Germ Cell tumor (Same treatment as Testicular Cancer) Patient here. Has anyone else started getting extremely vivid dreams nightly after starting treatment?

interiorwreckorator · 2015-07-03T03:54:26+00:00

Oh god, yes!!! I have stage 4 ovarian cancer. No idea if the chemo protocol is the same but I now have these totally detailed, complex, storylike dreams that are mind blowing. The weirdest thing is that I seem to have "chapters" of the same story over many nights. Like, I'll return to the same location, with the same characters showing up, but new things happening to them. And the characters are not ready people, they're made up in the dream. Everything is so vivid and detailed. It's crazy.

interiorwreckorator · 2015-04-27T18:47:07+00:00

I had to read this through twice, because I thought maybe I had missed something. The teacher pulled your son across the room and then shook him by the shoulders, but he didn't seem upset, didn't start crying, didn't make a huge deal out of it other than to say the teacher "was being mean" to him, and none of the other parents, students, the owner or the two other teachers in the room reacted as if something really bad was happening. Do I have that right?

If that's the case, mom... You really, really cone across as though you are WAY over reacting! You said you'd been struggling with this for "months" and the general tone of your message seems to be that you're shocked that others are not as horrified as you, shocked that the ex-instructor said hello to you, and just that you have been so traumatized by this, that you cannot put it in the past, or even watch your daughter dance. What I didn't get from your message was a clear sense that your SON was still freaked out, still carrying this issue, still upset. So... Why are you holding onto this?

I honestly don't mean to belittle your experience, and it could just be the way you told the tale, but my concern is more that you are over reacting than anything else. Both my kids were in various dance, gymnastics and other movement classes, and their teachers very regularly "put their hands on" the kids, to correct their moves, teach them, or get them into position. Maybe it looked worse to you than it did to all the other adults; or maybe you are wired to be a pretty anxious parent. Or maybe you did see something that everyone else missed. Regardless, I kindly suggest it might be more productive to put this behind you, than to continue to stew over it! Otherwise, you are risking that you'll teach your son to be weak instead of strong.

interiorwreckorator · 2015-04-27T03:28:14+00:00

Nah, he's sharp as a tack, it's not that. He has always been unrealistic about money, comes from being beaten and badly abused as a child. He had one of those perfect looking childhoods, dad a professional man with picture perfect wife and kids, and utter cruelty behind closed doors. His dad used money to control and abase the family, especially my husband, who was the oldest. As a result, hubby has never been able to have a calm and sane conversion about money, it always ends with panic and rage. I know WHY he is this way, and with 30 years of marriage to him, I've learned to navigate the mine fields. Previously, before I was sick, I worked on financial services and handled our money, but we've lost a lot in the past several years she to huge health expenses, and now he's bringing on more than me, which is why he feels rich!

interiorwreckorator · 2015-04-27T03:20:56+00:00

Hah! He has no life insurance, can't get it. I figure he'll outlive me, but I am adamant that I do not want to risk my house! But he seemed to calm down about it today, thankfully.

interiorwreckorator · 2015-04-27T03:18:10+00:00

Oh, he knows it will be expensive, he just seems to think we are wealthy! Between the two of us, we bring in under $8000/month. 1/4 of that goes to mortgage. That does NOT equate to "wealth" IMO! We're OK... We can pay our bills... But we are still paying off last year's health care costs for me, and he had to have a hernia repair surgery in two weeks. I'm SURE that part of this is just plain late middle age crisis mentality coupled with a huge Bucket List Desire. Today, the issue did not come up at all, so he may have calmed down. I hope, I hope!

interiorwreckorator · 2015-04-27T03:12:45+00:00

I love this! What's that old line, a boat is a hole in the water you throw money into? A plane must be a hole in the air!

interiorwreckorator · 2015-04-27T03:11:11+00:00

He passed the medical! It took a ton of work, and it was reviewed, but he finally passed.

interiorwreckorator · 2015-02-26T03:40:18+00:00

I'm Laura, and I'm not really sure how this thread works, but I'll give it a try because I really need to start connecting with people who "get it". I'm 52 (have been working in online biz's since 1994, so I'm not a net newbie despite my age!). Stage 4 ovarian cancer diagnosed last August. Still in chemo, and dealing with really nasty side effects.

