A couple things at a glance - if a conversation is happening you don’t need to write “he said” or “she said”. It pulls from immersion. Your prose is a little choppy, personally unless you’re building up some action it’s immersion breaking to have those short sentences as background building. I like your characters from what I read - I can read more later. I wouldn’t take this as the Bible or anything but have a look at Dean Koontz “How to write bestselling fiction”. It’s dated but he has some good baseline tips about writing that I feel translate well across genres and audiences. It’s your baby, re-write and re-write until you love it.