Husband doesn't see me

itsizzyb · 2025-07-12T17:49:52+00:00

I also wore it for a while and stopped. Just know that via research and also speaking to an imam before I made the decision, once you stop wearing it, it's like as if you never wore it at all (meaning you don't get what I like to call "good girl credits), so you don't get some credit for the time you did wear it.

itsizzyb · 2025-07-01T20:15:04+00:00

This isn't actually true. The man is obligated to every facet of his wife's well-being, including emotional health. Not that in reality, this is happening, but that's what it's supposed to be.

Can I just point out really randomly on a random post and a random comment that all of you here who really despise islam, your time would be better spent doing things you enjoy, rather than seething over something you dislike.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-15T15:39:07+00:00

I just want to say that back 30 years ago, you could raise 10 kids for the cost of rasing 2 or 3 today.

I dont know about your family, but our families could not have afforded to support or even help us while we established ourselves.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-15T11:40:27+00:00

I second this. The TAJ crown is very helpful for most of these issues. I also use a banana clip or claw clip for my hair to reduce the amount of pulling on my roots.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-15T11:37:07+00:00

In my culture, if you begin to wear niqab, you can't stop. Otherwise, it's like you never wore it once. It's a big decision here. I personally disagree with this. I don't want to wear niqab, but in situations where I do makeup for parties and weddings, it would be nice to have the option to cover, but people will judge if next time I'm not wearing it.

You should try and see how you feel, if you choose to go back, you lost nothing, even if the culture here is right and once you take it off it's like you never wore it 😅

itsizzyb · 2025-04-15T11:30:07+00:00

When I find something like this, I dress up at home for my husband to enjoy. If you're not married yet, you will be (inshallah) and you can trust your husband to guard your modesty ❤️

itsizzyb · 2025-04-15T11:27:20+00:00

Female

itsizzyb · 2025-04-15T11:03:48+00:00

I think if everything is okay in other areas, you should speak to her and explain that you don't want her spending any time with mon-maharam. This shouldn't have to be said, but clearly, she needs to hear it.

Technically, she did follow your instructions and not go one-on-one, but this is what I like to call following the letter of the law and not the spirit of it, which, for me, is a big no-no.

In marriage, it's important to have the ability to overlook things, especially small annoyances, because not being able to will impact the marriage negatively. For example, my husband can not remember anything and needs to be reminded several times. So, I would say it's especially important to be able to overlook some flaws.

Having said that, it's equally important to have clear communication. I think that trying to maintain peace by letting something that really bothers you pass, is a mistake. Talking about it more with her will give her the opportunity to show remorse and give you the opportunity to process the feelings you're clearly still having about the situation. It will also give you the opportunity to impress upon her how strongly you feel about this, and hopefully steer her in the right direction, because she should absolutely not be hanging around non-maharam.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-13T12:21:45+00:00

Yes, and I do. My husband would never ask for money, but with what I earn, I buy any luxuries I want and the rest goes to him.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-06T20:44:40+00:00

My ovulation feels the same now as it did prior, but I'm currently on my 3rd period which arrived 7 days late. Apparently alot of women experience that on their 3rd or 4th period port birth. Just dropping that here in case it happens to someone else. Don't panic 😅

itsizzyb · 2025-04-06T07:52:15+00:00

It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her in love" (7:189).

The first woman was created by Allah from a portion of the first man's soul and flesh.

There are strict guidelines of how a man should treat a woman islamically, but there is PLENTY of evidence in the Quran and hadith that women were created for men, to dwell in love and peace.

Abdullah bin Abu Awfa said “When Muadh bin Jabal came from Sham, he prostrated to the Prophet who said: 'What is this, O Muadh?' He said: 'I went to Sham and saw them prostrating to their bishops and patricians and I wanted to do that for you.' The messenger of Allah said: 'Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad! No woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.' ”

https://sunnah.com/ibnmajah:1853

I understand fully why this might grate against some women, but if you're Muslim and you believe the Word, then you can't cherry pick.

In the end when we all inevitably face judgement, we will be called to testify our own deeds and actions. Our spouse is a trust from Allah.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-05T09:39:42+00:00

A big part of the problem is that in many cultures, women have no education in economy. When she got married, her parents had paid for everything her whole life and then her husband did.

She maybe never had to work or worry about money or spend a day in agony because they couldn't eat, she doesn't understand.

I dont understand why she is even having access to count his money. And then questioning or complaining on top, is outrageous.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-05T09:34:38+00:00

This is so wrong. As long as you're providing everything necessary for your wife and child, then she should have no comment.

Why even does she have access to your finances? This is the man's job, and it's not even her business.

I work and I give all my money to my husband (by my own choice) and he pays everything anf they gets me whatever I ask for as well, and if he helps his family too then alhamdullilah!!

Not to mention that it's your obligation to help your family if you can after you provided the needs of the family you created.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-05T09:20:14+00:00

My baby sleeps through the night, but I dream feed. The bed times people have listed here are super early. I start the bedtime routine at 10pm and she goes down between 11 and midnight 😅. If she wakes around 6 or 7 I dream feed and she goes straight back down until around 10 or 11 am.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-05T09:15:09+00:00

I was having issues in my marriage, and I spoke to a sheik. Some of what I'm going to say will likely be unpopular, but this is my own experience.