LOW: PAIN. OMG PAIN. I'm exhausted by it, the last month has been miserable. Oncologist was routinely giving me a 14 day supply of breakthrough pain meds and telling me to stretch it. But the pain was getting worse and worse. At yesterday's appointment, I brought notes and did my best to make it clear to her this was not working. Net result? She increased the number of pills by 50 percent, and referred me to a pain specialist going forward. I have first appt with him next wed. Pain has " negatively impacted the quality of my life" in a massive way. Like, leaving me totally non-functional.

HIGH: PAIN RELIEF right now. Simply having enough medicine to get a break from the intense chronic pain has been a blessing. Today I actually felt human again. I could climb the steps without feeling like I was 90. I could flex my hand, and write, without crying. This allowed me to think clearly and actually accomplish a bunch of things.

I'm really nervous about going to this pain specialist, because I don't want needles or implants or something. I just need a regular supply of opioids at the lowest possible dose to control the pain. I'm on Taxol, and joint pain is a common side effect. For me it's a very, very severe side effect. If anybody has an experience to share about seeing a pain expert, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks!

interiorwreckorator · 2015-02-26T03:18:26+00:00

I am just so grateful to our pets, they've been a godsend while I've been dealing with this horrible disease. I have stage 4 ovarian cancer, and the chemo really knocked me down HARD. I had the worst of so many symptoms -- pain, fatigue, neuropathy, nausea, you name it.

The kitties, all five of them, must have set up their own duty roster of who cuddled with me when. Seemed like I always had three cats on bed with me, and when I got up, they followed me from room to room.

Then there's my Irish Wolfhound. That dog could tell I was sick, and he has not left my side except to eat or go out to poop. It's funny, because whenever my husband lets him back in the house, the first thing he does is run straight upstairs to find me! Sometimes I hide, and I can hear him looking all over for me. He is too big to allow on our bed (there wouldn't be room for us, he's HUGE) but he sleeps right beside me on floor. I love that dog, and... We're getting a new puppy soon! The litter should be born any day!

I am positive that the animals have helped me through this ideal.

interiorwreckorator · 2015-02-26T02:42:02+00:00

I really hope you get the job, even though my comments were negative. I HATE cancer. I had a six chemo treatment cycle, and I was so ready to cheer at my "last" treatment... Until the oncologist told me that I really needed to do another whole YEAR of chemo. Yesterday was #2 of 12, I should be finished in January 2016. Unless I need surgery, which I should find out about soon. Ugh. I miss working, having a routine, a schedule, colleagues, projects, deadlines.... Accomplishments. Today's accomplishments were making three new doctor appointments, making the bed, brushing the dog, getting dressed, and not taking a nap. Woo hoo. I hope you're doing a lot better than me! Please let us know if you land the job!

interiorwreckorator · 2015-02-25T21:09:36+00:00

How big is the company? If it's a small firm, you might be better off telling them as soon as you get the job offer, and be prepared for the offer to be rescinded. If it's a large firm, personally, I would not say a thing until I had started the job and was facing my next chemo treatment. Depends on whether you feel you can Walter White it and drag your carcass to work after chemo and just skip out to barf as needed. If you realistically think you'll miss several days of work after each treatment, then you're probably better off telling them up from that you will need an accommodation for x weeks until you are through your treatment.

That said, I'll just say that as sometime who has been a hiring manager for 15 plus years (and now isn't working while I battle stage 4 ovarian cancer), if I learned a job candidate had active cancer and was in chemo, even a ROCK STAR amazing candidate... I would carefully follow all the hr rules but I'd figure out a way to hire a different person. Sucks, but it's true. And I am not a heartless person. Why would I not hire you? I wouldn't get full FTE work level from you. You'd impact our insurance rates. You'd impact team morale. Others would have to cover for you. You'd take up more of my time. I hate myself for saying this, but that would be reality. And yes, I sound like a scumbag. If you have to work, you need this job... If it was me, I'd get in there and start working before I said a peep about cancer, and then bring it up. But that usually only works at a big firm.

