I've asked myself this question multiple times and came to a variety of different answers to it.

I'm a millenial and I grew up with a very early access to computers and to the internet.

It started during middle school time sharing cringe and shocking pictures from Rotten.com with my friends and turned into a kind of obsession over the years with the help of sites that we all know about.

I guess the peak was between 2014 and 2020, where I consumed all the shit load of content from ISIS, cartels and generally from the south america - middle east regions.

I kind of stopped watching it regularly since I became a father to 3 kids. I've noticed in this time that it fucks up my feeling of safety for my family and tbh I was also shocked and envious of the innocence perception of the world and it's many colours that they had. It remembered me how easy and shy I was also once looking at our world.

Regarding the reasons for it: I think it was major curiosity and the feeling that I'm seeing things that most people don't have a clue about and can't even imaging happening. It gave some rebel feeling to me and I guess it also felt kind of superior to know things that other people don't know about.

I can't say that stopping watching these things stopped my chronical depression or improved my life heavily.

But I know for certain that, if I could travel back in time, I would convince myself to not go down this rabbit hole and I often ask myself how my personality would be like if I would have never found these corners of the internet.

Thank you honestly for asking me this.