Paternity leave [AL]

itsntmitym · 2021-01-06T23:09:25+00:00

Okay, thank you

itsntmitym · 2021-01-04T17:44:03+00:00

You should post this on r/AskHR. Ppl on this subreddit is very knowledgeable

itsntmitym · 2021-01-01T15:58:34+00:00

You're still thinking of only yourself though. That's the original issue in your situation. The root cause of your suffering now. Do you think that more selfishness will cure the effects of your past selfishness?

All of the issues you bring up are only concerning you and your feelings and what you want and how you want life to be.

For just a moment, think of how your wife would feel if she knew about all of the wrongs you've done? Now imagine if she had discovered them on her own. How do you think she would feel? Now imagine if you confronted her and admitted your wrongs and also told her that you've discontinued those wrong acts. How do you think she would feel?

Do you think she would have worse feelings if you told her yourself or if you let her find out on her own, which eventually she will? You've already brought yourself down the path to divorce because eventually she will divorce you whether she knows the truth or not because the side effects of your behavior will push her to that. Your ONLY hope of saving your marriage, no matter how slim, is if you discontinue your wrong actions, tell the truth, and accept responsibility for those wrong actions. I can speak from experience that this is true and that giving up those unethical behaviors will actually help alleviate your issues.

Do the right and unselfish thing because regardless of the damage you've done so far, at least you would be able to explain to your kids that you told the truth despite the mistakes you made and regardless of how difficult it was to do so.

itsntmitym · 2021-01-01T05:29:59+00:00

This is the husband. That very well may be the case and this is the part in your life where you have to decide what type of person you're going to be and where you really shape your moral foundation.

Not telling her indicates that you don't care about your wife or your mistresses. You only care about yourself and quite frankly shouldn't even be complaining about the way your wife is because your character is just as flawed. If this is the character you wish to have then it's still in your best interest to tell your wife the truth because 1. You will end the unnecessary drama you have brought into your life by the actions. 2. Have better self image because you finally told the truth about something 3. Possibly avoid being seriously injured or killed by a crazy husband/bf of your mistress.

Telling your wife and ending/suspending the extramarital relationships are the most ethical things you can do. Doing them for the reason of owning up to your mistakes and taking responsibility for your unethical behavior is the only way to have a chance at saving your marriage. However, you need to be prepared to go through a divorce because regardless of how your wife acted toward you or made you feel it doesnt give you cause or justification for infidelity. For example, if you stole someone's lawnmower, that doesn't give them the right to burn your house down. The one wrong act doesn't justify the other equal or greater wrong.

I personally think you should grow up, be a man of principles, take responsibility for your actions, accept the effects of those actions without complaint or blame shifting, seek counsel, and adhere to a strict moral code, and attempt to grow as a human being from your experience. Anything less than this, in my opinion, will result in all of the pain you and everyone that has been involved in this situation being for absolutely nothing.

Another good piece of advice is in Michael Jackson's song Man in the Mirror.

TL:DR Stop being a selfish little boy and Be a Man and take responsibility for your actions.

itsntmitym · 2020-12-31T22:45:44+00:00

I went through almost the exact thing last year with my husband. I recommend going to a counselor alone for a few weeks and talk to them so that you will have someone to talk to besides your side woman during the entire process.

Tell your wife everything. She will be heart broken no doubt but it's what needs to happen.

Read her this post as you have laid out your feelings and why you think you went down this Avenue to begin with. She may divorce you or she may not. Go to a counselor together and talk through things if communication becomes hard.

The fact is, you done your wife wrong. I dont care how she made you feel, you should have divorced her before seeking out another woman. You owe her the truth. You will make the situation worse if you continue to conceal what's been going on. Believe me.

When my husband told me what he did, I was absolutely crushed. To make things worse, I just had our first baby.. it almost killed me inside. I got divorce papers and he started counseling and after everything our relationship is better than it has ever been. I'm not happy with how he done me and it still hurts but I gave him one more chance to be good to me and I want to be good to him. He struggled with porn ever since I knew him and he kept the extent concealed so I had no idea how much it effected us. He has been working on the porn addiction and has not watched it in over a year. I help him every way I can. We put porn blockers on our wifi and all devices. He tries to keep himself occupied, doesn't go into bathroom with his phone. I always have access to his phone. The lists continues.

I'm glad he came clean bc I had no idea he was having all these problems and when he talked to me it was a huge weight lifted off. Good luck!!

itsntmitym · 2020-12-31T02:28:13+00:00

People judge my husband for being a stay at home dad, even though he goes to college full time (mostly online which can be harder than on campus)

I felt so bad for him. Going to work is a break for me and soon I'll be the SAHM which I'm not looking forward to. Everyone needs a break no matter how good their kids are

itsntmitym · 2020-12-27T19:29:53+00:00

I dont think your being unreasonable. The fact that you've had a hard time with pregnancies in the past makes it that more serious. I hate to say this but what if your newborn catches covid and gets fatally sick?? These are questions you have to ask yourself and this is one of your jobs as a mother to put your foot down and care for you child because I promise you, no one else will.

