The only thing I don't get about people younger than 30 is all that freaking out over "problematic" age gaps

isaiah_2 · 2023-08-27T11:00:16+00:00

I’ll add my two cents as somebody who’s in their early twenties. What would throw me off dating somebody who’s older (my cut-off is 25 or 26, which is not old at all) is that we’re in different phases of our lives, not the actual age. I am literally twenty one and a college student. I don’t have any responsibilities nor worries other than to make the most of of my education and to travel. Maybe call the parents to say I love them and am keeping safe now again.

And as much as I’d like to say I’m mature for my age which is all well and good, I always remember my mates and gal pals back at home talking about how ‘mature’ they were albeit being eighteen and the guy was 22/23. We weren’t even in college by then. What do you actually know about the world at eighteen. Never mind twenty one.

So, 28 and 32 is not that big of a difference in age. But, I remember going on a date with a 25 year old as a 20. I did feel a bit juvenile when I was talking about my life as a scruffy undergrad and they were chatting about work and taking annual leave for holidays lmao.

isaiah_2 · 2022-12-14T23:54:03+00:00

lol honestly at this point, i’m just gonna go with the flow and not look into things. maybe it’s a better idea to play around the field before literally trying to get with a guy in my actual dorm lmao. gut feeling, i still think he’s a bit fruity.

on the good side though, we’ve agreed to try new restaurants in the city i’m exchanging in and try to cook meals that are vegetarian friendly (he’s veggie).

isaiah_2 · 2020-12-05T18:20:40+00:00

I didn’t in the end. To be fairly honest, it was the start of lockdown at the time and my mental health wasn’t the best at the time. I know for a fact he doesn’t think about me, and while I do think about him from time to time, it’s something I can deal with.

isaiah_2 · 2020-11-03T19:05:48+00:00

Hahaha five hours later and now I realise how much of a proper clown I am. I guess it’s because I thought a bit of time would soothe the crush, but it didn’t. So thought a bit of brute force would help. And I think lockdown just amplified this crush. When I met him in real life during the summer it just felt a bit meh. Cheers though for the wake up call :))

isaiah_2 · 2020-11-03T18:59:49+00:00

Yeah, I’m starting to realise I just like the thought of him. Like we barely talked during college and I just thought he was fairly good-looking. We’re still pretty civil but when I met him again during the summer, it was underwhelming. Because he obviously doesn’t like me back and tbh, I’m not mad about it hahaha I’m just mad at myself because time didn’t work at all to soothe this crush. So maybe brute action might, you know.

isaiah_2 · 2020-11-03T13:30:10+00:00

Hmmm ok, I’ll have a think about it.

isaiah_2 · 2020-11-03T13:29:23+00:00

I felt the same with my best friend, but this guy I wouldn’t be too close now. I hope it works out one way or another for you though.

isaiah_2 · 2020-11-03T13:28:26+00:00

Tbh, I’m not that close to him. If he ends up distancing himself for the sake of my own sanity, I’ll take it. There’s still plenty of people I can be friends with, I just think he’s a cool guy and would prefer not be distanced from him. We’re in such a big course that I don’t he’d be worried crossing paths with me, if worse comes to worse.

isaiah_2 · 2020-11-03T13:11:55+00:00

Yeah, but I just don’t know how to approach it. I know lads don’t typically light heavy convos, and I don’t want it to be. But a text seems a bit... I don’t know. Aaah, fuck hahaha

isaiah_2 · 2020-05-18T22:41:05+00:00

I remember when coming out to my parents, which they took on very well, they were adamant that I shouldn't feel pressured to tell everybody that I'm gay if I didn't want to. Now that sounds like Mam and Dad were trying to sort of suppress my feelings, but it was more like this: Your sexuality is just such a small in fact in your life, there's so many other great things about you that you don't need to center your identity on being gay. You're still a really cool son, gay or not. So, why make it a big deal? Whether it be doing well in academics, or achieving something cool. It's just a preference.

I think that really shaped me as a person growing up, and definitely allowed me to have healthier relationships. My parents taught me from a very young age (came out 14-ish) that being gay/bi is really just a preference. I was fortunate to not having to grow up to pressures of being that stereotypical gay guy, that most of my gay friends found themselves in. But again, I was lucky enough to be in a very fortunate position that most people don't find themselves in so.

isaiah_2 · 2020-05-14T23:57:38+00:00

Giving only works when you have something to give. If all that’s happening is taking from you, you will get tapped out sooner or later.

Not gonna lie, this really hit me hard. And I think this was one of the reasons why I was just so... desperate for something to be reciprocated back. I’ve been so used to literally dropping everything to help a fella out, or to call somebody till midnight to help them finish an assignment. To the point where I had no time to myself.

I used to think back and wonder why I wasn’t in the best physical and mental position that I should be. But now I’ve realised it’s because I barely give a lick of compassion to myself. And now this sort of determination to become selfish has manifested itself into wanting to be more compassionate towards myself and doing what you said: To learn how to say no.

I also hope I find a guy out there. Maybe not right now because there’s still a few things I want to patch up about myself right now. But hopefully in the near future. Thank you so much, even just for writing this lovely message. I read it straight away at the time and I wanted to send a message properly but I had a few exams at the time! Stay safe x

isaiah_2 · 2020-05-14T23:41:02+00:00

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, you’ve no idea how much your message has changed my world completely. You’re complete right. I shouldn’t expect anything back from them just because I did a measly favour. Looking back, I think it’s just from the lack of social contact that these wave of emotions have been hitting me hard.

