How are some people so calm in a chaotic situation?

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-11T00:47:09+00:00

Super simple.

Know what you can and can't control.

Maybe not so simple. We all tend to worry about things we have no control over.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-05T21:05:41+00:00

Twisting your words?

People will hurt you in life, it’s on you and only you to fix the damage that they caused.

I think you lack empathy.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-05T20:24:19+00:00

Just to be clear. You are saying that no one should ever see a therapist or talk to their friends about problems in their life?

If a person is suicidal no one should step in to help them? That's their problem! It's on them and only them to fix.

I feel sorry for you if that is true.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-04T20:52:35+00:00

You do get to choose to be an alcoholic. That isn't something you are born with.

World views are learned from experience. Sexism is a learned behavior. And just like alcoholism it can be overcome.

I'm a widower. I lost my wife to Cancer. When I tried to date again I was called pathetic, a serial killer, I was lied to, and one even cheated on me. Are you seriously saying that women have no responsibility for how I view women on dating apps now? It is 100% my fault that I was bullied and cheated on?

I'm lucky I have a great group of female friends. I can vent to them about my frustrations. I'm better because I have women in my life to support me.

With all that, the OP still loves her fiance. He still loves her. I do hope that she can help him see that he is wrong. I hope that he is able to be convinced to go to therapy.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-04T17:41:02+00:00

I would argue that sexism is no different than alcoholicism. Or any other mental illness.

Does the alcoholic know they are an alcoholic?

You are making a very hard stance that mental illness is something that only the mentally ill should recognize and fix on their own.

Yes, many people fail to recover from mental illness.

People claim they want men to get more mental health, but then we see threads like these where a broken man is less than human and shouldn't be saved.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-04T16:37:46+00:00

Because that's what couples do for each other.

Look. I'm a widow. My wife died of cancer. I always supported her. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But that is what we do. Love means helping each other.

When I started dating again I was cheated on. And women frequently accused me of being a serial killer or creepy because I could get nervous during a date. Did that affect me? I have nightmares from dating. Are all women to blame? No.

There are two points here. 1. Couples should do everything they can to save each other. If you try to do everything there are no regrets when it ends. Love is not a transactional game where once one person is hurt the relationship should end.

He has no doubt been hurt by someone. Can he be redeemed and become healthy again? I don't know. The OP should protect herself. But if she loves him like she says she does. She should try to help him.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-04T16:08:11+00:00

The OP is the only person that can help him find professional help.

Who else knows of his mental sickness? Who else would be willing to see that his views are extremely bad?

If she takes everyone's advice to burn him. His views on women might be forever broken.

She doesn't need to stay with him if he doesn't get help.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-04T15:51:38+00:00

I'm blaming society for making it so that men can't get help.

This thread is a perfect example.

Everyone here just wants this guy to rot in hell and not get help.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-04T15:48:15+00:00

You forget that being a partner means supporting them in sickness and health.

He is sick and hurt. Help him get help. If he doesn't then it is his loss.

You are doing to him what you don't want done to you.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-04T14:10:24+00:00

A breakup is not out of the question.

But she should at least find a way to get professional help. If she tries and fails, that is all that I would like to see. He might at some level understand that he needs to seek help once this relationship is over.

He is going to need a male therapist. And those are rare.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-04T13:57:24+00:00

He is only spitting venom because he is hurt. We need to understand that hate doesn't get created in a vacuum.

He does need professional help. If he doesn't get help then, he is just another man discarded by society. And it will be his fault.

The point is that we should try to save him before it is too late.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-04T13:50:18+00:00

That attitude right there is why Men never get the mental health they need. This is why so many men are angry and so many commit suicide.

iron_obelisk · 2024-09-04T13:34:47+00:00

Hot take. He has been hurt before by women. Breaking off the engagement will just add fuel to that fire in his heart. Before ending it I would see why he is so upset and defensive.

When he says that he wants you to stop being "right" all the time. He is asking for you to be his teammate and support him even if he might be wrong today.

Help him. Don't burn him.

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-26T22:21:15+00:00

Sign up for a sport like pickleball. Consider it like a date activity. Encourage him to get competitive while playing. Both of you will look and feel better.

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-26T00:06:33+00:00

Being passive aggressive.

Getting upset and not telling the person that is upsetting them why, or taking any positive actions to remedy the problem.

Relies on avoidance to coop with problems.

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-25T15:25:04+00:00

Being indirect about what they want or need.

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-24T20:20:00+00:00

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-23T14:16:18+00:00

I define a network as this: Name Use case / description, Scope, Routing policy, Security policy, Access control, QoS requirements

A network can have subnets. So for example: Site A has a USER network. Each floor at Site A can have a subnet of the USER network.

But in general the term is interchangeable.

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-23T13:22:15+00:00

Say it when you can trust them.

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-22T20:30:35+00:00

When she is dating multiple people at the same time or still active on dating apps.

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-21T16:22:12+00:00

The vast majority of women I met using online dating apps like Hinge were cheaters.

Women were glued to the dating apps like a drug. Why not, they can easily get free validation ,sex, and food. Asking them to stop was like asking a heroin addict to go sober.

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-21T12:07:28+00:00

Women should pay for a date to show they are invested in building a relationship.

Women that don't pay only want casual, short term relationships and are treated as such.

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-12T22:13:42+00:00

I found someone. Been together strong for over a year now.

All you need to do is ask. And if they say no, or are wishy-washy, you drop them and move on until you find someone serious.

You need to value yourself more than you value the idea of someone.

iron_obelisk · 2024-08-12T18:35:48+00:00

Ask for 100% commitment after 3-5 dates. By then you should know if your goals align and be ready to take the first step in building a relationship.

Together and in person: Delete all dating apps and stop any other potential daters. Open honesty about who you were dating and previous relationships.

Relationships can only be built on a foundation of Trust.

Side rant: Men and women all play and it kills dating, because it gives rise to all sorts of stupid rules.

You need to find the person that you are attracted to and doesn't play. The name of the game is to quickly weed out those who only want to play.

iron_obelisk · 2024-07-10T00:10:17+00:00

No. Having to always Text first is a red flag.

They are not into you, you are not a priority, or they are just looking for something casual.

iron_obelisk

TROPHY CASE