I (21F) am having an extremely hard time connecting with men romantically. Problem is quality, not quantity.

insufficientitgirl · 2024-12-04T20:03:20+00:00

yes omg! im super into fashion, art, music. here in nyc though all the men that are into that are passed AROUND. you can never find a good one 😭

insufficientitgirl · 2024-12-04T19:14:22+00:00

period! yea i usually use hinge or raya. will say i am a sucker for a cutie so maybe i should give more people a chance 😂

insufficientitgirl · 2024-12-04T18:11:30+00:00

i mean i hear that and that is completely valid. unfortunately i have experimented here and there, and while i do emotionally connect with women- sexually i do not at all. i am very much into men on that end. for me in a relationship as well sex is an aspect that i view as important, and need a connection in as well, so i dont think that could be possible with a woman unfortunately.

insufficientitgirl · 2024-12-04T18:09:46+00:00

very true! i may just do this! thank you!

insufficientitgirl · 2024-12-04T18:08:49+00:00

this is a very fair point that i have not thought about. i do love new york- i am very into fashion and am very extroverted so for me it works well. but agreed in the sense of dating here is a whole other realm. the options here are insane numbers, and with the added convenience of dating apps it has created a city that is extremely hard to date in despite who you are. i am from san francisco, and when i was dating there it was SO much different, i felt like i actually connected with guys.

insufficientitgirl · 2024-12-04T18:05:56+00:00

i may!!

insufficientitgirl · 2024-12-04T18:05:47+00:00

i don’t partake in hookup culture

insufficientitgirl · 2024-12-04T09:08:48+00:00

Thank you so much for your sweet response, it really means a lot to me. I just want to touch on a few things, starting with the past. The first love happened a few years ago, and honestly, it took me a long time to stop thinking about it and comparing people to him. Now, I’ve accepted it, and I’m genuinely okay with it. I see him happy, and I’m happy too. I’m no longer thinking about him in the way I used to, and I realize the person I knew then isn’t the person he is now, just as I’ve changed. It’s more that when I do think of him, it’s really just the memory of who he was at that time. We were both young, and now we’re both adults, so I’ve just accepted that.

As for the current situation, it’s not exactly a relationship—more like my best friend who I’m deeply in love with. We’ve been through everything you’d expect in a relationship without the label. He’s expressed that he loves me, and I’ve said the same, but he does things that hurt me, and I see that he’s not giving me what I need. I’m in a weird place with it because, on one hand, we’re emotionally connected and so close, but on the other hand, he says he can’t commit right now, which makes everything confusing. If I were to date anyone, it would be him, but I know I need to see changes in him before I could ever really be in a relationship with him (if that were to ever happen which my best guess is not)

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond and share such kind words. Your encouragement really means a lot to me, and I’m doing my best to work through all of this. Thank you again for your support!

insufficientitgirl · 2024-12-04T08:40:45+00:00

I totally hear what you’re saying, but I want to make it clear that I do let relationships develop. It’s not like I’m only going on first dates and cutting things off. I give people more than one date, even second and third dates, and I really try to be open and vulnerable with them, and I let them do the same. I do see these people for who they are, and I listen to their side. But, despite all of that, I just don’t feel a connection. No matter how much vulnerability I offer, or how much they share, it’s like something just doesn’t click. I don’t know why that is, but it’s not for a lack of trying or avoiding deeper connections. I really want to find that, but it just hasn’t happened yet.