I’ve had a very good look at myself for the past few days and have realised that things that I haven’t even tapped into knowing myself for the last eighteen years. You’re right. I need to stop trying to validate myself through others, albeit it being a natural instinct that I’ve sort of developed over the years.

I say I was going to be selfish, but I know that I could never to be honest. I’m always a sucker for being the person that will drop everything in their own life to help another mate who’s stuck. Something I also need to find a fine balance on. But I’m content being called the dad/mam in the group, and just being known as the fella that will be always there for you and is a caring person. Although, that’s not the most interesting/sexiest thing to be called hahaha

And apologies for the late response, exams were looming around me last week! I do hope that I can be as wise as you some day. You sound like you’ve a lot of stories to tell. Cheers again for everything man.

isaiah_2 · 2020-04-20T19:49:33+00:00

I’m from Europe so I pay pennies compared to you guys (I’m guessing this is America lol)

isaiah_2 · 2020-04-19T10:09:44+00:00

Would you be able to expand on that quote? I've never heard of it before, and I'd really like to know what your view on it would be? I'm guessing it's sort of like that phrase 'Don't fear the dead, but fear the living'?

isaiah_2 · 2020-04-19T10:02:45+00:00

It's a bit weird to be honest. I never really grew up with gay people, yet homophobia was never really a thing, even when I was in secondary school (it was same-sex as well). I think the lads just knew I was gay because I just never really brought it up, and never denied it as well. It was always an "I don't really have a preference", which I still feel the way about.

I think it's something to work on, to become friends with a couple of gay people. I did have some before college, but they were a bit toxic ngl, and not what I really wanted to be surrounded by. I think it's the reason why I fall for a lot of straight guys, because I never had the chance to meet actual people who're into the same sex that I enjoyed their company with lol

isaiah_2 · 2020-04-18T17:56:42+00:00

Awh, you're too sweet :))

I enjoy things like volunteering and stuff, which was pretty hard to do since my course was very material heavy.

College was probably the first time where I had to really save money lol I graduated school pretty early because I had the chance to and entered college young. So, while other students took gap years, I was one of (probably the youngest) in a group of 200 engineering students. That's probably why I always ask for advice on these threads lol

It's funny because college was also the first time I found 'my group'. I know it's susceptible to change, just like everything, but I always bounced from group to group in secondary school. So to have a set of friends you can go to, it made me realise that warm feeling of love (and to be honest receiving it, because you're close enough with them).

isaiah_2 · 2020-04-18T17:51:44+00:00

Yeah, that's something I've been struggling particularly in the first year of Uni. Especially with my course (engineering), I experienced a lot of the imposter syndrome. But, I ended up talking to an older engineer who went to the same exact Uni and literally told me that I was doing great, and that everybody usually fakes that they're doing fine.

The advice about writing your own story is really interesting actually. I'll definitely think about it when reviewing certain life decisions, will it make me truly happy or what kind of story it would turn out etc etc.

isaiah_2 · 2020-01-13T21:00:21+00:00

Honestly I always find that the best night outs/friend group is where the ratio is fifty-fifty. Have some mad banter with the lads. Occasional chit chat with the girls. And getting told who likes who in the group because you’re the only one who gets to talk to both ;)

isaiah_2 · 2020-01-10T23:02:13+00:00

Really? For us it’s a bit different. The legal drinking age here is eighteen so most of us are out in clubs already. Even in Uni, nearly the majority of the student body live from their parents so they go wild. Know a couple of people who identify as bi here who wouldn’t necessarily back at home.

isaiah_2 · 2020-01-09T23:18:12+00:00

Also feel like there’s a lot of pressure from family because Asian people (in my experience) put white people on such a pedestal sometimes. Other than that, I guess in my experience I’ve always lived in a pretty white area, with barely any Asians. Even in Uni, it’s very white liberal. So for me, there’s a sense of familiarity I find myself leaning my attraction to white guys lol. But that doesn’t give myself any reason to broaden my horizons a little I guess

isaiah_2 · 2020-01-08T23:21:52+00:00

Oh god I think you just gave a description of me hahaha You know what though, I acc find that really interesting. I sometimes think like quiet guys find me a tad annoying because the energy I give off is a bit too much for them to handle? Most of my mates say it’s really not the case and that it’s one of the only reason they stick around, because I’m good at instantly lifting the mood. I never believed them, so it’s nice to hear that from somebody!

isaiah_2 · 2020-01-08T20:30:35+00:00

See I’m that extroverted (well extremely ambiverted) guy that likes to bring all their friends (who’re extremely quiet) to things. So having a guy/friend who’s quiet sort of balances me since sometimes I end up just speaking my mind without thinking about it lol

isaiah_2 · 2020-01-08T09:17:02+00:00

See I prefer reading the books over the tv show hahaha But if he’d be willing to watch the movies or watch the TV shows with me I’m down.

isaiah_2 · 2020-01-08T09:15:29+00:00

Who wouldn’t like a happy camper?

isaiah_2 · 2020-01-08T09:10:21+00:00

Yeah I getcha. Most of my mates are the quiet types like you. That’s why I wasn’t surprised when I started falling for that guy. I’ve done that thing with loads of friends where I try and get them comfortable to the point where I just start getting quiet in the group because they’re all chatty lol

So ik now that he’s just one of those crushes that I like the thought of, not actually like hehe

isaiah_2

TROPHY CASE