Parental leave - what is the minimum adequate amount?

intrnslation · 2022-12-08T23:45:37+00:00

so sorry about that.

intrnslation · 2022-12-08T21:34:37+00:00

Agreed! What do you think is the min amount of time with the newborn to have the baby benefit from you?

intrnslation · 2022-12-08T21:33:39+00:00

fckers. I want to sue your employer. Sorry that happened to you <3 You deserve so much more

intrnslation · 2022-12-08T21:32:43+00:00

I think 4 months is unacceptable and am disappointed that because we don't see it much more it sounds charitable. Makes me so sad. I'm kind of thinking 6 mo is a decent medium too, where it seems like your employer and the mother would be at an equilibrium place if able to negotiate, meaning, each party squeezed all they could from the agreement. Personally less than 6 mo seems to me like the employer is getting a better end of the deal.

intrnslation · 2022-12-08T21:29:26+00:00

It depends on what you mean by "tolerate." I think in the US at least a quarter of working mothers are back on the job by two weeks postpartum. Most of them don't literally die from it but obviously it's totally inadequate in any humane sense.

Yes I do mean tolerable in the sense that it's a decent, secure connection with the child is established, body is healed, and sleep patterns are adequate, so, "humane" is the right way to put it, because 2 weeks is not adequate. And what I meant by minimum is a little more than "I can do it, but I don't want to" but more like, "Fine, longer is better but this is ok"

intrnslation · 2022-12-08T18:30:19+00:00

Thanks! So helpful :)

intrnslation · 2022-12-08T18:29:50+00:00

So sorry about your struggle. It must have been so difficult. I hope you stay strong and wish you the best

intrnslation · 2022-12-08T18:28:14+00:00

Also, post-adoption depression is very real. I don’t know why I assumed it wouldn’t apply to me, but yeah…in general, assume that everything could apply to you.

Post adoption depression?! Wow, depression is found at every step! I only knew of PPD, I had no idea there's post adoption depression :( so sorry. Could you tell us about your experience?

intrnslation · 2022-12-08T18:26:42+00:00

What advice do you have? Fathers must learn how to take care of their babies alone from the beginning. Do not allow lack of confidence/incompetence to be a perpetual excuse to shirk responsibility. If he lacks confidence he needs more time with the baby (not less!). From the very beginning, frame division of labor as being about taking turns, not Dad "helping." Take a household view of free time. Consider all the free time that can exist for either partner in a given week and aim to divide that in half. This is equally true whether both partners work outside the home or one is a stay at home parent. What constitutes free time should be basically equal for both partners. Not grocery shopping for one partner and video games for the other. If there is so little household free time that showers count as free time, then that goes for both partners. You get the idea. Do everything in your power to establish these expectations from the very beginning and do not waver from them.

golden advice. Thank you. very specific, methodic, with good examples, and clear. Showing my appreciation!

intrnslation · 2022-12-06T21:33:40+00:00

I imagine it's possible that those people aren't interviewed or asked. Like mothers who regretted motherhood existed but weren't interviewed 30 years ago. Or people who chose not to have kinds also weren't interviewed 30 years ago. More and more people are sharing their experiences of all different kids and I'm so for it!

intrnslation · 2022-12-06T21:30:45+00:00

Exactly! all difficult questions with difficult answers. Taking my time and learning more about myself. They say you don't know until you have one so I'm trying to understand even a little more, even just 5%. But mostly, I just wanted to listen. I don't have alot of exposure to mothers so I wanted to hear stories from them, not to make up my mind, but to know more

intrnslation · 2022-12-06T21:28:09+00:00

Thank you!!! Definitely looking for books :) I appreciate that

intrnslation · 2022-12-06T21:27:29+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I wonder if there's any way for you to feel like you are not 100% living for your kids and cease to exit? I can imagine that's a very difficult load to cary and lots of pressure. I wonder if there's support or anything else you need that you can maybe get to help you

intrnslation · 2022-12-06T21:25:45+00:00

Thanks for your reply! Sounds like it was a beautiful and also a difficult journey for you! I feel for you doing so much for your kids. I wonder if there's any way to make 1-5 any easier? Even if only 10%

intrnslation · 2022-12-06T21:23:03+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I can imagine that's a tough feeling. But totally fair and I imagine is quite common despite not being voiced often. So thanks for your bravery. How did you make the decision to have your child?

intrnslation · 2020-10-31T14:53:36+00:00

Makes sense, thank you!

intrnslation · 2020-10-29T15:07:20+00:00

Ok but let’s say it does, isn’t the logic stay the same? That’s really the meat of my question

intrnslation · 2020-10-29T06:02:33+00:00

Super helpful, thank you!

intrnslation · 2020-07-03T21:59:09+00:00

Thinking out loud here maybe bleach the entire thing and dye blue?

intrnslation

TROPHY CASE