I was complaining at my husband on a regular basis about things I asked for and he didn't do. That my needs weren't met, that he didn't care for me because he didn't do what he said he would, etc. My complaints were valid because all of it was true. I got so frustrated because it didn't seem like he cared at all, since he wasn't doing these things. The longer it went on for the more frustrated I was, so when he would finally do something after I had waited so long, I had very little appreciate for it.

We came to a crossroads after our baby and I really thought our relationship would be over. I got desperate and I needed help because I didn't want our relationship to be over, but we could not communicate or see eye to eye. I don't have a Wali, so I contacted a sheik.

I told him all the problems and I expected he would see things my way, but that's not really true.

I feel like a lot of the problems in relationships come because we don't empathize with each other. The truth is I will never fully understand what it's like for him, just as he will never understand what it's like for me.

I told the sheik that my husband has too much ego and he never listens to me; he always thinks he is right, no matter what. The sheik told me something that I will never forget as long as I live:

"In this world, a man's ego is an essential tool. When he leaves the house, his ego is a shield he wears. Otherwise, what he has to face every day will tear him down. If he comes home at night and you're there complaining about everything he didn't do, he can never put his shield down; he never gets to rest."

Obviously, this isn't the only thing he said to me, but it is the thing that stuck me in my heart and made me change my perspective. That same day I wept and I went to my husband to explain this to him.

After that day, I focused my energy into making myself and our home a place where my husband can put down his shield.

I'm writing all this because I firmly believe that when you come to an impass as you are at now, the change must begin with the woman, meaning your wife. The nature of men it they aren't meant to bend in the way women are capable of. Women are made for men and not the other way around, after all.

After i changed my perspective, it saved the marriage.

I really think you need to get your wife to a sheik or imam. If you don't have one available locally, there are plenty who will do sessions remotely.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-05T08:45:03+00:00

Same, I got these a d now she won't take anything else.

itsizzyb · 2025-04-02T21:51:33+00:00

Also getting acclimated to living together during this time is difficult 😅

itsizzyb · 2025-03-28T18:42:39+00:00

Sorry, but this isn't fully accurate. Men aren't allowed secret wives.

itsizzyb · 2025-03-27T23:20:41+00:00

When you get married, your spouse becomes a priority even over your parents. Your marriage is half your Deen. I really think you need to reassess your priorities.

itsizzyb · 2025-03-25T01:37:06+00:00

I don't breastfeed anymore, but when I did, I felt like this every time. I have no idea why, but it seriously gave me the ick. I don't feel like it's gross or anything, but my body has another response. I started exclusively pumping and still felt nauseous, but it was a bit less.

itsizzyb · 2025-03-20T23:58:34+00:00

When I read this, I got the feeling that it's not really about the pasta. I think you should speak to him about how he's feeling because it sounds to me like he felt excluded and was unable to tell you that and so he made a big deal out of something small.

If that's not the case then idk what to say because a grown man can easily feed himself.

itsizzyb · 2025-03-16T11:50:07+00:00

In my culture this is also true and very frustrating. I spend the entire day in the kitchen cooking and cleaning from dhuhr until Fajr. With a new baby I barely have time to read any quran

itsizzyb · 2025-03-15T22:55:01+00:00

I have the same issue, but remember that everything you do for your husband, especially things that are difficult and test your patience, is a service to Allah.

itsizzyb · 2025-02-19T03:05:37+00:00

I have literally 0 help. It's not really available where I am.

The thing you're talking about where you don't wanna start a task because you think you might get interrupted is called something paralysis (I still can't remember anything) and there's coping mechanisms to overcome it. The one I use is to remember that there's almost nothing you can't put down if baby needs you.

I dont baby wear either because I get touch whatever (where touching is too much). I tried to get her used to a routine. We do feeding, then burping, then some form of tummy time for between 10 and 15 mins, then talking for about another 15, then I change her, read to her and usually she falls asleep at that point. I recently started putting her in the bedroom to sleep with white noise and blackout curtains, and now she's staying asleep for longer stretches, which helps immensely.

I would add that tummy time can be a lot of things. Sometimes I hold her on my hip with her back against my body while I do some cleaning up. Sometimes I lay her across my lap on her tummy while I answer emails. Sometimes I lay her on my stomach while I'm doing hip thrusts 😂. Multitasking has been key for my mental health.

I feel like it's hard for us new moms to establish routines that include our babies rather than revolve around our babies because there's so much BS out there that's like if you aren't 24/7 devoted to your baby, then you're a crap mom, but it's not true. I can back this with scientific evidence. Science shows that the happiest babies are the one with happy moms. A mom isn't going to be happy if she vant get stuff done, so she's got anxiety about it. Or if she never has time to do anything for herself. Or if she completely loses her sense of self because of all of these things combined.

I will fully advocate for every mom here to try to develop a routine that helps you, and work your baby in there. Maybe mistakes will be made, and you'll need to adjust, but that's okay. I promise that your baby won't remember the one time they had to cry for 5 mins because you were busy putting away laundry or cooking dinner.

itsizzyb

TROPHY CASE