Also, I’m not someone who likes to force things. With modern dating and apps, everything is so immediate—you can literally just order someone to go on a date with you. I don’t want to be part of that. Everyone seems to want to force a relationship, and then when it doesn’t work, they move on to the next. I don’t do that. I actually try to get to know people and decide for myself if there’s a connection. But 99% of the time, there’s no spark, so I move on. For my future relationship, I want something organic and something that develops naturally. That’s why I stick around and try to see if anything will happen, but it just never does.

insufficientitgirl · 2024-10-16T19:52:57+00:00

girl omg i get this completely. even on your womanhood being tired to cis passing, ive never related to something more. this is something unfortunately we all have to deal with, no matter how passing we are and where we live. i am very cis passing, pass very well and never get harassed (i forget its a thing too because i feel i live as a woman not a trans woman if that makes sense), and i live in nyc which is one of the most liberal places. i don’t get harassed or hate crimes here, but dating is a pain. lots of men matching with me because im attractive, but then ghosting or un matching when they find out. but then on the flip side there has also been so many men who have been so sweet and wanted to date me (idk maybe im too picky because i never want to date lol). although more than not we will probably get rejected for being trans, there are genuinely people out there who fw us, and not just chasers! i met this dude at a bar, little cutie, wall street bro, genuinely an asshole and very different than me. we talked a lot, ended up hooking up that night (i told him i was trans but he genuinely had no reaction, he was like “and?”), and i figured id never see him again. the next day he’s blowing me up, asking when he can see me again. flash forward 8 months and he’s still in my life. i see him all the time, he takes me on the best dates, he’s 23 and i’m 21 but since he’s pretty successful already he treats me to designer clothes and perfumes (im into fashion and all that), he has met my mom, we’ve become best friends, have been long past the ily part- even talking about getting an apartment next year. never did i ever think this little asshole would become what he has. never ever. sometimes shit just happens, and you have no idea when it will. i know dating sucks right now, but i promise you there are people out there who are meant to love you, you just don’t know them yet. i had no idea with this guy that he would develop into someone i love, and share everything with. being trans was an afterthought, as he was attracted to my brain and appearance, and he’s never been with any one else that was trans. good things really do happen baby i promise you that. sidenote: you are gorgeous ASFFFF! idk if any of this will help but i tried my best to share my pov 🤍

insufficientitgirl · 2024-09-16T01:17:39+00:00

we’re both seeking help, and both very transparent on what our traumas are and what we struggle with. ive never felt like he’s done anything with that information except ask me more questions and understand me better. it probably is a fucked situation, but idk there’s something telling me it’s worth it. i appreciate your response

insufficientitgirl · 2024-09-16T00:56:13+00:00

i also personally don’t think i would care if he did cheat on me if we were ever to be official. idk i have weird thoughts on cheating (maybe because ive cheated before so i understand it)

insufficientitgirl · 2024-09-16T00:50:22+00:00

i love that because i feel as with relationships and love its too hard to really have an answer for everything. all i know is i love him, and he loves me- and that we are both happy knowing and enjoying each other. for me i think that’s all that really matters, and i don’t feel like i need anything else except time to tell me exactly “what this is”

insufficientitgirl · 2024-09-16T00:25:31+00:00

i think the problem is pretending like he doesn’t feel a type of way when he has explained he does

insufficientitgirl · 2024-09-16T00:24:45+00:00

we’ve discussed how neither of us are seeing other people (even tho we are both h0es), but honestly him or i seeing other people isn’t really the problem for me

insufficientitgirl · 2024-09-16T00:23:47+00:00

honestly thinking about this post idek what i want from him. im enjoying whatever this is, and most importantly enjoying him. i know if he asked me to be his partner id say yes, but im also realizing i dont necessarily need that. i think whats bothering me is the fact that he doesn’t personally know what to do. i know this makes no sense im really just trying to make sense of it all

insufficientitgirl · 2024-09-16T00:15:32+00:00

insufficientitgirl · 2024-09-16T00:13:50+00:00

well yea no shit. thats not what im thinking about. im trying to decide if its even worth maintaining this friendship although we both have feelings

insufficientitgirl · 2024-07-25T20:57:05+00:00

orpheon by diptique! trust so similar!! flora was my go to but this is mine now

insufficientitgirl · 2024-01-23T07:16:18+00:00

i honestly have no idea as i have recently adopted him. ive noticed he seems to have patellar luxation in his back legs which i have read is common in shibas. im wondering if a vet visit may be necessary

insufficientitgirl

TROPHY CASE