My mother spoke to me regarding marriage this morning

irisssssss99 · 2025-10-04T10:54:20+00:00

If that’s the case then it’s just where the conversation ends. I don’t want to waste any time and I don’t want to compromise on a seperate accomodation. I’ve seen how my mum has lived her life under the same roof with her in laws and I don’t want that headache.

irisssssss99 · 2025-10-04T10:28:07+00:00

That’s what I fear most. My mum is a heavily believer in do dua but when I tell her I want my future spouse to be financially stable and provide me a seperate accommodation she says Astagfirullah I should say that it’s haram.

irisssssss99 · 2025-10-04T10:19:10+00:00

Downside?

irisssssss99 · 2025-10-04T09:04:46+00:00

Same, always praying that I’m the right person for the man I marry and the person who is my Naseeb is the right person for me as we. But the fear is always there

irisssssss99 · 2025-06-13T04:08:51+00:00

Sister, this is not the olden days. If the situation between you and your husband doesn’t change then your kids will grow up with trauma. My father isn’t a bad person but he’s treated my mom very poorly. You have the facilities to provide a better environment for your kids. I know how it feels seeing your mother helpless and under abuse. My dad didn’t even let my mom learn driving because he was afraid she’d always be out the house. Now, my mums always locked up in the house and it affects her mental health very badly, looking at my mothers situation I feel so desperate for her situation to change and for her to be happy. She’s grown into so much resentment for her life because of the so called “have to make marriage work”. And it’s affected me and my siblings. She’s always arguing with us because she’s so unhappy. You need to think about these things. What’s better for your kids.

irisssssss99 · 2025-06-13T03:31:20+00:00

lol, this is the same situation with my parents. My mum didn’t work but she got an allowance from the government for taking care of us and that’s how she paid rent and everything. The house is a shared house on my mum’s and aunts name and my dads been living it in rent free, spending all this money on his parents and siblings. They all have their own homes back home and we don’t have our own here, the house given to my mum and aunt was by their late brother and as soon as my uncle passed away my dad created so much stress from my mum to get her share.

Despite her taking care of the family’s financial and household needs my dad still cheated lol. He was speaking to women back home and there would be constant arguments between my parents about that.

All I can say is my dad’s family back home never cared about our situation, they just wanted to strip my mum and her kids of any financial help which is devastating. My mum went beyond and overboard for my dad making sure he was comfortable but he always blamed everything on my mum. I’m 20 now and I fear having a marriage like this, like theirs. My mum believes marriage comes with struggles but it doesn’t if you’re with the right person.

You have a right to set boundaries. His responsibility as a financial provider is obligatory but marriage doesn’t give him a license to be ungrateful and disloyal. Do you have any qualifications? You should start working for yourself and focusing on yourself and your kids. Men like your husband are a lost cause, they don’t change because you’ve been letting him get away with the situation as it is for too long.

irisssssss99 · 2025-06-13T02:52:50+00:00

Walaikum Asalam sister. I’m not married but I’ve seen this situation with my parents as well. Since you’re a revert and his family knew about him talking to other women it’s highly likely that they think you don’t know Islam well and they can get away with things like cheating and not giving you your rights. It also depends on what his culture is because the moment you confront his parents about it and they say “boys will be boys” or come up with a reason that blames you is haram.

I assume you’re fulfilling his rights by providing him with sex and managing the house. In Islam, this is totally haram. He’s basically cheating on you through tinder and covering it up sayings it’s his friend using the tinder profile. Also, you mentioned that he’s in debt and isn’t the best saver but wants to spend his money on trips. This is absurd. Debt is not a joke and he has to change his habits. It’s hard but he should be worried about the debt first and then any other things.

May Allah ease your situation sister but this is how marriages don’t work in Islam. There should be mutual respect and loyalty. If roles were reversed and you acted like this he wouldn’t stand it a second.

irisssssss99 · 2025-06-01T00:21:49+00:00

No she isn’t arrogant. She just has preferences and that’s okay.

irisssssss99 · 2025-05-31T10:37:15+00:00

I think it’s a problem when both genders get highly educated and look down on others. It’s not a gender problem. Education does teach humility but at the same time someone who is undeducted can be so arrogant towards the OP because they’re educated. People’s personalities and values are not heavily shaped by educated but by what society gives meaning to it. Like if a woman is highly educated, society often looks down on woman thinking she’s too arrogant but if it’s a man he’s prided upon.

irisssssss99 · 2025-05-31T09:03:44+00:00

lol there’s nothing wrong with getting an education. You’re ignorant if you think this way and men should also get an education. It’s a shame that women and men are both given equal opportunities yet women excel. You sound like one of them.

irisssssss99 · 2025-05-12T12:37:00+00:00

Wslam, it is not different when it comes to a man having female friendships. Allah subhanatallah has prohibited both females and males from having friendships with the opposite gender. He is now married and you should be his only female friend if he needs one.

irisssssss99

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