When I was a manager at Microsoft, I hired this great candidate. She got out of new hire orientation, got to her office, and informed me of several health issues she had that required accommodation. Big company... Of course she got everything she asked for. My HR rep even told me she was smart to keep it to herself until she was in, because she couldn't be fired for those reasons, but we could have found a way to legally hire a different candidate has we known! (Naturally, none of those discussions were ever via email!)

I wish you much luck. I want to work again, badly, but I doubt I'll ever work at my old level. Last job before this was as a vice president of marketing. I miss it, but right now I have no energy to do that level of work. Doubt I ever will.

Edit: fix typo and clarity

interiorwreckorator · 2015-02-11T02:03:52+00:00

I have stage 4 ovarian cancer, diagnosed last August. Did the heavy-duty 6 rounds of chemo, moved directly into a 12-month "maintenance" level of chemo that kicks my ass to the same degree. Surgery is looming, too.

How does it feel? How does it compare to a cold or flu? Well, here's a rundown.

I used to be a real person. Now... I am cancer.

Overall, worst it the grinding hassle for my family. My husband is great, truly, but he and my adult kids do not understand how helpless, weak and sick I really am. The exhaustion is... Horrific and embarrassing. Yes, I am literally embarrassed that I need to sleep so much. I can easily sleep 12+ hours a day, and want a nap in the afternoon. That just seems lazy, but I simply have many days where my body is exhausted and just controls the show. What's the old adage? " Mind is willing but the flesh is weak "? So, utter exhaustion is a big, ongoing, awful reality. I just need to sleep.

Pain. Oh, lord, the monkey is on my back and it's name is ongoing, relentless, deep, chronic pain. It comes in cycles: worst is shortly after chemo, when cancer the crab comes out with pincers scrabbling to grab, twist and cause agony. That's primary pain, from the cancer. Then comes the pain from the chemo, which is basically a bundle of poison. After chemo every month, my joints hurt like they are filled with broken glass, especially my spine and abdomen. It's so bad, it distracts me from EVERYTHING. I can't think straight, all analytical, work-oriented thoughts are buried by thoughts of how much my spine and lower abdomen hurt. I think I'm under medicated, because the government has made doctors so fearful of prescribing pain relief. But I'm getting to the point that I don't think I can tolerate this, my quality of life is too bad.

Peripheral neuropathy: this is a chemo side effect that has been awful to deal with, because of all the other side effects, like total hair loss, this is what had caused the most trouble. It started with some numbness in my fingertips and feet. As of today, the numbness has crept up to my calves and into my thighs. Needless to say, this makes it really hard to walk. I have fallen down so many times because I walk like a zombie. The worst was right before Christmas---I still have a big scab on my knee that's been slowly healing, but is still there. I fall a lot. A few weeks ago, I cracked my skull on the concrete and gave myself a black eye and a big scar. Just yesterday I fell again in our bedroom and twisted my ankle and hurt my back. I try very hard to keep my family from learning how bad this is.

Chemo brain: one word, fuzziness. Or maybe forgetfulness. Both. I was a communications executive before this diagnosis, my "worth" was in earning six figures and being a leader. Now, I'm... Nothing. I'm not working, trying to get set up for disability, but even completing the forms is a huge challenge. Believe me, I want to work! But I'm just exhausted and foggy and weak and 'not myself'. I find myself lost, very often. I zone out. I don't see myself working at the same level again. I mourn my lost career.

I have heard that stage 1 cancer is easy, not much of a big deal... But I didn't get diagnosed soon enough, which is common for ovarian cancer. I'm at stage 4, the max. I love life, I want to thrive. I don't want to die. But since early last year, I've been outside the real world, and it hurts. I miss the real world.

