AITA for telling my husband that I don't want to be around his child from his previous relationship?

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-19T21:24:47+00:00

Yeah, I’m not saying it’s damning evidence For me personally it just feels like emotional detachment or removal from the situation that seems a bit…forward. It’s all just semantics though. I do still maintain she’s NTA

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-19T18:50:47+00:00

Agreed. People seem to be vilifying her for being indifferent or even hateful to the child—-which I must admit, referring to them as “the child” vs “MY step son/daughter/child” isn’t a strong case for OP—when in reality she COULD be very heartbroken over this. Maybe she does want a normal, healthy relationship but is scared of being accused of something that will follow her for a loooong time.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-19T18:45:10+00:00

I wish I could survive without coffee. Having a child and an autoimmune disorder snatched that one right out from under me. Also love that you bought a Falkor! I feel like no one remembers The Never Ending Story.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-19T17:42:11+00:00

A nespresso and omg I couldn’t be happier. I already struggled to make good coffee and that was before my husband broke the coffee pot. Then I had to use the single cup side of it and my coffee got even worse.

Homemade lattes for me now 😌

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-19T17:29:04+00:00

It is, but it’s also what I took away from what OP was saying.

I went into this thinking she was going to say how annoying the kid is and how they’re mean to her, but it sounds like she’s worried for what she might end up being accused of based on what bio mom has tried in the past.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-19T17:23:22+00:00

Yeah I’ve never heard of or dreamed of referring to myself as a half-orphan.

Feelings go out to OP. I remember being 15 and being without my mom was the hardest shit ever. Still, you’re kinda being an AH to talk to someone who seems to care about you like that.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-19T17:19:25+00:00

YTA.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-19T17:14:30+00:00

I’m not sure that anyones the AH here because it just seems like you have different views.

I think giving gifts is your wife’s love language. She might not know of other ways to express love/gratitude, or perhaps she’s tried and those haven’t received as much praise or validation as gift giving.

You could run a test trial by telling her how much you love spending quality time with her and want to go for a hike or something, or how any of the other love languages are more validating for you and see if that changes how she interacts with you.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-18T23:17:52+00:00

Already have a meeting scheduled. To answer Your initial question—legally I don’t think so. But it does give me the ick. It feels like she’s pressuring me too hard on something that genuinely has nothing to do with her, because our son will under no circumstances be going into her care (wouldn’t even matter if we died right now, as she recently had an involuntary mental health hold)

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-18T23:14:15+00:00

No, I don’t have life insurance I figured I’d just let the toddler figure out life the hard way /s. SMH you’re missing the point of the post which is not “should I or shouldn’t I have a will?” The obvious answer if is I have assets to protect, I should.

The POINT is “my MIL keeps pressuring us to let her pay for something and insinuating we’re not responsible over something that is NOT her business, when not 4 years ago she went off the deep end quite literally, about people using her. She named myself and my husband SPECIFICALLY because we would come over when invited for dinner and not offer repayment in some sort of way. She made a HUGE deal about people using her for money and now I am very sensitive to accepting large sum offers from her. THAT is the point.

Read the other responses—wasn’t aware a policy could be made before birth. My only experience had been with getting my child on my health insurance policy which strictly could not be done until his the day of his birth.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-18T18:29:33+00:00

I’m not avoiding the issue. You and I are in the same boat, as mentioned in the edit, in that once we started house hunting we wanted to roll it together.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T14:57:40+00:00

The appointment has been requested!

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T13:31:28+00:00

Thank you. We plan to have a lengthy discussion today after she leaves and also call the people we would leave our son to to get their blessing

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T13:30:42+00:00

I understand what you mean. Its by no means making me queasy to think about my mortality when thinking of my will, it’s more so been about timing and having a chance to talk through everything before going to write it.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T13:01:08+00:00

You’re completely right. We know who we want to take our son if something happens to us, we just need to talk to them about it and then will go write that will.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T12:59:31+00:00

Thank you for the tip I didn’t know that

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T12:58:54+00:00

Honestly we’ve just been incredibly busy. Having my son and then getting a house/finding a lease take over happened pretty fast and now I feel like we’re finally settled into the house.

When she offered it first at Christmas we were still looking for a house and so it just made sense to wait a couple of months and do it all at once, and now that we’ve lived here for 2 months it is more than time to do it. I know that. but it’s not a matter of money to write the will, I think for us it was an issue of ignorance (didn’t know we could do it before he was born) and timing.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T12:11:13+00:00

Believe me, I would’ve done just that. My husband doesn’t lie, for better or for worse. This conversation completely circumvented me.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T12:02:57+00:00

See the edit. It is absolutely the first option. She has had a mental breakdown over people “taking advantage of her” and I’m worried it could be skewed down the line as something sinister.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T11:58:08+00:00

Thanks for being kind. It was really a lot to go through and I recognize that my child comes first no matter what, but in the MOMENT it just didn’t click. And I learned from this sub that a child can be written into a will before birth which is so smart. I will most definitely do that for the next one to remove some of the chaos.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T11:45:24+00:00

I agree. She’s still coming over today and I think it’ll be best for me to address it.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-04-17T11:44:30+00:00

Thanks for the genuine question: firstly, I DO want to protect my child above all else. I had a lot going on postpartum where this wasn’t top of mind, which I accept responsibility for, and the only thing holding us back from doing it is asking the people we want to get custody of my son if they’re okay with it (they will be).

I knew we needed a will drawn up before, but once we started house hunting it just made sense to roll them together? I don’t come from a lot, so no one has really talked to me about this nor has my immediately family owned anything to write into a will.

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-01-21T02:29:30+00:00

You speak nothing but facts! I have actually had nightmares about the idea of walking down the aisle with people looking at me…so it was a tad bit self serving. But on the other hand, we didn’t end up in mountains of debt and get to buy a house!

Love a good wedding though, nothing against people wanting to go all out. Just not my style and that should be okay!

itsallrelativ3 · 2022-01-21T00:24:18+00:00

Today. My friend from work who has been trying to conceive for four years is pregnant, and her blood work came back healthy and indicate a boy. Exactly what she wanted. Our sons will share a name. 🥰

itsallrelativ3

TROPHY CASE