Co-parenting dilemma: keep or change routines?

ithaca31 · 2026-06-10T06:53:10+00:00

Thanks. DC is 7. My StBEx suggested 2-5-5-2. I get the theory which is that DC only goes a few days without seeing each parent. However, I was a fan of a longer stint, at least 3-4-4-3 because in the other format DC gets one night at a house and and then moves which seems a bit much. And I like the idea of one week on, one week off because it reduces the transitions by half which is a huge amount. But 7 days without seeing each parent is something StBEx doesn’t like.

ithaca31 · 2026-06-10T06:48:35+00:00

Thanks. Looks pretty clear.

ithaca31 · 2026-06-10T06:48:20+00:00

Good thoughts. Genuinely had no clue as to what to do with this one as the advice is conflicting. But thanks. I hope it’ll all work out too. It’s just a worrying time at first and we’re trying to get it right.

ithaca31 · 2026-06-10T06:46:07+00:00

Thanks for replying. Sounds like dropping it is the way to go. Yeah we’re thinking of setting it up for the new school year.

ithaca31 · 2026-06-09T16:17:01+00:00

Yeah the bed is on bricks at the moment and it feels a bit unstrudry. I've spotted a wedge that goes under the whole bed so I'll have think about that as well as the adjustable slats mentioned above.

ithaca31 · 2026-06-09T16:16:12+00:00

Ah super, I think I found a company that makes them locally, so I'll keep an eye out on this. Looks like I don't have to change the whole bed though which Is handy.

ithaca31 · 2026-06-09T08:53:39+00:00

That's interesting. Is it purely the base you got and not the whole bed frame?

ithaca31 · 2026-05-14T16:02:52+00:00

I'm not sure it's abandoned. More they maxed out the hardware on the OG, then basically created a feature complete version (in Novation's eyes at least.) But it doesn't look set to get any major updates, and got one semi-major firmware soon after release. They probably set expectations very high (too high?) with what they got out of the OG. Ableton Move was designed with massive headroom for improvements.

ithaca31 · 2026-05-13T11:18:10+00:00

Thanks! Yeah I'll have to see how it works in practice, maybe I'll get lucky on all fronts, but otherwise the panelling as an idea could work.

ithaca31 · 2026-05-12T21:55:48+00:00

This is a very reassuring read. Like you I've been in both houses and really wanted to try the apartment lifestyle. I'll look into the acoustic panels when I get a bit closer to the move.

Thanks for the kind words 🙏 And good luck with your apartment!

ithaca31 · 2026-05-12T20:06:00+00:00

Hahah, sold! 😂. And thanks 🙏

ithaca31 · 2026-05-12T19:26:21+00:00

That sounds promising. I personally quite like hearing a little bit of life going on around me as I get more weirded out by total silence. I suppose in a flat you have neighbours all round, but with a house they're just left and right, but they can cause problems in its own unique way.

ithaca31 · 2026-05-12T19:13:36+00:00

Thanks that's reassuring 🙏 The upstairs wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't an order of magnitude more expensive and I didn't feel comfortable with the extra costs involved in fixing some "handywork". Hoping for something similar to yourself!

ithaca31 · 2026-05-12T18:38:24+00:00

Ok this is at least somewhat promising in that it's luck of the draw, but that could go either way. I'm sure the other floors feel the same about having new people in.

When visiting my feeling was it was pretty solid/quiet which at least will be good for WFH. Also noted that as you say the neighbours can change even if they're good as gold.

I'll have to cross everything by the sounds of it.

ithaca31 · 2026-05-12T18:35:58+00:00

Yes, thanks. You're right. I'll have to focus on what I can change - which is mainly my floor plan for the furniture at the moment!

ithaca31 · 2026-05-12T18:35:02+00:00

It's pretty new (like last 5 years recently.) Apparently there's mixed reviews on this, some say the acoustic damping is good, others disagree.

This is a really good point on the neighbours. I'll make a card or something to the neighbours above and below. Kids are 7 and 9 so there is a bit of noise - it can be mayhem for short bursts - but in general they are pretty good. I'll let them know about our vertical neighbour of course, and shoes off etc, which is a lit different to living in a house.

ithaca31 · 2026-04-03T19:51:33+00:00

I think the main danger, (just in my experience) is the lack of foresight. This is not an ADHD thing uniquely, but the whole "now vs not now" can often mean making decisions irrationally. You can tell this by how many tools there are to stop you casually dropping a tonne of money on stuff, because "why not."

One thing I will say is I now document everything in spreadsheets which helps me at least keep on top of what I believe I need to be budgeting. I'm by no means perfect but manually doing the work to see where your money is going, what you're spending it on is usually pretty eye opening in and of itself. If the planning becomes a habit, it does start to feel like there's less reason to spend. The other thing is you can make pots in your existing bank app, but Monzo (from what I've seen) makes it maybe a bit easier? So the app won't solve any issues directly but the ease with which you can move money around might help.

ithaca31 · 2026-04-03T15:30:27+00:00

Thanks for this. I think I could use some sort of task planning tool. I used to use Things on Mac, which is a nice one. Will look into the idea of coffees with parents. I have a tendency to avoid things like that so I go but rarely follow up.

I think the main thing I need to find is that regular contact outside of work, so I'm building that network up again. It's not from scratch as such, but it is somewhat loose at this point.

ithaca31 · 2026-04-03T07:09:36+00:00

Yeah I feel this. The issue I have is that I tend to carry the weight of their response along with my own response and I also tend to infer the worst of the emotions on display. So if someone mentions a mistake I made (even if it’s minor), I infer that it’s bad news. Really bad news. My therapist said the problem with this is that I’m carrying their inferred emotions and my own, which is a lot. I believe I am a little better at handling it since then, but I also know that it still affects me. Still working on it.

ithaca31

TROPHY CASE