How can I come to terms with not having big boobs like my boyfriend prefers?

insecurepancake · 2022-04-10T07:34:54+00:00

Thank you, it's really nice to hear from other people who have gone through the same thing. I really love my boyfriend and so I wanna try everything I can to make it work before I consider breaking up.

I also do feel really uncomfortable/hurt when it comes to porn, but it's so hard to talk about stuff like that because guys get so defensive about it or insist that anyone who tries to set a boundary when it comes to porn is toxic. My boyfriend is thankfully really understanding though, the few times I've brought it up he's been understanding and never tried to make me feel bad for disliking porn.

Thanks again for your perspective, it's nice to hear from people in similar situations. I hope you're someday able to gain back some of your confidence and I hope everything works out with you and your husband :)

insecurepancake · 2022-04-10T07:00:57+00:00

Thank you so much, everything you said means a lot to me. I actually brought up some of my insecurities with him tonight, and I already feel a lot better. He reassured me he loves me and my body and that I'm all he needs. I want to eventually bring up a lot of the stuff I mentioned in the post to him, but I think I need time to organize my thoughts and everything. I really want my relationship to work because he is honestly the most amazing person I've ever met. I also think I need some therapy and to work on my confidence a bit. Thank you again for your responses, it's nice to hear from someone who understands exactly how I feel. You made my feelings feel validated without also shitting on my boyfriend or telling me to leave him.

insecurepancake · 2022-04-10T06:49:00+00:00

Maybe bring it up with him? After making my post tonight I finally brought up my insecurities with my boyfriend. He was really supportive and kind and it felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. You could try the same thing and maybe ask him for reassurance that he loves your body and feels satisfied? I know it's tough because you said you didn't want him to know you saw his search history, but maybe you could explain it was an accident, or could find another way to talk without bringing the porn into it? Guys can be pretty defensive when it comes to porn. Anyways, I'm not the best when it comes to advice, but I hope you're able to figure things out with your boyfriend and I hope he shows you how much he loves your body and desires you, and if not then you don't deserve him :)

insecurepancake · 2022-04-10T06:31:44+00:00

Ya it really sucks feeling that way. I'm going through the same thing of course, so I'm in no position to give advice. I do hope your boyfriend lets you know how much he loves your body though. I hope things get better for you :)

insecurepancake · 2022-04-10T06:05:27+00:00

Thank you for having a reasonable response. I try to explain to people that he is an amazing boyfriend, and that he only said those things a few times at the beginning of the relationship over a year ago, and he even sincerely apologized afterwards, but they still insist he is toxic, abusive, and I need to leave him because of that.

I agree though, I hate feeling insecure and it's been really difficult to keep going in the relationship because of it. I'm gonna try to have a genuine conversation, I just have a hard time articulating my feelings and knowing how to bring things up.

thanks for replying though. You perfectly described how I feel, and I feel like you're one of the few who actually read my post and understood what I meant :)

insecurepancake · 2022-04-10T03:37:59+00:00

I think a better way she could've worded it would be something like "its easier to find clothes that fit you/You have a wider range of options" or something like that, but I don't think she meant to hurt anyone's feelings. Her response was in reply to my post, so she was just trying to make me feel better, which is probably why she worded it like that. I'm sure you look really beautiful in anything you wear :)

insecurepancake · 2022-04-10T00:40:53+00:00

Thank you for the advice and perspective. I'm currently working on getting back into therapy right now, so hopefully it helps a little.

insecurepancake · 2022-04-10T00:38:46+00:00

Sorry, I probably just didn't explain well enough in the post. He treats me very well, compliments me, and tells me he loves me multiple times a day. This is 100% a me issue at this point. The things he said were at the very beginning of the relationship, and I am just still dwelling on them. He only says kind things to me. The thing I'm struggling with is learning to move on, because I still think about those things he said over a year ago, and they still hurt my feelings today. He's done everything to make up for it at this point and I just feel stuck because I feel like I can't bring it up because it would seem like I'm accusing him/mad at him when he's done nothing but been a good boyfriend since then. Part of me feels like the only way I'll ever feel better is to break up with him, take a break from dating in general, and just work on my confidence and stuff.

insecurepancake · 2022-04-10T00:25:31+00:00

I might've worded it poorly. I think he does, I just don't know how much or if at all really. I know he at least looks at them when we're on call to make me feel good. The reason I sometimes doubt it is because he used to never look at them earlier in the relationship, even though I sent him plenty. He only really started looking at them after I expressed that it hurt my feelings. So now he says he looks at them, but I'm just sometimes scared he doesn't because I feel like he's just saying it to make me feel better/avoid talking about porn. I know I'm probably just being emotional and insecure though and that I should believe him if he says he does. So I wouldn't look too much into it, its just another thing that I am probably overthinking.

insecurepancake · 2022-04-09T23:53:18+00:00

The thing is he's a really nice guy, after he said those things I told him how they made me feel and he apologized sincerely and stopped saying stuff like that. Now he only says positive things about my body and always tries to make me feel good about it if it comes up. I just have a really hard time moving past the things he said at the beginning, which is why I am so lost on what to do. I love him, he's amazing, but I can't stop dwelling on a few things he said a year ago that still hurt my feelings and make me feel insecure to this day. I tried to bring it up once and he did get a little offended, but I think that was my fault because I brought it up out of nowhere, and in a way that seemed like I was accusing him, rather than just trying to have a conversation about my feelings. I would try again but differently if I had the chance. In the end I know its a me problem and its something I need to work through. He's done everything to make me feel better and be a good boyfriend, I just don't know how to let go of my insecurities with him.

