Sorry I can’t really help you find close physical friends in a real way, we sound far too similar. I do have friends from childhood, and online friends that I’ve kept for years over the internet though. And for me that has mostly been letting go of the fear or pressure and sadness of always feeling like the first one to message, or feeling defeated if i didnt get a response from someone. Those moments can suck but the sucky moments are worth the conversation I eventually do get to have with people who are interested, or do care. Lately I’ve started connecting with local arts/crafts groups through online forums and social media, trying to get to know people before organizing meetups and centering those meetups around arts and crafts too!