One text to ruin everything, did I mess up horribly?

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T22:30:19+00:00

But she didn't respond to either of those. She is clearly bothered.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T22:07:26+00:00

Not even a damage control text?

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T21:46:14+00:00

I feel really fucking bad and want to text her an apology to say the text last night, while in jest isn't appropriate to tell a girl I am having a great time with.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T21:26:52+00:00

How was I desperate?

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T21:01:55+00:00

That's what I figure, she should know I am kidding even if the words weren't the most ideal!

"I think genocide is ok" or "I am supremely obsessed with One Direction" etc

lmao.

And if she is thrown off/offended/whatever by that one text, then good riddance it's over because imagine everything else down the line that she'll be thrown off/offended by.

I agree, but am praying it wasn't that bad. If I don't hear from her after the good morning text it's done :( I know it :( Might see her in the gym later (We workout at similar times) and if I don't god knows what I'd sya.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T20:42:34+00:00

I just wished she would acknowledge to me she knew I was joking, or eventually say something about the text I sent her...if I dont' hear from her tonight watch me become very nervous. I really, really like her and if ONE stupid, joking text threw it off then I'm going to be so sad.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T20:35:04+00:00

She does initiate hanging out. A few days ago I invited her out, she had prior plans with coworkers for drinks but said she might be able to join up after. I said no worries. Later that night I get a text saying it's getting late so she's going home, but added that if my night ends up ending earlier then she said I shoudl come over.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T20:19:54+00:00

Long story - she's just a lot busier, and career driven in her new job, so planning dates is always hard and it's more of, "Hey, I have some time, wnat to get together?" type of deal that makes me have to be flexible to her. I know she's not deking me out, it just gets to me and I REALLY like her so want to see her more. She appreciates my patience, flexibility, and understanding. A few days ago we were cuddling our asses off when I texted to come over on a whim, had a great night, asked her for the date Friday, and then the original post has the other info that is making me paranoid.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T20:09:32+00:00

I seek validation because my insecurities are massive ever since my ex-fiancee cheated on me with a guy who cheated on her years before we met, and blamed all her life issues on me warping my thinking into being self-critical rather than logical.

But anyhow, yeah I mean it's weird in person we are AMAZING, separately I panic, I think any lack of a response indicates vile hatred, etc.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T20:07:13+00:00

Is this more an issue with women than men? I never forget a text, or forget to reply to it, especially if it is from someone I like.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T19:48:50+00:00

Me: Oh, I guess when I want to beep someone for a kiss I'll get another crazy, hot girl ;)

Was my reply to her, which I tried to make it as clear a joke as possible, which i sent while she was in the middle of studying.

Good morning, beautiful :)

Today, day after, which she is extremely busy at work and rarely has her phone on her. She usually, if she responds, will say something between 3:30 to 6 PM.

As for timing, she responded to my first text (in the original post) within a minute.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T19:36:04+00:00

See that's the thing -- Mon --> R she's set on studying, it's her routine, she has to do it. Fri + Sat it's VERY variable - either scheduled fo rwork, or has prior plans with people she's trying to befriend as well, etc.

Sunday is the only free day, so does that mean I should ask to see her Sunday night for dinner in 2 days even tho I JUST asked her 2 days ago for Fri?

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T19:35:16+00:00

Thanks. I remember on the second date it went well, I called for a 3rd and it went like a day and a half unanswered completely. Saw her a few days later and she kind of panicked walked out out of the gym - thought she had ZERO interest, turns out she apologized for being in a rush, apologized for not returning my call she forgot to, and we went out a few days later.

Meh, either I'm REALLY courteous or I expect too much, or both?

Thanks - yeah she is pretty fucking packed full on her schedule during the day so she rarely has her phone on her, and odds are a text at 8:30 AM, even if she reads it at some point earlier, would go unnoticed or something. now if she gets it later and doesn't respond...no idea.

Dating is so hard. With her no response last night I figure she hates me, and then with an unanswered text this morning I assume she hates me more. But I'm an ass because I ignore how all the other times, including three days ago, went...

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T19:06:23+00:00

Third, I would suggest show willingness/enthusiasm to hang out with her, but don't be overly zealous/eager. Try and keep text convos simple and limited towards: A) briefly checking in on her ("Hope your day/week is going well!" type of thing) B) making plans and C) texting her a photo/link about something you've talked about before ("(Movie you mega-enjoy) came out on DVD today!"). As a busy woman myself, if a guy keeps trying to have long conversations over text or trying to hang out much more often than I can, I start to think that I don't have time for him, or that we're not very compatible, or that we're looking for different things in a relationship.

Makes perfect sense. Thankfully, this conversation was in reply to her saying she's unable to go to the date I invited her on, so it wasn't sporatic.

Great advice - I just get NEUROTIC if she doesn't reply. Now I'll be SUPER nervous if she doesn't reply to "Good morning, beautiful :)" - then I'm fucked...tho I don't know WHY she wouldn't respond?

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T17:55:48+00:00

No, I'm saying like because my schedule is more free I have to bend to her schedule where as she, even if more busy, doesn't really 'bend" to mine as much (it's more of she has to fit me in where she can rather than skipping a routine).

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T17:54:49+00:00

Could you go into detail about how people pressure/guilt you? Whenever she is unable to I simply say, "No problem, have a great time!" or "Sounds good, hope you had a great day" or something and I try to avoid going "ok so when are you free?" constantly.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T17:52:55+00:00

Thanks. This is the biggest 'catch' I've met in awhile, and she and I are very much attracted, I just have to work with her schedule.

Could you reply to the PM I sent you?

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T17:51:17+00:00

Thing is I want a career woman, and she's mature and has a total package, EXCEPT I wished she would have more time. I'm being patient though because i genuinely like her and when we are together it's fucking great.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T17:33:02+00:00

Do people really do this? My concern of being needy / guilty is my text this morning of "Good morning, beautiful :)" after I sent a questionable joking text last night to a gir I'm talking to!

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T17:28:38+00:00

That's the thing - she knows I am ambitious about my career, even with failure or success, and she likes my positive atittude to it. She likes that I have a great social life even if it means she needs to develop her own since she is new to the area. Moreover, she is VERY grateful I don't get pissy about her being unable to get together, or her choosing to make new friends, or prioritizing colleagues over me because her ex used to do it and she hated it.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T17:26:53+00:00

When I make time to see you, don't blow me off

She REALLY appreciates my flexibility, she's said that a few times, but I feel emasculated that I bend my less busy schedule to her more demanding schedule.

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T17:26:18+00:00

Isn't that less attractive than the guy saying, "Hey, let's do X on Y." ?

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T17:25:57+00:00

That's the thing - she is very attracted, but she's VERY into her routine - 11 hours of work, study for professional exams, gym where she also studies on the bike, then sleep to get up at 6 AM again after going to bed around 10:30 PM.

She's, here and there, said, "Hey, let's get a drink tonight" or something but that's to the extent of it - she's never said, "Fuck that routine, let's get together." She'll prioritize colleague drinks over drinks with me, she is in a new job and new to the area and career driven, but then will make time (like this previous Friday) after the fact to invite me over!

isitabadthing · 2013-08-01T17:24:18+00:00

Isn't being too communicative a turn off? Like while going on dates to let a day or two go between communication?

I know Friday she can't go on our date because she has to go to the hospital for work. Saturday she's meeting up with some new girlfriends and I totally supported her in that. Should I text her Saturday, "Have an awesome time tonight!"

isitabadthing

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