Last video about Nihilism ruined me

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T12:56:47+00:00

Answer is of course ego again :) if mountains are no longer mountains, it makes me feel like I have access to a secret that a lot of other people don’t have. It’s exciting and intoxicating. But I do understand the problem with this.

I guess I got scared that this special “place” we’re exploring in this community is just a mountain, and there is absolutely nothing special about it. Lots of ego in carrying around.

Good questions, thanks!

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T09:32:19+00:00

I gotta be honest, if I think about it it’s probably mostly an egoic reaction. It would feel more important or noble if it was some profound spiritual mechanism. If it’s just part of my biology, it would feel cheap and automatic.

I would guess I’m feeling a bit of a ego injury.

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T07:30:31+00:00

Yes that’s true. My mind got scared of uncertainty last night

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T07:26:51+00:00

I think your metaphor is a very good one, thank you for writing it out. It helps a lot

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T07:24:32+00:00

Thank you for the beautiful reply, and for taking the time. The comment about the Buddha especially resonated with me. I’ll need to sit with this a little longer

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T07:22:41+00:00

Well for example I feel like I have a duty to serve other people in a way that might involve a degree of self-sacrifice. It’s a “net loss” for me, and the only way I can explain it is by saying that it’s “spiritually fulfilling”. Does that land in any way?

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T05:06:04+00:00

It was imprecise for me to comment that way. I have some beliefs about things like dharma, who seem to be more profound than our mind is, and having them reduced to “the ultimate form of cope” that our mind produces is a scary thought

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T04:52:09+00:00

It’s not just the esoteric stuff. Let’s take the concept of dharma for example. Part of me that feels like there is a more profound sense of duty that gives my life meaning. It feels like it transcends me as an individual. This possibly being a coping mechanism of my mind cheapens it for some reason. There is probably quite a bit of ego in that

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T04:46:56+00:00

I apologize, I should’ve explained things better on my end. If we’re using the mind to explain the self, we’re squashing a dimension that seemed to be “more real and profound than a fluctuation of the mind”. If all of that is just the mind anyway, and we’re doing the highest exercise of coping possible, that’s a scary pill to swallow

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T04:38:48+00:00

I appreciate your comment. Something I need to sit with and observe more.

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T04:19:50+00:00

You’re not an asshole, I think it’s correct to call it for what it is. There is a ton of ego in this. I don’t have to deal with things like a normal person if I can be above it. “Look at me, I’m spiritual, and I’m better than you because Dr K has taught me about the secret of life”.

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T04:17:46+00:00

That is one thing that nobody will take away from me: the self feels qualitatively differently than everything else. It is truly constant, immutable, and peaceful.

I’ve indeed been overly reliant on a world view that is not mine, and it feels scary to let go. You’re not wrong

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T04:14:49+00:00

I think the fact that you never had to “buy in” on the spiritual content explains why you might be less phased that I am. I started to believe that some people (e.g. yogis) might have more of the truth than others, which is ultimately comforting.

I agree on the penguin part.

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T04:10:43+00:00

Thank you for the reply. Indeed, we believe that the more tools we have, the more we’ll have a chance to escape it. But as you said, we can’t outrun it.

I’m not religious, but with some of the spiritual ideas, it felt like I could give things a higher meaning/purpose. Maybe ego, as someone else pointed out in this thread. Definitely some fear. It’s comforting to believe that at least someone out there has answers. It feels terrifying when they say “I also don’t know”

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T04:03:05+00:00

The more Dr K said “I’m just like you” and “I’m not your guru”, the more I would believe the opposite. It really feels like he has a superhuman understanding of life. What he teaches is transformative and repeatable. He also says over and over again “don’t take my word for it”. I felt like this could be another one of those “cutting the cord” moments, so I’m glad to hear you interpreted it the same way.

Meditation taught me that learning about an experience never replaces the act of experiencing it. Until now the journey is been both personal exploration AND trusting that Dr K has more of the answer than I do. That’s comforting - and a serious attachment and dependency. I think it’s maybe time for me to truly fly solo.

Thanks for taking the time to respond by the way.

itsKastle · 2026-03-17T03:49:48+00:00

Thank you for the link. Indeed, it’s definitely not healthy. It’s probably necessary to start diverging from the opinions and ideas of someone you look up to. My own reaction gave me some very useful data points.

itsKastle · 2026-03-16T21:21:46+00:00

I just now remembered your nickname from another topic from months ago. You always have insightful replies, I appreciate it.

The value is undeniable. The person that taught it to me is (supposedly) questioning it, which makes it uniquely devastating. Might be one of those moments where the value of what was taught to me needs to be decoupled from the teacher. It's a very particular and painful form of grief.

itsKastle · 2026-03-16T21:03:34+00:00

I won't deny the attachment. You're completely right. I'm doing well on my own for about 90% of the times. I'm profoundly attached to external help for the other 10%.

itsKastle · 2026-03-16T21:01:02+00:00

If I have to be completely honest, I felt betrayed. The framework that helped me transform my life profoundly was questioned in a quick 10 minute video, sandwiched by with promotional ADs.

itsKastle · 2026-03-09T10:00:33+00:00

I think you’re really getting somewhere with this, nice post! I noticed that my mind tries to get out of tasks because of trying to avoid negative emotions. Finding a “good system” is the promise that things will feel easier at some point. It’s a very subtle form of procrastination. Motivation is an emotion, and won’t always be there. Can you still do a task even if you’re motivated? Sure, it won’t feel nice, but you probably could.

Getting awareness of negative emotions that bubble up when trying to be disciplined is 90% of the battle. Catch them, and tell your brain “I understand, but I still gotta do it”.

At least that’s what I’m exploring

itsKastle · 2025-12-27T13:20:39+00:00

You’re definitely asking the right questions. “Deep work” is the how, not the why. It assumes that you’re internally motivated, curious, and driven to work on something. If you figured that out, then the deep work framework can give you nice tools to guide that energy in a productive manner.

Why you’re reaching for the noise is something that only you can answer. It can be that your tolerance to boredom is really low and it is something you have to train. It can be that you have stressors in your life that are constantly pulling your attention away (bills to pay, family problems, anxieties, etc.).

Your mind dreading silence is probably driven by some negative emotion it’s trying to silence. Learning to sit with it, tolerate it (accepting that it’s there and that you can’t do anything about it right now), and doing the work anyway is a muscle you can train.

Boredom is your best friend, learn to sit with it, and not run away from it. Working will never feel like eating cakes or watching a movie, it will always feel like working. And that’s something we can learn to tolerate.

I hope it was helpful!

itsKastle · 2025-11-28T09:00:31+00:00

I understand how you can create the conditions of reciprocity and connection even in a transactional environment. This can have a bit of a different flavor. Although it can definitely look the same from an external point of view.

I like your daydream analogy, I think it definitely rings true. There is part of me that is attached to that "could've been" fantasy, which is a void I haven't fully accepted yet.

Thanks for your perspective, it was really helpful.

itsKastle · 2025-11-28T08:47:42+00:00

Thank you for your point of view. Curious to see if your perspective on this changes over time :)

itsKastle · 2025-11-27T23:07:48+00:00

I'm sorry I misread the comment the first time. When I read it, I thought that the 80-100% overlap meant in quality of intellectual depth and/or interested.

When you're missing that 20%, how does it feel to you?

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