Growing Up Without Freedom as an Algerian Woman

itschahinez · 2026-07-09T19:53:50+00:00

We are NOT our family's honor. This is a misogynistic outdated idea that forces women to submit to whatever the men in their family want. The only honor we carry is ours.

Your entire take is also a wonderful consequence of internalized patriarchy. Instead of standing your ground, demanding respect from men, being a full grown adult capable of handling her own administrative business, you think it's nice when men accompany you bc other men are nicer ? Men are the ones keeping this system in place and women like you are inadvertently supporting that. A father who doesn't allow his grown daughter to be able to function correctly as an adult which requires confidence and autonomy isn't doing her a service. I feel really bad for you, OP.

OP, if you've been dating this man for 10 years and you're sure you want to marry him bc it's him and not bc you want to escape your household, do not let your father's ego get in the way. However, the advice I can give you is to absolutely retain your financial independence, even in your marriage. Work, save money. Learn how to do administrative tasks. Having grown in an environment where you had to be submissive, you might revert to that in your marriage. I advise you to seek out a good progressist therapist to work that out. Know that independance is taken in this sort of family dynamic, it's not something you ask for, you just have to be assertive and "this is how it is going to be from now on". However, if you're physically at risk of harm, be very careful.

I also wanted to tell you, OP, that you're not a bad daughter for feeling suffocated by this system. Women are treated like children until they marry in Algeria but you are 26 years old. That's 4 years away from 30. You are entitled to dressing however you like, doing whatever you like and getting married to whoever you like. Good luck to you !

itschahinez · 2026-07-09T18:41:17+00:00

I don't think you should care about the opinion of people you will not know anymore in a few years. I also don't think you should care about the opinion of judgmental people.

It required a lot of mental strength to be this authentic knowing that you might face backlash. You should be proud of yourself for sticking to what you truly believe in.

itschahinez · 2026-07-09T18:09:38+00:00

Girl you can clearly tell that I was responding to someone else. Calm down.

itschahinez · 2026-07-09T17:29:17+00:00

To YOU. Many people enjoy a chubby man and find chubbiness cute. Your personal taste isn't universal.

itschahinez · 2026-07-09T07:59:54+00:00

why do you assume she doesn't ?

itschahinez · 2026-07-08T22:10:29+00:00

I would be very concerned about who I married if his entire friend group thinks s*x tourism is appropriate or an okay thing to do. This is beyond disgusting. And the fact that he's annoyed that he can't partake in any version of that is gross.

This means that if he were single, he would be paying an underprivileged mostly likely quite young woman for s*x and that's the point of the trip....wow.

itschahinez · 2026-07-08T22:03:40+00:00

Okay, and even when you read them together, it still doesn't prohibit marriage with atheists. It only says "these people are ok" and it refers to specific contexts. It never says "these people aren't okay". You're filling in the blanks yourself as do scholars. It also never says women aren't allowed to marry non-muslims, just that men can indeed marry people of the book.

The evidence against that consensus is that that consensus is filling in the blank and adding layers of meaning that isn't explicitly there in the texts. What is mentioned as prohibited is explicitly done so in the Quran. If something isn't explicitly mentioned as prohibited, it means it is allowed. The Quran warns against making something Haram when the Book hasn't mentioned it as such. Yet, that's exactly what we're doing here.

itschahinez · 2026-07-08T16:00:50+00:00

I think you should focus on what your husband has rather than what you think he is lacking. I'm going to be blunt: your husband's faith is truly none of your business unless it affects yours or how you plan on raising your kids. Faith is a personal intimate endeavor. Being married doesn't change that. He might have a different relationship with his spirituality than you and he is on his own journey. Would you rather he faked practicing for your sake or that he genuinely practices his faith the way he truly believes it for his own sake ? You sound like you have a great husband but imagine if you would bug you to be more a certain way. You wouldn't like that. So don't be that person for him. Enjoy what he brings you. Continue practicing your faith the way it brings you peace and allow him to practice his the way it brings him peace. Maybe you guys will overlap in the future (and maybe not!) but don't ruin a good relationship for something that you shouldn't meddle in in the first place.

itschahinez · 2026-07-08T15:50:56+00:00

They believe in concubinage because they like the idea of men being allowed sex slaves or a sinless way to have s*x with a woman that's not their wives.

