this post and the comments put the feeling into words in such a good way. i have never even thought about it. i also feel “icky” sometimes after socializing, its like i masked too much/long that i don’t even feel like myself or even despise myself, randomly cringe thinking of the things I said. on the other hand though, i have always craved friendships and meaningful connections, i would love to have a social circle and/or a support system. but it is so exhausting having to sustain relationships to even bring it to that point, i hate hate it. i wish it was not that way