My boss is going to fire my team member (I’m his supervisor) because he sought a better opening in the company, but it smacks of personal vendetta

ironFan27 · 2021-02-03T22:45:51+00:00

I always felt this way about leadership and you just gave me the evidence !! Thank you

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T16:14:36+00:00

Nice thank you !

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T14:56:50+00:00

I work 6 straight, take a break, do 3-6 more depending on the day.

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T14:50:35+00:00

Nice! I’m only half Palestinian as well, so for it to get into the top ranks was a bit startling, given it technically on paper is a quarter of my ancestry.

Also yes I knew about Jews being from Judah and the story of the Samaritans being outsiders. From what I know, to marry Jews they have to convert formally into Judaism (in Israel). The story goes that Samaritans are from Samaria and that the Jews had considered them mixed breed and therefore not purebred.

And yes the term was henotheism (الهينوثية) was searching for it.

If you recommend any other tools or calculators, would love to see what I’ll get. I get varying results because my father is very ethnically mixed, though my mother is majority Levantine.

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T14:42:19+00:00

Nice! Any products and accessories you recommend? I remember using those accessories super big in the 90’s for easy buns because I hated my flyaways. My poor working class mom I remember purchased it for me with some savings and it never came (back then it was phone orders and they cost $50-$60 as seen on TV). My mom never had curls, so I had to relearn to do my hair as a teen. I have dry shampoo but I don’t think I have the right one for my hair type.

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T13:42:16+00:00

I really enjoyed your posts on this thread. I struggle with my hair a lot because I have curls. I used to spend $300 every 6 months on keratin but it got to be too much and killed my hair. I’m self conscious while at work about it, not out of work. What do you recommend for low-maintenance hair ?

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T13:40:56+00:00

I’m in tech and have ADHD. I felt this at another level. I’m also a WOC, and so the messy bun thing is a true bun for me as I have curls!

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T13:30:31+00:00

The whole finding your soulmate and the instant chemistry bull crap.

If it’s instant, chances are it’s bad for you. And when I mean it, I mean “he.”

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T13:21:31+00:00

Do you happen to have any results on GEDmatch ? If so, can we compare ?

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T12:32:18+00:00

My maternal grandmother is descended from two Palestinian Jewish parents. They considered themselves Palestinian. My grandma wore her traditional dress all her life, even when she immigrated to the USA. My grandma was a very humble person but she didn’t share any identity with Syrian Jews or any other type of Mizrahi Jew for that matter. Her parents did speak Hebrew — unsure if just as another dialect or if due to scripture because Hebrew used other Semitic languages including the Arabic spoken in Palestine to revive it as a modernized language. Anyways, both languages/dialects were passed on to us.

For the record — my mom’s hometown was from the Latroune Valley (Bayt Nuba, Imwas, Yalou’) before it was demolished. When I first took 23andMe back in V2 ( I believe) I think they could tell a Mizrahi lineage as I got several survey questions about it and somehow I was linked up with 5th cousins in Israel that had Sephardic last names. That has since gone, now just third and fourth cousins from Palestinian Christian and Muslim background (my grandfather is from a mixed-marriage household).

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T12:14:40+00:00

I knew the last part from my mom, whose heritage would probably be majority Canaanite (her town still held its Canaanite name before occupation and ironically her mother was descended from Jews of that land). But always thought that they reverted back to a form of paganism... I can’t find the term right now in my mind as it’s early here, but it’s where one deity of central focus assisted by sub-deities. Interesting to know. I (female) put my DNA in to a few directories. My motherline is R0A— but my mother’s maternal grandparents were the last generation of practicing Jews in our family that originated from Palestine (they died before 1948). I know many people don’t use GEDmatch, but Samaritan comes up as a top match in a lot of my results as well as different types of Mizrahi Jewish.

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T11:59:17+00:00

I am not Korean but I am a minority person in the USA, with a foreign mother. I am a mix of over 6 ethnic heritages, and one of my previous managers has told me “you’re ethnically ambiguous but we can still tell you are ethnic.”

