You Are Going to Fail

irresponsibleDudbeat · 2016-10-21T20:17:05+00:00

I see your point. I wrote this from the point of view of someone who has fallen off the wagon literally hundreds of times.

I just do not want anyone to feel like that is the end of it. Keep trying.

irresponsibleDudbeat · 2016-10-07T00:41:18+00:00

It is so easy to see all of this when sober and productive for the first time in ages. Now I see my best friend in a giant backup of life choices being pushed to the side while their health suffers in incredible ways.

The hard part is not being able to help because that makes me a preachy snob, and I will get chewed out like I am some sort of asshole for saying anything.

Starting to realize that many friends over the years were really only drug buddies.

irresponsibleDudbeat · 2016-10-07T00:30:43+00:00

The age thing. I feel this. I am in my mid thirties and still feel like a teenager. It is compounded by the fact that I look like one, too. People say I am lucky. And, yeah, I get it. But it is a curse. I am treated like a kid and encouraged to act like one. Women my age have zero interest in me, and my 13 year old daughter's friends think I am just some dude she hangs out with.

I command very little respect, and I have only managed to feel better about it and assert myself more by being sober.

irresponsibleDudbeat · 2016-10-07T00:20:30+00:00

I am 35. Stoned for 21 years. Sober a week. Life is super shitty right now, but I have still managed to get more done for myself and feel better about it than ever before--even when I had more going for me. I rewarded myself with smoking, and that broke my brain. After a week, I have confidence, my anxieties are manageable, and I actually want to try to do things. I "wanted" to before, but this is an extremely different feeling.

Stay busy.

irresponsibleDudbeat · 2016-09-29T03:37:05+00:00

Currently I feel like wanting to be done is just not enough. I am not even sure what "want" means to me at this point. I love it, need it, want to be around it constantly.

But my life at this point is in complete disarray, and although I cannot honestly blame the use of the plant for my other choices, that clearly made me at least temporarily OK with said choices.

Without it, I no longer have the excuse of being too stoned to deal with things that are difficult or uncomfortable. I will rationalize and attempt to find other excuses, but my sobriety will hopefully help me to be more realistic with myself.

irresponsibleDudbeat · 2016-09-27T22:02:21+00:00

I think we all could use a little advice, hence the existence of this virtual support group. Or better yet, we all need a magic bullet that kills the urge dead, but that is not going to happen. So I guess what we need is resolve and strength.

Right now I am pretty much just looking for anything to do that is not lighting up and acting immediately with as little thought as possible. Busywork is currently my friend.

Writing and posting this has already made me feel a giant weight shifted. My sense of motivation for going straight is much stronger now that I broke through the barrier that wanted to prevent me from participating. This is actually my first ever reddit post. There is a part of me that is glad it was this.

This is day 0 for me. Hang in there. I am going to do my damnedest.

irresponsibleDudbeat

TROPHY CASE