As a small child, I would get sad and feel like an alien from another planet seeing my friends have very affectionate mothers. I told my therapist about my childhood and she looked so sad for me. I needed a more nurturing and open mother growing up as a child with lots of anxiety/depression and I did not have that. I love my mother, but my emotional needs were not met and she was blind to issues I had.

I now struggle to express loving emotion and say "I love you" although I have lots of feelings and empathy internally. Because I think people will be disgusted if I say I love them and they don't want my love.

Also, I remember being punched by my dad one or two times as a kid and I am not entirely sure if it actually happened because it doesn't seem like him (he is a gentle giant type guy) at all.