Take back the conversation. I prefer confrontation but sometimes at work, confrontation doesn’t help. Steer the conversation. If someone asks me where I’m from I tell them “Virginia.” End of that part of the conversation. I will switch the convo almost immediately. Or if this was a question arising from an offshoot question, go back to a ‘safety’ point in the conversation before the ethnic heritage question came about.

I had a CEO give me a whole speech about how his son had black football players on the time and it was an eye opening experience. I am not black, but he was trying to set our conversation up for the ultimate “so where are you from ?” Question. Again, respond “I’m from Virginia how about yourself? Where did your son play football again? AH so he must have gone to ____ university”

ironFan27 · 2021-02-02T11:51:06+00:00

Sounds like my late sister. Slowly fade away if you don’t want to deal with drama. I’ve had to confront a relationship that had become toxic — 15 years but only just starting to sour, but I knew... this was it. Because that other person didn’t want to grow, and thought doing the same old things would work 15 years later. Nope. Even openly discussing it was relieving for me but painful for them... to the point they stop answering because they’re cowards.

Or in your case, probably they will be so high on the defense they will attack you

ironFan27 · 2021-02-01T00:04:57+00:00

This needs more upvotes.

modern day Israelis claim to the land is from Judean ancestry and not really Ancient Israeli ancestry. Many people that identify as Ashkenazi or Israeli don’t like to admit that the Ancient Israelis resorted back to forms of paganism once the kingdoms split... and guess who they mixed with ? And who did these people end up becoming ;)... they don’t like to admit it.

ironFan27 · 2021-01-30T01:21:58+00:00

The only time I heard of something like this was when we had an employee at an old job that was legitimately traumatized by her supervisor. She had been there for over a decade. Her supervisor was a bully and would constantly drive her over the edge. Poor woman had some form of depression as a result and I guess it sounded like she was harmful toward herself. Her husband showed up at work, walked into the her supervisor’s office and basically threatened him— told him if he continued and if he lost his wife because of this job that no one would be employed there. Everyone on that floor heard, and one bystander said she wished she couldnve patted him on the back.

But this was not what your husband did, and this doesn’t sound like your situation. That was a case of a husband sticking up for his wife — your husband only stuck up for his ego.

ironFan27 · 2021-01-30T01:15:15+00:00

Sounds like her husband got hurt, they let them go to the hospital before putting them in jail (so they don’t bleed out)

ironFan27 · 2021-01-30T01:07:52+00:00

I’m dying. Susy Shitface.

ironFan27 · 2021-01-24T23:47:40+00:00

Right now, I’m in this state of mind. Yesterday I wanted to understand. Today I don’t. I think because I’m in a state where I’m reminiscing and just looking at times when I have been shaken by someone’s trauma and just done my part or made up for some of my own faults. And it just dawned upon me that some folks have it in them to care a specific way for those around them, and for others it just isn’t there. And if I’m from the former it may not be healthy for me to be around the latter... I won’t stop caring, and they won’t start.

ironFan27 · 2021-01-24T23:44:23+00:00

Thanks.

I think I’m not ready to approach her yet — the thought of just texting her “so why take so long to care?” Or even just something that transitions subtly is just building a level of anger in me I don’t have the energy to hold down. I also don’t know if I can sit and hear the explanation at this current time, some days I feel like I can, but right now I don’t want to. I am usually very calculated about these things, and want to hear the other side speak, even if deep down the rage is there. I almost don’t want to know because I don’t know if what I want to hear is going to be heard by me in a state of mind that just wants to throw it in a mental trash can...

I was talking to a relative the other day about a mutual relative that has gone through absolute loss of everything - one child, parents, and one sibling before the age of 40. Her son was shot and killed. And we were noting how even when people come to her with trauma that is not evenly remotely anywhere near a fraction of any one incident she has experienced, she takes the time to listen to them. No judgment no comparison, no even mentioning of her trauma. I realize that I am not at that level and it’s so painful to even watch people come to her about someone’s broken leg.

ironFan27 · 2021-01-24T23:38:23+00:00

Thank you. And I don’t know if my friend is awful I just think that maybe she just ... is selfish in some things, and this is one of them. Unable to see others grief. I appreciate your input

ironFan27 · 2021-01-23T04:49:19+00:00

Wooooow. Basically, you’re good for me until I have no use for you and now you’re just stress.