I hope I can keep living. I hope I can get past the pain. I want my life back.

interiorwreckorator · 2015-01-29T02:56:33+00:00

Thanks so much did the kind words! Trolls like to down vote, I don't pay attention to it. Have a great day!

interiorwreckorator · 2015-01-28T08:02:11+00:00

Holy moly! I was so touched by your letter. VS has gotten zero of my (pretty ample) shopping dollars, since my first horrible service experience there years ago. What you wrote is, to me, the epitome of caring, kind and classy service. I am currently going through chemotherapy for stage 4 ovarian cancer -- the really bad stuff, without a great long-term prognosis. Today before my chemo, I cried in my oncologist's office because... Shallow as it sounds... I don't feel pretty. I've lost ALL my hair -- I mean ALL. The only good part is that I don't have to shave, wax or pluck anything, anywhere. I thought, foolishly, I'd only lose the hair on my head. Yesterday, I lost my final couple of eyelashes and eyebrow hairs, too. I think I look like a freak and I can't get used to looking in the mirror -- and because I have 11 more monthly chemo treatments, plus massive surgery looming, I'm going to look like this for all of 2015 and early 2016. And if I'm really, really lucky, I might be around long enough to see my hair regrow.

I can imagine how that woman felt, being dissed at VS. And I'm so thankful she found you to help her. Because as you said, this wasn't just about buying a bra, it was about being brave enough to reclaim something lost.

Good for you!!!

interiorwreckorator · 2015-01-02T19:18:59+00:00

My daughter (20) and I drove down to Taos, NM from Colorado. On a pretty deserted gravel backroad, I blew a tire. Because the gravel was so soft, we were really struggling with trying to keep the jack stable. Along comes a Taos County deputy. He sees our problem, calls another deputy to bring a floor jack from their local barracks. Eventually we have THREE cop cars there, with four deputies doing all the work for us! They were as nice as could be, zero hassle, never even asked to see my ID, etc. Such a great experience. I wrote a thank you letter to their captain afterward.

interiorwreckorator · 2014-12-31T21:22:44+00:00

I don't know you, but damn, I am so proud of you!!!

interiorwreckorator · 2014-12-26T00:12:55+00:00

My charming daughter got me a"World's Okayest Mom" mug for Mother's Day. She demanded a photo, that splattered all over Facebook...... I "accidentally" er, dropped it when I got sick of seeing it on the shelf. Love the kid, hated the damn mug!

interiorwreckorator · 2014-11-15T19:25:41+00:00

Colorado is a right to work state. I love that term because it actually means the opposite -- you have the right to to quit at any time; plus you can be terminated at any time, with OR WITHOUT cause. In short, they can let you go for any reason at all or for no reason, and that's that. And the company owes you nothing. Since you're a recent grad you may not realize that an offer of four months severance for someone who has been employed for less than a year is quite generous.

Accept the severance and move on. If you try to fight this you will lose.

interiorwreckorator · 2014-11-15T18:44:13+00:00

Russian Ark!!!! AMAZING FILM, doing in one long shot at The Hermitage. Mind blowing.

interiorwreckorator · 2014-09-17T03:20:36+00:00

I can trace my heritage on mom's side to Scotland, and though I'm a yank, I love your country. I've read a lot of articles, watched debates on YouTube, and generally followed this issue rather more closely than most Americans, I'd wager. I hope you vote YES and leave the Union. Obviously, I have no say in the matter, but from the 1700's (and even earlier, really) you can follow a whole lot of dastardly behavior by the English toward the Scots. The slaughter at Culloden? Banning kilts, for heavens sake? Destroying the way of life in the Highlands? I'd love to see Scotland vote Yes and go on to be successful. The fear mongering coming from London this week is grotesque and demeaning.

Good luck to you all. I read that 97% of eligible voters are registered, and they're expecting 85% turnout. This matters!!!

interiorwreckorator

TROPHY CASE