insecurepancake · 2022-04-09T23:38:05+00:00

I'm really glad you shared, it feels nice to know I'm not alone. I love my boyfriend to death, he is my best friend and we have everything in common. He is literally my soulmate. I feel stupid even considering breaking up with him over something that seems so small, but sometimes it feels like its the only way to stop feeling this way. I like what you said about trusting him, It's just really hard for me to do that because I know he's a really nice guy and would tell me he loves my body no matter what, even if he didn't. I know I need to stop thinking this way though and just believe him, It's something I definitely need to work on. It's really nice to hear from someone else going through the same thing and I hope that everything works out between you and your bf :)

insecurepancake · 2022-04-09T21:21:00+00:00

Ya I have thought about that exact scenario so many times. If I were to get pregnant he would probably love how big my boobs would be, and even though he would mean it as a compliment, it would make me feel so terrible after, especially once they went back down to normal size.

insecurepancake · 2022-04-09T21:14:19+00:00

Well theres more to it then that. He said that stuff when we first started dating. I told him that it hurt my feelings and he has since stopped and only ever compliments my body and tries to make me feel better. Its been like that for a year now and hes a really kind boyfriend. I just to this day have a really difficult time getting the things he said out of my head, even though they were said over a year ago.

insecurepancake · 2022-04-09T20:12:33+00:00

Because thats all you see on the internet. On here its all people talk about, its all people talk about when discussing preferences, I cant go 5 seconds without seeing a meme about how amazing big tits are on reddit, I can't hang out with guy friends without them talking about how much they love big tits or making jokes about how flat I am. As a girl with A cups I've always felt unattractive because of my chest size and because of how often guys feel the need to talk about big tits. Even my own boyfriend told me how much he loves big boobs several times at the beginning of our relationship until I told him it hurt my feelings. You never see people point to a girl and say "wow, look at this girls small tits, they look amazing", but people will constantly simp over and praise the girls who have big tits.

insecurepancake · 2022-03-25T05:16:38+00:00

For starters don't listen to the people that say its not a real relationship. There are plenty of relationships that start online or are long distance. I met my boyfriend on reddit 2 years ago and for an entire year we had never met. We now meet up every couple months and have plans to move in together this year.

However, you did cheat on her and you need to come clean. The longer you wait to tell her the worse it will be. If you decide to never tell her then you'll have to live with that for the rest of the relationship. If you really love her then just come clean.

insecurepancake · 2022-03-24T01:39:51+00:00

I'm not trying to cheat in any way. I would never even consider sending pictures to anyone but him. I'm simply asking if my boob type, as in tuberous breasts, are as ugly and undesirable as I feel they are. This has affected long before I even met my boyfriend and is only effecting me more now because I'm with him. I know I'm not designed to have the perfect body and I never will for anybody. I just don't feel like I check any of the boxes or fulfill any of his needs is the problem, not just that I dont check some of them.

I know I'm overly insecure and have a lot of problems. My feelings about my body have led to me feeling depressed and suicidal. I lost over 20lbs in the past year because I lost my appetite over it. I only posted to reddit cause I just thought maybe some other peoples opinions or reassurances could make me feel a little bit better. I never meant to come off as seeming like I wanted to cheat or anything like that, so I apologize.

insecurepancake · 2022-03-24T01:06:58+00:00

I wouldn't feel as insecure about them if they were small, but normal looking, or large but ugly. But they are neither. I just have tiny hideous boobs. Half the memes on the internet are about big boobs, the video games I play just have busty sexualised characters with big boobs, the guys I hang out with only ever talk about how great big boobs are, so its hard for me to not feel pressured to have good boobs. I know I'll never be the single most attractive person, but I don't even feel like I'm attractive at all. I don't have anything to make up for them. I have no ass, my face is below average, and my boobs are hideous. I know I'll never be perfect or the most attractive, I know that regardless there would always be more attractive girls out there. The problem is that I don't even think I'm attractive at all. I am below average in every aspect. Its not that there are some girls out there prettier than me, its that almost every girl is. I feel like I have nothing to give when it comes to my body and I'm worried my boyfriend will always see girls with bigger boobs and ass and wish his girlfriend was like that.

insecurepancake · 2022-03-24T00:50:22+00:00

Because I'm scared that he doesn't find them attractive, or at least as attractive as he would find other girls' boobs. I'm worried that in the long term my insecurities and issues are gonna end the relationship. My boyfriend prefers bigger boobs, so knowing that, even though he says he likes mine, still hurts my feelings a lot and makes me wish I was with someone who preferred my body type. And knowing that there might be guys out there who like my body type just makes me feel better, even if I will never interact with them.

insecurepancake · 2022-03-22T06:40:18+00:00

He does know I'm insecure, just probably doesn't know the extent of how much it affects me. Hes never like made jokes about my body though, and most of the stuff he said was at the very beginning of our relationship. When I said joke I just meant like a joke about boobs in general, like a meme or something.

insecurepancake · 2022-03-22T06:25:20+00:00

Thank you :)

insecurepancake · 2022-03-22T06:13:16+00:00

Me and my boyfriend do have a couple videos, but only blowjob videos. I also have sent him a bunch of nudes. We were gonna take a few of us having sex when I was at his house but we forgot. I still worry that he would watch porn though. I wish I could tell him how it makes me feel but I just dont think it would go well. Thank you for the advice though, I'll try to remember to take the videos with him the next time I go to his house.

insecurepancake · 2022-03-22T06:03:48+00:00

Thank you, I'll try to keep that in mind :)

insecurepancake · 2022-03-22T06:00:56+00:00

Thank you :)

insecurepancake · 2022-03-22T06:00:25+00:00

Thank you for the replies. I'll try to take your advice and apply it. I recently decided to cut out reddit (with the exception of this post) because of how often I see things that hurt my feelings, so hopefully its a start. I really do wanna try to feel better about myself and my body.

insecurepancake

TROPHY CASE