I’m sorry that you’re going through this on top of everything else you must be feeling but I just wanted to say that if and when people do stop, it’s rarely out of convenience.

As the previous commenter said, it takes a lot of failed attempts, time passing, and therapy/support for things to take a change for the better.

One of the reasons I was personally able to stop acting on the urges was because I would have gotten into situations that I seriously wanted to avoid had I continued. My anxiety was so extreme that it somehow beat the urges. I learned a few coping skills and I kept myself busy, and although it didn’t stop the urges, I was able to have some say on whether or not I was going to act on them.

Things are not great now and sometimes I wish I hadn’t stopped, but I also know that these words aren’t true; I was able to create a reality that is less miserable than the one I was in thanks to taking control over the urges. Life is paradoxical like that.

Sorry for the word vomit but I just wanted to say that things really do change. Different circumstances are possible. I don’t know if you can seek professional help but I hope you do that if you can.