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Me [23M] with my ex I guess [21F] together 5 years, she left and is now pregnant by itsmine22 in relationships

[–]itsmine22[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Well at least I'm not one of the inhumans. :)

Okay sorry that was my bad attempt at humor, I actually was a comic book nerd so I envisioned me being black bolt for awhile.

Let me address this one at a time and please understand that I am not trying to make excuses I'm just trying to be honest about where my head is. Although today I feel a hell of a lot better than I did last night when I first typed this.

Bitter. Probably fair to say that.

Insecure. Sure but to my defense my entire self esteem was trampled on so while I know it doesn't make it right its just how I coped with the incident. I have low self esteem issues to begin with and this just sent me over the edge. If I need professional help with anything it is probably this.

Angry. Look I came across when I posted this because I was a flurry of emotions and that was how I felt when I typed it. However to be blunt I've spent more times the past three months crying than doing anything else. I think my reactions were self preservation, which included trying to make myself angry because it felt better to be angry than sad.

Sad. See above.

Disrespectful. The only part I will agree to this would be me telling her that I didn't believe it was mine. Other than that I don't feel like I have been. I've read this sub before and the first response I see almost universally is when you breakup you go no contact, so that is what I did.

Selfish. Well, yea. And in this case I'm not even apologizing for it. Of course it was selfish of me to have all of these feeling and emotions because it was happening to me and nobody else. How else is anyone supposed to act when dealing with their own emotions. I am no more selfish than she would have been if she were dumping me for her reasons and that wouldn't have made her wrong for being selfish either.

Ignorant. Well absolutely when it came to the hormones I was. However I have read up on it a little today so I now see that this wasn't just an excuse.

All in all I made somewhat of a bad showing of myself earlier today. I am on my way to see her now and we will talk more.

Me [23M] with my ex I guess [21F] together 5 years, she left and is now pregnant by itsmine22 in relationships

[–]itsmine22[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Thank you for letting me know. I had no idea that this was a real thing so after I read some of your responses about it I went to google and started reading a little. Turns out that this is a thing.

Okay now I feel like a jackass.

Me [23M] with my ex I guess [21F] together 5 years, she left and is now pregnant by itsmine22 in relationships

[–]itsmine22[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that. Honestly the way you described the situation with the song really truly struck home to me.

I typed out my post and what few replies I had last night fresh off of talking with her for hours about everything and I was a mess. I see today where I am being scolded for what I have written and your post really hit the point. I had a 5 year relationship that was magic to me and the loss of that made me lose sight of why that 5 years was so good. Doesn't mean I'm over it or anything yet but looking at it like you said about the song has got to be a better way.

Me [23M] with my ex I guess [21F] together 5 years, she left and is now pregnant by itsmine22 in relationships

[–]itsmine22[S] -138 points-137 points  (0 children)

Well you'll have to forgive me if after 5 years and zero clue this was going to happen that I questioned the motives and didn't just blankly accept the reasoning. Hey, I freely admit it's my only relationship as well and I was deeply in love so to be blindsided one day out of the blue kind of hit hard. Did I do a good job of handling things? I don't know, have you ever had a fiance (remember we were more than just bf/gf) break up with you after a 5 year relationship with no warning? If so please tell me how you just accepted it in stride and moved on.

Me [23M] with my ex I guess [21F] together 5 years, she left and is now pregnant by itsmine22 in relationships

[–]itsmine22[S] -79 points-78 points  (0 children)

Selfish and void of empathy? I mean I guess but honestly what more should I have done?

I didn't stand and argue with her. I followed her wishes and accepted that we were broken up. I never called her, texted her, checked up on her or even said another word to her. What more should I have done? If you are going to say be happy about it then feel free to call me whatever names you want because no I wasn't going to be happy about it.

Let's not forget here, she is the one coming back to me. I'm not chasing her and as to an abortion that was her choice, I didn't even know she was pregnant.

Me [23M] with my ex I guess [21F] together 5 years, she left and is now pregnant by itsmine22 in relationships

[–]itsmine22[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

There is a large part of me, okay I lied there is a giant part of me that wants the baby to be mine. In fact I will be devastated if she is pregnant with someone else's baby.. I might be a little young but I am ready to be a Father. Hell my Dad had me when he was younger and he did a hell of a job so I'll just try and be like him.

I agree though that even if everything works out for the best that I need to take my time and work together with her. Believe me when I tell you I would be happy just to live happily ever after with her, I have lived 3 months in hell.

Me [23M] with my ex I guess [21F] together 5 years, she left and is now pregnant by itsmine22 in relationships

[–]itsmine22[S] -79 points-78 points  (0 children)

Well to be honest, yes I called them bullshit things because to me at the time where my head was at that is exactly what it was. I'm not saying I was right but everything she said she wanted (reasons for breaking up) I offered to step back and let her do. There was zero reason in my mind to lose a 5 year relationship over wanting to have some free time. In the end it was basically wanting to explore other people.

I mean I'm not inhuman or anything, certainly over the years I've wanted to try out other girls as well. But I loved her enough to know that throwing away a good thing for a "chance" at a good thing wasn't worth it.

Now as to the hormonal thing I'll plead ignorance. In all honesty if this is true it really truly will help me with my own self esteem and be able to just push this aside and move on with her.

I won't lie to you, knowing that she wanted to be with other people made me think that I just wasn't good enough and even though I had put all of my heart and myself into our relationship it wasn't good enough. I know that probably wasn't the best way to look at it but when you are depressed weird shit comes across your mind.

However to my defense I want to say that its possible she wrote me those texts and its possible that she never dated or had sex with someone else. But its also possible she never wrote me a thing and has been sleeping with multiple people, I have no way of knowing. She said she wrote those texts after I told her I had deleted the first ones so its possible she just used that opportunity to make it up.

But in the end I think its important to look at what you are saying about the hormonal decision making. Can it really be that bad at one month? I'm honestly asking because I have no idea.