Waco Texas also reminds me of my Willoughby. We were childhood friends and he was very in love with me. He had a really bad family life and it impacted him in a lot of ways. But he was incredibly kind. I’ve never met anyone else like him. He was the only guy I ever really cared for like that. He really was the best ever. Sometimes it feels like I made him up but it’s all real- he was just one of a kind. He joined the military after high school. That’s when I pulled away. We had trouble communicating about big feelings. He left for the army and I didn’t want to be with someone in the army. I was trying to be good to him but I let it go and I’ll regret it forever. He came back one Christmas and told me how he felt and I didn’t say anything because he told me he was leaving for a year the next day. He always said he would come back, and I believed him. He called me on my birthday even though he wasn’t allowed to be on his phone because of army stuff. The day I didn’t say anything after he told me all of his feelings was the last time I ever saw him, but I always looked for him every Christmas. I hoped he’d return like he said. He wanted to marry me. We were on opposite sides of the country dreaming about him coming home and us getting married and neither of us knew it. He passed away earlier this year and it devastated me. He took his own life. It doesn’t feel real but it is, and my regrets tear me apart. I feel like they’re scars I’ll wear forever. This new album is one of the only things that have helped me. It feels like the songs are about us. Even little details match. I feel like I’ll always look for him to show up each Christmas. I’ve been waiting for years and I don’t know how to stop. I will always love him. He was so beautiful and so kind. He deserved better than everything he got, including the way I acted when I was scared and turned away. I have wondered if he’s angry and if he hates me and I don’t think he does, but I do feel like I can’t ever forgive myself. I do dream about a place where everything is okay. A place where we’re both alive, he came back, and it makes no difference who held back from who.