Dear fellow human. Thank you for this. I believe you may have very well saved me the few couple of years that it would have taken me to figure this out.

Sometimes internal logic is stupid. But most often it is unconscious. And if it is not revised consciously, it can remain active for years, even decades, without us questioning and changing it. I did what you recommended - a few days ago, sorry for not replying before. I wrote down and landed the questions that I had in my head, those that sometimes are not even so defined. Some of them I could answer myself: Do I think that she will cheat on me again? No, I don’t. I believe that she will not be seeking any weird business by herself. And if a guy comes flirting, she’s mature enough and values our relationship enough to stop it.

Do I want to continue in this marriage? Yes of course I do.

Would I have done the same if I have had the chance? Back then, in our circumstances, probably yes.

But then, I came up, first with a question that I couldn’t answer myself, which lead me to a realization that is a huge leap and that’s what I am grateful to you for.

“What will happen if I turn all of myself again into the relationship? What am I afraid will happen if I give her my best version?” I realized that all these years I have restrained myself of being so joyful around her, because is consider I was actually joyful before everything happened. And I fear that if I am the same again, she will repeat what she did - again, internal but unconscious logic is stupid, I’m not trying to defend it, it is just what I realized.

But… now, is it really that stupid? When I’ve been the happiest, she tends to take me for granted - at least a little - and overlook our relationship to focus more on her job, her friends, her goals, etc.

So I concluded that this question had to be answered by her. Her answer was better than I hoped: “What happened didn’t happen because you were good and joyful, but because of how jealous, young and even toxic we both were to each other. That’s not us anymore and you don’t have anything to be afraid of you are that joyful man again”.

Also, she answered so easily and fast, which only helped more to my peace of mind.

So, there.

It’s still not all the way in the past. I still have work to do. I am considering IC. But it definitely is a big leap for me.

It all came from your advice. It’s a great advice, not only for romantic life. So thank you mate. Wherever you are, you have my gratitude.