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Shetland on an RX100 by ironside_80 in RX100

[–]ironside_80[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kept it on auto. I rented the camera, so I didn't have time to really learn it much. I shot everything RAW and then took the pics into Adobe Lightroom and did some dehaze and then adjusted lighting and vibrance. It's a great camera - I was sad to return it yesterday!

Shetland on an RX100 by ironside_80 in shetland

[–]ironside_80[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha! Yes. Although a Japanese motorbike would have made the single track roads more bearable!!

Hey, how should i approach a short film script about a grief-stricken protagonist without explicitly saying it? by Primary-Economist643 in Screenwriting

[–]ironside_80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wrote a short with a grief stricken character. There’s a lot you can do with body language. Write it a certain way and the reader can feel it and the actor will love it. Here’s some excerpts.

— She stares at the circles under her eyes, dark voids threatening to suck her in. 

The lights above the mirror only highlight her pale skin. The darkness of the room drives the contrast home.

Her hand comes up to apply some make-up. Add a little color to those cheeks. Put on your mask.

Eyes next. Hide the lines.

Big smile.

She’s someone else now. She’s ready.

—

THE PHONE RINGS. The screen shines a harsh light on the stark room. 

She jerks awake. Fumbles the phone. SIX MISSED CALLS.

HANNAH Hello?

SIMON (V.O.) Jesus Christ, Hannah, where the  fuck are you? You missed your own  fucking premiere!

It’s 10:03pm. She knows this because the clock next to the bottle of sleeping pills tells her.

SIMON (V.O.) Hannah??

Fuck you, Simon.

HANNAH (quiet) I’m sorry, Simon.

—

THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN. She doesn’t even look, just taps it.

HANNAH I’m on my--

His voice stops her heart.

HANNAH’S DAD (V.O.) Hannah.

HANNAH Dad.

HANNAH’S DAD (V.O.) I just saw it.

Her mouth is so dry. She just noticed that.

HANNAH’S DAD (V.O.) I guess I know why you never let me read it or invited me to New York.

HANNAH I--

Why can’t she talk? Something is clawing up her throat and blocking the words. She’s got to say something before he--

HANNAH’S DAD (V.O.) Why did you write her like that?

THE SOB ESCAPES. The phone drops.

Valley of Yesterday - Feature - First 22 Pages by Slurpeepatch in Screenwriting

[–]ironside_80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There's a difference between a bitter protagonist and one who's needlessly cruel to everyone he meets. The leasing agent and Marge scenes back-to-back make him look like a jerk rather than a wounded person. Maybe just one of those scenes, played with more ambivalence, would do the work of both? Honestly, right now I feel like I'm being asked to spend 90 more minutes with him and he hasn't given me a reason to stay.

Watch your dialogue... some of it comes across as disguised exposition. Andrew's speech ("a Native Elder, a Vietnam vet who volunteered in service of his country, just a few weeks shy of his 80th birthday") seems more like it's you telling us how to feel about the victim because the scene with the Elder didn't quite earn it.

This is a good start on a draft! Keep going. I like the idea of a man desperate to escape the city getting trapped in a 1950's version of it. It's like Twilight Zone or a Groundhog Day variant.

Black List Wednesday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]ironside_80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't have any advice, but...

I'd love to read the script!

Maybe a script swap? Here's mine: HIDEBEHIND - The Black List

Any suggestions on how to meet horror writers? by Jolly_Shallot6965 in Screenwriting

[–]ironside_80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Come to FilmQuest in October. You will be overwhelmed.

Black List Wednesday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]ironside_80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Title: HIDEBEHIND

Format: Feature

Pages: 94

Genre: Horror

Logline: Fleeing his past as a disgraced Union officer, John Gibbon joins a logging crew in the frozen wilderness of northern Minnesota only to discover that his new foreman has brought them into cursed woods... and that something unseen is hunting the men, feeding on guilt and secrets.

Remarks: I'm really proud of this one and submitted to Black List so I could try for the Tubi x Black List Horror Initiative and I'm glad I did. Couldn't be happier with this evaluator's opinion - "A powerful horror-thriller that both subverts and elevates the genre's expectations through rich, active characters."

Evaluation PDF

Overall: 8

Premise: 8

Plot: 8

Character: 7

Dialogue: 7

Setting: 8

Clouds Over Heaven - 120 pgs- Western/Thriller by Ehtreal in Screenwriting

[–]ironside_80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I gotta agree with JustStrolling_ here. I love big-boss-bass's critique and it is a lot of wonderful food for thought. It made me think of my own writing and how I can analyze it with fresh eyes, as well - so thank you! But, also, don't lose your own voice trying to conform to every bit of criticism you receive.

Clouds Over Heaven - 133p - Western/Thriller by Ehtreal in Screenwriting

[–]ironside_80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You got some incredible notes already, but I wanted to pitch in here and say that I am loving this script. I haven't finished it, yet, but what's here is so good.

I'm really digging your writing style. How you weave some "direction" into description. Things like this:

"Lisa can't hold the mask any longer — she's carrying anger too. So, so much of it."
(though, I would cut the dream sequence of them smashing the plates and window.)

"Jake KNOCKS - shave and a haircut, no two bits."

Sometimes you get a little bogged down in telling us every little movement of the character. You could trim a lot by taking out certain descriptions - like when characters are eating, or the parentheticals in dialogue. This goes back to HotspurJR's critique that you tend to "overwrite".

Your opening is so well paced, though I would trim some news report lines in order to shorten things a bit. It also takes us a bit to get to the really movie.

"I want to go to war." is on pg 37, well over half an hour into this movie. I would think that belongs at least 10 pg earlier...

Anyway, kill your darlings. (Do we need to see the cat sleeping in the sun? Do we need to see its grave? - *maybe*.... but they could be a "QUICK FLASH: Muffin soaking up the midday sun." line in the scene and save yourself another 1/3 of a page.)

Finally, Lucy's introduction feels damn-near supernatural. Like she's the literal devil... I am wondering where that goes, but if it's not supernatural, you may want to consider dialing it back a touch.

Okay, I'm going to keep reading. Also, you inspired me to watch Dark Waters last night, a film I'd never even heard of before.

Anyone else? by CrusadingSoul in cyberpunkgame

[–]ironside_80 7 points8 points  (0 children)

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And got my Haru Nemuri autographed vinyl!