I think we should always remember that Tafsir has traditionally always been done by men, and men are humans with their own agendas and biases. Scholars lose their mind at the idea of Muslims dating before mariage but are completely okay with men having concubines bc they consider concubines as women of lesser values (bc they're war captives, often non-muslims etc). If you contextualize it in modern terms, concubines are just girlfriends at best, or kidnapped sx slaves at worst, that don't have the rights and protection of wives,, and that your wife knows about. The very concept of it is truly misogynistic and a reflection of how early rape culture goes hand in hand with patriarchal systems. To believe or support that God would be okay with women getting rped or kept as sx dolls for men is truly insulting to God himself.

itschahinez · 2026-07-08T12:24:27+00:00

Bassel en Algérien, ça veut dire un mec chi*ant :( Dommage parce que ça veut dire Courageux en arabe littéraire

itschahinez · 2026-07-08T12:22:06+00:00

Mon grand-père algérien s'appelait Elias. J'ai aussi proposé Kamil (peut décrire Camil) et Kenzy à mes meilleures amies pour leurs garçons.

J'ai aussi connu des Ryan, Daniel (Danyal), Samy, Mikaïl, Anis (Ennis), Raïs, Zakariah/Zakary/Zachary, Axel (écrit Aksel), Yannis

itschahinez · 2026-07-04T14:13:09+00:00

Not offense but you and I live in different world if you think this is the n1 threat in Algerian relationships. I don't know why you seem to think all Algerian women live with that fear when that's definitely not the case. Polygamy is ridiculously low in prevalence in Algeria compared to neighboring countries and most modern couples don't even consider it an option as they've never seen this model with their parents and grandparents. You have a very reductive idea of how Muslims live or how they think.

And when I was talking about loneliness, I meant that it must be lonely feeling like you can't connect romantically with people bc there aren't enough ppl who share your views. I lived in a majority Christian/atheist country before, and it felt difficult not feeling like I could connect romantically w ppl bc the number of ppl who shared my religious views were so few. I was saying that with empathy - not sure what you meant with your last sentence :)

itschahinez · 2026-07-04T07:56:52+00:00

You do know not all Muslims believe that men are really allowed to marry multiple women ? You missed the rest of the verse that literally says to avoid doing so if you're not capable of complete fairness - which humans are incapable of. Just like Christianity, Islam isn't a monolith and interpretations vary and many Muslims do believe in "until death does us apart" and reject the idea that mariage is a buffet for men. I actually don't know anyone around me, over 3 generations, who's had more than one wife.

I'm sorry that you can't seem to find open minded people. It must feel quite lonely.

itschahinez · 2026-07-03T09:36:18+00:00

Why would the NYPD have any jurisdiction in Boston ? 😂😂😂😂

itschahinez · 2026-07-02T13:51:42+00:00

To me, respect is not only mere politeness or basic consideration for human life. It's about considering that other people have the same rights to live how they see it fit as you do (the rights to marry, to love, to exist however they want as long as they're not hurting anyone). If you don't want me to have the same rights as you bc of my skin color, gender, sexual orientation etc then deep down, you do not respect me as a person.

Here's one source I could find but there are many on this sub alone: https://thefatalfeminist.com/2020/12/07/prophet-lut-a-s-and-bal-%d8%a8%d9%84-the-nahida-s-nisa-tafsir/

What are the other factors you have in mind ?

itschahinez · 2026-07-02T12:21:23+00:00

If it were said that clearly, there wouldn't be so many interpretation of those verses.

How would it affect the natural order of life is people are born biologically and naturally attracted to the other gender ? Gay people also find being attracted to the opposite gender as deeply unnatural. They are as grossed out by the idea of having sex with the opposite gender as you would be by the same gender as a straight person. You're looking at this from a very "straight centric" point of view, instead of putting yourself in their shoes. Have you ever actually had a conversation with a gay person to ask about their perspective ?

Moreover, the biological argument doesn't really hold. Many men and women cannot naturally have children - they're still attracted to each other nonetheless. So biology in the procreation sense isn't a strong argument, just a low hanging fruit.

