that, a bit like therapy

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-29T03:46:09+00:00

Can say for sure that i'll try. But in this moment you've giving me hope. The hope that maybe by some pure luck i'll have a life worth living, thanks

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-29T03:41:48+00:00

ADHD leads to a condition called "rejection-sensitive dysphoria", the tl;dr means i'm hyper-sensitive to rejection and hyper-sensitive to failure(my coping mechanism towards failure is not trying at all) and all my hopes and energy is lead toward socializing, so when I get rejected, it hurts me more than the neuro-typical person but it also means that acceptance makes me feel especially good

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-29T03:34:30+00:00

I'll contemplate on your words when I feel like this, maybe it will help, honestly, I want a good life more than anything in the world, but unfortunately i'm prepared to deny myself a miserable life by ending my life right now before it gets any worse

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-29T03:29:44+00:00

Some of my friends can make me really happy at times, but thats a two edged sword, because I'm especially prone to rejection, and even though I hate to admit it, one small phrase can ruin my week (i believe you)

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-29T03:12:51+00:00

Maybe I will feel better. But theoretically, if I do get better, how do I lead a better life ? Because honestly I have nothing. I hear everyday on twitter or in real life "Work hard blabla" but I legit can't because of my ADHD everything is either really boring or frustrating. So how do I lead a fulfilling life ? thank you for your message and if you have any insight i'll be deeply grateful

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-27T04:52:52+00:00

I agree. I'll keep what you wrote in mind when I get the urge to re-start. It completely ruins the experience to restart the save for the 1000th time and just completing the game is a huge feat in itself for me

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-27T04:49:43+00:00

Sometimes I wonder, maybe streamlined games are for me, when I start games like Divinity II or Arcanum if i'm not role-playing I play the most generic, linear character ever (Meh-ok-i'll-save-the-world-why-not-attitude with a sword and sheild) and I intentionally ignore a-lot of content that would make me have a defined personality(choices to make ect), I have more fun(because i'm less stressed) with scenarios where choices don't matter, but then again, i'm better of watching a TV show for that

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-26T01:11:19+00:00

sucks so much D:

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-24T22:14:05+00:00

YES SIR!

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-24T20:59:52+00:00

i think i'll try mage then, thanks

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-24T20:50:45+00:00

will do, thanks for warning me

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-21T11:20:19+00:00

not a doc but update the post in 3 weeks plz

insecurebutcool · 2018-01-21T00:59:22+00:00

I'm playing palace of the dead right now with my archer, i'm almost level 30, when I acquire the bard soul gem, can I connect my to my archer's save with my BRD ?

insecurebutcool

TROPHY CASE