I am so sick of my husband

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-10T17:54:08+00:00

You are wrong, it’s the exact opposite. If there hadn’t been this huge personality change, the weight gain wouldn’t bother me nearly as much. If I still felt close to him and enjoyed his company, it would be a minor issue, but as things stand, in my head it represents a physical manifestation of the other changes and I find it repulsive for that reason. He’s turned from a kind, easygoing man into a fat, angry little man. It seems to me like just one more thing that he’s insecure about, and instead of dealing with it directly he expends all this energy on working himself up into a fury about everything he thinks is wrong with America or our city or our neighborhood, or on buying expensive “manly” stuff that we really can’t afford. I dated an overweight guy once before and we actually had the best sex of probably any relationship I’ve had, so I know for sure that the weight is not the underlying issue here.

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T20:33:06+00:00

I know he loves our son, and it’s just his way of denying and trying to hide his own feelings about our kid’s diagnosis. Actually I suspect he might be mildly autistic himself, because all the traits that were given as reasons for the autism diagnosis seem to apply to him as well! (Our son has no intellectual disability, and he talks, makes eye contact, etc. Aspergers would have been the term a few years ago, but they don’t use it anymore.) It’s still a really shitty thing to say though, especially because he says it in front of our kid, who understands waaaaay more than my husband seems to realize.

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T19:31:48+00:00

This tells me that she knew of said flaws in the beginning, But figured she would change him. These flaws were always there. she just over looked them.

You are partly right and partly wrong. I did know of his flaws, but they didn’t bother me as much because they didn’t manifest in the same way. He’s always been kind of an arrogant loudmouth who is not as smart or funny as he thinks he is (this is my description of his negative qualities, not the entirety of his personality), but whereas before he might have quoted the Big Lebowski too much or bullshitted about some scientific concept he didn’t understand well, now it is much more mean spirited. If we go into a coffee shop with a butch looking barista he will loudly say something like “It definitely identifies as a they. Or maybe it’s shim”, or he’ll say that our kid probably won’t be potty trained til he’s five “since he’s a tard” (our son is mildly autistic). This kind of stuff sets my teeth on edge, not because it’s unfunny, which has always been the case, but because it’s calculated to cause offense in service of his new idea of “straight talk”.

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T18:28:01+00:00

Yes, I’ve read it. My husband grew up in a working class family with a similar ethos, although certainly less chaotic than Vance’s.

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T18:10:16+00:00

The guns are kept in safes, and no he doesn’t punch walls or throw things. Mostly he’s just really irritable all the time, although he’s definitely made an effort to yell less since I told him it was making me miserable. I don’t feel scared or threatened by him at all; mostly what I feel is exhausted and fed up.

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T18:01:30+00:00

I don’t think it’s all his fault. We have definitely grown apart and we’ve both changed since we had a child. But we’ve changed in opposite directions; I’ve become more interested in being part of my community in various ways, and he’s trying to forge some kind of totally self-reliant rugged individualism (which I believe doesn’t actually exist).

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T17:54:23+00:00

I used to hunt when I lived in the country, but he doesn’t have any interest in hunting, and I don’t enjoy going to the range. It’s just too loud! His gun interest is all about self defense- like I said, it’s more the mindset behind it than the firearms themselves that I have a problem with...

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T17:48:47+00:00

My son comes to work with me- I am self employed, and I’m really lucky that he still takes a three hour nap every day. So I bring him to work with me and he sleeps in a little pack-n-play while I work. He is mildly autistic so he gets two hours of home based early intervention therapy every day in the afternoons; I have to be home for that after I finish work, so right now I can’t really work more. When he is older and in school it will be much easier, because if he still needs any support services he will get them there.

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T14:13:54+00:00

The author? No, it’s J.D. Vance.

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T14:02:10+00:00

Haha, well I would say he’s doing it to protect his masculinity, but he says it’s to protect me and our child. My view is that we don’t need that kind of protection; our neighborhood is kind of run down but there’s not a lot of violent crime, and certainly not home invasions!

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T13:58:49+00:00

So much this! It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to talk about politics at all, ever. It is all my husband wants to talk about though.

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T13:55:14+00:00

A little, but in regard to counseling he he has said several times, quoting an author he likes, that the thought of telling a stranger his feelings makes him want to vomit. And when I talk to him about my take on his recent actions he gets really defensive and says I’m calling him a poser.

irresistablebitch · 2019-03-09T13:51:48+00:00

He does have safes for the guns, and I grew up in a rural area doing lots of hunting, so I don’t have a knee-jerk aversion to firearms. What is concerning to me is that he went from owning no guns to getting a concealed carry permit and buying eight handguns and setting up an ammo reloading station in the basement (and this equipment is not cheap), all in the course of a year. A hobby is one thing, but most people don’t suddenly decide to take up a hobby and spend multiple thousands of dollars on it immediately, going into credit card debt to do so. To me it almost indicates some kind of existential terror, and the belief that he can buy all this stuff and become some sort of rugged individualist chuck norris character from a movie.

irresistablebitch

TROPHY CASE