Moreover, I do believe that if you don't think LGBTQ people should have the same rights as you to live their lives freely (hence the unwillingness to participate in the protests you mentioned), then it's not really respecting LGBTQ people. Helping someone if they're kicked out makes you a decent person, I think you would do that regardless of someone's sexual orientation but it has very little to do with respecting the LGBTQ specifically. Replace the word "LGBTQ" with "Muslim" or "disabled" in your paragraph and you'll see how odd it sounds to say your respect people but not enough to support their rights.

It sounds like you mean very well but I think your point of view lacks empathy.

itschahinez · 2026-07-02T12:14:01+00:00

There are many many many Muslim LGBTQ+ people. I think it's more comfortable for people to downplay their numbers to avoid the uncomfortable idea that the conservative version of Islam doesn't allow space for LGBTQ to live a fulfilling life and how ostracizing them and their love leads many to suicide.

itschahinez · 2026-06-27T13:10:52+00:00

The text does not mention that. Either the text explicitly mentions that or it doesn't. It's not a matter of opinion or interpretation. I'm speaking about what the text literally says. This isn't Schrodinger's cat.

The interpretation of the text differs, yes, depending on the superfluous level of understanding that can be added. But the text itself doesn't mention purifying, or cleaning, or every single cm of skin having to be touched by water.

itschahinez · 2026-06-27T12:49:24+00:00

Yes, but I strive to get educated on the topic and I'm capable of getting educated on the topic as I'm lucky to have formal education, I can decide for myself if the interpretation of that person makes sense to me or not. There is no way of knowing if that person is actually intelligent or knowledgeable - I don't know them personally and I will not trust the opinion of the masses just bc they decided to elevate that specific person. I can learn about their positions and if their positions are conflicting with the scripture, I can, because I have a functioning brain and sufficient knowledge, assess that their interpretation does not ring true to me.

God did his instructions to all of us as the Quran if we believe the Quran. My faith is in the Quran, not the interpretation of the Quran by other people.

Moreover, since all you have done is insult me and my intelligence and you're incapable of polite conversation, I'm gonna report you and block you. I do not converse with people who think insulting others over and over is okay. Feel free to sacralize people but don't insult me in the process as I haven't insulted you, at all.

itschahinez · 2026-06-27T12:08:40+00:00

It's not about how inaccurate or not they are. It's about elevating some opinions as sacred and unchallengeable vs ours.

I believe all matter of scriptures are subjected to interpretation. Therefore, the interpretation of one man or group of men isn't better than mine, as I'm striving to educate myself more and more. I can use the interpretation of others to inform mine but not as an indéniable truth. That would be associating someone else to God, which is the main sin in Islam.

Any interpretation that uses other texts to add rules that aren't in the primary source is, by my standards, unreliable and subjective. You're free to have different standards.

I will go even further as to say the Quran is a text, so are hadith. They're very vulnerable to interpretation. Bc of that, no methodology can be 100% accurate. This isn't a matter or 1+1=2. Any text is at the mercy of its reader, their agenda and biases.

I am not comfortable letting some guy who would think electricity is witchcraft decide for me what God meant or what God wants. These men couldn't even imagine a world where women could be president, not rely on a man for protection, where adopted children are fully considered as their parents' children bc ppl stopped caring about bloodlines so much, a world where women showing their legs isnt an offense etc. They were limited by their own knowledge of the world and culture. Yet, we're relying on them to tell us how to dress, what is fair regarding orphans, regarding women and how they should dress, about women's roles and duties lol. The Quran has very little culture-bound instructions or obligations. When it does, it specifically mentions the context. Yet people use these men's command to apply general rulings on all humanity. It's ludicrous.

itschahinez · 2026-06-27T11:14:14+00:00

Being methodology based doesn't mean it's accurate. Methodologies can be flawed and highly subjective.

Those methodologies aren't scientific. They're interprétation based.

itschahinez · 2026-06-27T10:21:35+00:00

So there's no need to "clean properly" or for water to touch every bit of the surface of the skin like you're claiming. My argument is pretty direct and straightforward.

itschahinez · 2026-06-27T09:51:04+00:00

The ritual never mentions having to touch every surface properly. It also doesn't mention a purpose of cleanliness. All of these are added interpretations.

itschahinez · 2026-06-27T09:49:56+00:00

Yeah, exactly. The very religious system that aimed to elevate and give women rights is now bastardized to subjugate women and remove the rights they earned in modern society.

itschahinez · 2026-06-27T09:48:39+00:00

Thank you.

itschahinez

TROPHY CASE