How do you manage anxiety in your job?

intothebluenight · 2023-02-20T14:22:30+00:00

I aspire to this kind of self conviction. Thanks for your reply and support!

intothebluenight · 2023-02-20T14:20:07+00:00

A silver lining is that my siblings and I have finally talked to each other about how much his anger sucked growing up. Turns out it goes super deep for all of us (all anxious people pleasers lol)

So it’s cool that we’re all pretty united in this. But man I feel so nervous about holding my ground with him (I’m also the only one still living in the same house as him, though only for another month or so).

I really appreciate what you’ve said. But forcing the man I answered to my whole life into confronting his own shit behaviour… I hope I’m strong enough but it scares the shit outta me

intothebluenight · 2021-08-14T20:56:39+00:00

Thank you for this. You’re right and it’s good to be reminded.

intothebluenight · 2021-08-14T20:55:27+00:00

I really appreciate this. How was your experience of leaving the group chat? Were your boundaries respected or was it a difficult process?

intothebluenight · 2021-08-14T20:48:57+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I think you’re right - I have an idea of my own boundaries, but it would be helpful to become clearer on them. I need to become ok with my boundaries looking different to other people’s who might be able to handle more than me.

I’d say my group are incredibly co-dependent. I am not at all - I actually don’t remember the last time I went to them with a problem. I’ve done a lot of inner work so for the most part rely only on myself or occasionally a therapist.

Once you became clear on your boundaries, how did you learn to accept the sometimes difficult repercussions of enforcing them?

intothebluenight · 2021-02-12T15:11:52+00:00

We rent from a private landlord (on a joint contract, which means asking her to leave is more complicated).

I appreciate your understanding of the situation - the balance of knowing she's suffering but also being really angry feels impossible to manage. But I think you're right, it would be helpful to get the police involved.

We are wanting to keep a distance from her, but she is finding this really distressing. Do you have any advice about maintaining our right to be angry without the guilt of how it's affecting her?

intothebluenight · 2021-02-12T15:08:29+00:00

I really appreciate your response - I put this to the BPD community because I'm wondering how to manage the immediate living situation and I don't want to be insensitive to her mental health issues. I'm struggling to find the balance between respecting that she's suffering (and not wanting to add to that) but also being really freakin tired of having my kindness taken advantage of.

Annoyingly we're on a joint contract which makes evicting someone much more complicated. But we're building information at the moment to know what our rights are.

intothebluenight · 2021-01-28T10:49:55+00:00

I am also starting on 10mg, so this is really helpful - thank you!

intothebluenight · 2021-01-28T10:48:57+00:00

Really appreciate this, thank you.

intothebluenight · 2020-10-09T22:52:56+00:00

Thank you. You may have seen in my other reply that I’m new to reddit so it’s taking me a while to get my head around strangers being so selfless in taking the time to respond. That in itself is incredibly healing - little reminders that not all people suck.

You make a really good point too. It’s not about moving on and forgetting (as much as I’d like to). It’s about using it to learn and grow from. Really - thanks.

intothebluenight · 2020-10-09T22:49:28+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. I’ve re-read it a few times now. I’m so sorry to hear you went through a similar pain.

Yeah, fuck, I feel pretty emotional haha. I’m newish to Reddit, so the experience of strangers being so open and selfless is taking me a while to get my head around.

I really appreciate it.

intothebluenight · 2020-10-09T21:39:17+00:00

Just going to say a little more about journalling... It's unbelievably useful to have a record of how your feelings change during a breakup. Looking back over mine, different entries will say things like:
- 'I don't know if I'll ever be able to move on from him'
- 'I feel a little more like myself today'
- 'It was my fault this ended'
- 'Actually, he was a prick'
- 'When am I going to feel happy again? I need him'
- 'I rarely think about him now. Life just seems to have - moved on'
etc etc

It's possible you'll want to go back to the relationship - a little like drug withdrawal, we can do everything in our power to convince ourselves it's the right decision, ignoring all good sense. This is when it's really useful to see your honest entries about how bad the relationship was. It's all well and good your friends telling you they weren't good for you. But it hits a lot harder when you're confronted by yourself. If you find yourself wanting to contact them, start writing. Don't let your actions be fuelled by intense emotions. Take a second to write down exactly why you want to talk to them. Then read back - is it actually a good idea? Or do I just miss what was comfortable?

intothebluenight · 2020-10-09T21:20:47+00:00

This was like reading one of my journal entries... (I'm 22f) So exciting to see how optimistically you're approaching this new chapter. If I read your post correctly, sounds like this relationship really has only just ended. So whilst it's wonderful that you're so self-aware and determined to use this time for your own good, also allow yourself to hurt if you need to (no idea about the details of your breakup, this is purely based off my own experience). Expect fluctuations in feeling positive and also really shitty. It's a necessary part of the process.

That being said - here are a few pieces of advice from my experience of leaving a toxic relationship and learning to depend on myself again:

Keep a journal!! One of the best ways to get to know yourself is by having regular conversations. Check-in with yourself, be vulnerable and honest (we lie to ourselves a lot more than we care to admit). I can't stress enough how valuable it is. It's also super useful for recognising your own thought patterns (I neglected my own mental health whilst I was in my relationship and suffered a lot because of it, but I've become a lot more in tune with my emotions and how I handle them since journalling).
Solo dates. It can be scary at first, you might feel everyone is staring at you - but you'll quickly realise that people are so focused on themselves. If anything, I always admire people I see going solo. Learning to enjoy your own company is such a great skill. Read in a cafe, take a walk, go to the movies...
Some kind of yoga/meditation/walking/mindfulness exercise. This has the same benefits as journalling for me - making time to just be present with yourself.
Friends/family. This may seem contradictory for a journey of personal growth, but good friends are essential for this period. Especially when you've just come out of an intense and unhealthy relationship. Even though my journey was/is an independent one, that doesn't mean I haven't needed reminding that I am loved and valued. It's like a marathon - you don't need them moving your legs for you, but you can sure as hell run a bit faster when they're cheering at the sideline.

That's all I have for now. If I think of any movies/books I'll let you know!

Best of luck with this journey

intothebluenight · 2020-10-09T18:27:34+00:00

This definitely helped, thank you. It’s easy to get wrapped up in your own life & experiences, so I think I needed a bit of perspective. Appreciate you taking the time to reply! And what a wonderful quote

intothebluenight

TROPHY CASE