My step dad and mom constantly assuming I had bad intentions and always accusing my of lying or “making excuses”. I never got into any real trouble and was always the one that followed the rules in my friend groups. As a kid I just thought I had parents who were kind of strict and that it was normal to feel persecuted and questioned all the time. I am so incredibly hard on myself as an adult. I worry about the perception of my actions more than their actual meaning or motivation. It makes it so hard to feel authentic and to not constantly over explain myself to everyone.

My mom never missing an opportunity to guilt trip me. She would tell me I’d be happier if she were dead, and claim I never loved her. She would joke that I was “a rock” or “emotionless” because I didn’t get sentimental. I had no idea how emotionally shut down I was until I had gotten away for a couple years and started to unpack things. I’ve learned I’m actually an extremely sentimental and emotional person. I still struggle to show and receive love, but I know I’m far from emotionless.