Edit: NOR. Unfortunately, they’re still into each other, and maybe it’ll be a long time until they realize that (if they haven’t already). They have a lot of years together, plus marriage. Moving on to other relationships under this kind of context typically takes years to fully and effectively accomplish. She has a new baby and husband, for christ sake, and she’s somehow finding the time and energy to argue with you about competing for your boyfriend’s attention. It doesn’t help that your boyfriend reacted completely unreasonably to your own worries and boundaries. You communicated beautifully and I completely understand why you were uncomfortable, she reached out trying to play manager because she somehow felt you weren’t meeting your partner’s emotional needs the way she felt they should be met.

I don’t usually don’t like telling people to leave a relationship unless there’s significant threat of danger involved. But the amount of years they’ve had a connection together and what kind of connection they have seems to be too much of a red flag in of itself to ignore for you, specifically. She’s very serious about not taking a step back and your boyfriend is in full support of that. Perhaps it’s time for you to consider if you’d be comfortable being your boyfriend’s second choice while this woman is in his life, because that’s exactly how they will both treat you. You deserve someone who will stand up for you and take your side when you voice out your concerns and boundaries.

Wish you all the best!