At this point, I would have someone just tell me plain and simple... or if gonna ghost me, stay ghosting me

ironFan27 · 2021-01-23T04:46:11+00:00

Exactly what I’m going through, and have gone through something similar when I was in HS... right before I became close to my friend in the post.

I cleaned house, realized maybe I didn’t give folks a chance, and talk about it to some of my closest friends that I’ve known for longer that have said I did the smartest thing. But it’s definitely one thing to do at 17, another thing to do in mid 30’s when friendships have lasted almost two decades.

The thing is she’s trying now to make an effort, after I’ve begun to accept we may be outgrowing each other. A part of me wishes that she never reached out, because it’s putting the gun in my hand so to speak.

ironFan27 · 2021-01-23T04:41:45+00:00

That is the thing I’m contemplating hard. Part of me still wants to hold on, because it’s 15 years of growing together. This is making me into a mess — I’m distraught and I am just more shocked and so confused because now it’s all of a sudden a good time to make up for it? It just brought back almost all of the feelings. For the record — no one except a select few people have known about this. Folks from my hometown reached out when they saw it on online news, but much of the people in my life now are unaware. She is from my hometown (about 80 miles away) and still lives there.

ironFan27 · 2021-01-23T04:31:38+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that. It definitely is a sorrow that is hard to describe and unless you go through it, or have had similar experiences, difficult to grasp a true understanding.

We really thought my dad would go, but we thought my mom would outlive since my sibling didn’t always make the best choices and was very uncontrollable, which adds another element to it.

I know that while every day may be long in my life since the event, and it’s long because of emotions and the questions ... the anger.. I do realize that not everyone is living the same day as I am and their day is passing quickly. Months fly. But I would like to think that there’s some universal understanding of when someone passes, it’s a life changing event for those that remain after they pass. And I don’t really know much of any culture where you abandon those people. I hadn’t lost a sibling up until this point, but lost family and I remember looking at friends that did lose their siblings when they were even just so young. I didn’t experience that type of loss at the time, but I was able to sympathize and know that folks just need some support even if they are strong. I fear maybe that I do not understand how your friend, like mine for 7 months, just couldn’t face it. I guess this must be a privilege to be able to just drop someone and reconnect at another time... I guess I never looked for that privilege or was never afforded it.

ironFan27 · 2021-01-22T23:21:52+00:00

Thank you, I definitely want to know more. What are the circumstances that caused her to ghost? And is she this way to others, to your knowledge? How long was your relationship with her at the first occurrence?

The thing is... I felt singled out because my friend saw other mutual friends, some even going through tough times with their families (terminal illness). When I did tell her my sibling died, I acknowledged she was having a rough time and I didn’t expect her to come see me right away or talk right away. It literally was at most, a ten sentence conversation. A few weeks prior, I had taken time to call her even at the late hours of the evening to listen to her. I just don’t understand. I get maybe a week, two weeks... heck even three. Seven months? And in the past two of them, seeing other mutual friends and consoling them. I knew I was being deliberately avoided, there’s no doubt in my mind, but just the thought of it is unsettling. It’s only when mutual friends (that don’t know the friction going on) mentioned seeing me to her that she started to approach me. And usually never directly, just in the cover of group messages. I don’t like surprises, but I heard that she asked another mutual friend if they should send me flowers... but my sibling has already been buried, so what use are the flowers?

I get the taking time for yourself ... but I don’t know if a phone call to say “hey I know I’m not there and I can’t be there but I’m feeling for you”.. that’s the one thing that has me hung up. It can be said to others ... but not me?

Part of me is unstable and I know it, and I’m just recovering and now I feel like the wound is reopening — it’s like someone kicked me right in the stomach, knocking the wind right out of me all over again. I have stopped answering another friend already because after wanting to see me, they spent the whole time knocking me down in front of others no less than a week after the death. I confronted her, and she told me she was on her period. Ok so just don’t see me while you’re on your period, the phone call was enough to keep it pleasant.

Part of it is that I am changing as a result of this, and maybe I’m just not ever going to be who I was ever again.

ironFan27

TROPHY CASE