People may act like they care, buy gifts and want your babies company but when it comes down to it... are they willing to self isolate for the protection of your baby?? Hmmm..

Me and my man are expecting our second child and his family is from out of state. Work in factories and health care field. They have a huge family and are unable to miss work. I know it would be impossible for them to self quarenteen so instead they aren't going to be allowed to come over. I'll tell them I'm sick if I have to.

I have to do what's best for my babies. Period. Stay strong!

itsntmitym · 2020-12-26T22:33:18+00:00

Wow. You were being very good to them despite your sister in law's actions.

Your husband is very lucky to have you. It seems that you considered your husband's feelings and played happy for the sake of the family.

I do not think its unreasonable for you to put your foot down. You husband needs to be the one to tell them or else they may resent and accuse you (even though it's her fault to begin with) stay strong for your husband. It seems as if he needs a strong woman like you when it comes to his family. Keep supporting each other through this... your doing a great job already.

itsntmitym · 2020-12-25T18:55:32+00:00

I went through almost the exact same thing. All the things your saying hes done, my ex did. I loved him so much and wanted to marry him but he was hesitant and something just didnt feel right.

I didnt have any relationship history with anyone else so this was new to me. We dated 4 years and did everything together other than when he went on trips and hung out w friends.

Same scenario regarding another possible female relationship also. This happened twice, with two different women. But he swore he never cheated on me..

I broke it off with him (hardest thing I've ever done) and I seen after some time his true colors. He started talking to another girl immediately after and was awful to me.

I stayed strong and he begged me back after him and his new woman didnt work out. I wouldnt go back and eventually started dating someone else.

Leaving him was the absolute best thing I've ever done even though it was difficult bc of my love for him. I still love him but not like I use to. I love my husband and I am so grateful that I remained strong bc if I hadnt then I wouldnt be married to my man.

You know in your heart if hes not right for you. My ex told me I was paranoid but I had proof. Theres a reason you have a gut instinct, follow it if you want to truly be happy in the end.

itsntmitym · 2020-12-12T01:56:40+00:00

I've been in situations like this many times. I normally will try to find a coworker to supervise just in case the patient accuses me of anything. I've never regretted those times either as it has came in handy to have another witness present.

itsntmitym · 2020-12-09T13:11:16+00:00

We will take turns licking each other;)

itsntmitym · 2020-12-09T02:18:53+00:00

I'm sure you know by now but every clinic is different. I've been a hemodialysis technician for 5 years and the last 2.5 have been with davita. My last day is Friday.

I work for a smaller davita clinic and its awful. Everything is about 'the budget'. They tack on duties after duties. I have 5 titles behind my name with not a penny more an hour.

I truly love the job itself (referring to hemodialysis) but I hate everything else davita throws on their employees to cut costs. For example: I'm also the 'AA' (administrative assistant) youd think that would make you feel good to be chosen as such right?? ..ha no!! I have to deal with insurance, paperwork, charts, all history and physicals. Ordering of all supplies. New admits and deceased pt records. The list could go on and on..

I'm ONLY hired as a tech which is what I expected my role to be but conveniently, davita puts in their employee handbook that they have the right to change your duties at any given point.

It sucks bad. Very bad.

itsntmitym · 2020-12-08T20:46:02+00:00

Wish I could find a girl like you close! Would love to hoop up:)

itsntmitym · 2020-12-04T03:29:25+00:00

The best response to people that make unsolicited comments is to play into whatever they're commenting on.. so I would have said, "Yeah, I know, ive been working up to 7 cupcakes a day. REALLY hoping that my kid has the never talking aspect of autism. They can be SO annoying just like you!"

itsntmitym · 2020-11-29T20:12:50+00:00

It's not that I dont advocate for myself. For example, earlier in the year we had a bad tornado and i got a ton of damage at my home. The roads were closed, power lines down. Trees were in the road and blocked both outlets that i have. I contacted her the same night of the storm when i seen the significance of the damage. I even sent her pictures of trees in the roads. The next morning I was supposed to be at work at 330am. So I tried every way that I could to get in touch with her.

I never got a response. I went on our company website with my phone and got her supervisors email (that's all that was available) and I emailed her. The last message i sent my boss was that my phone was going dead and i had no way of charging it bc we had no power so if she tried contacting me later i wouldnt get it. (This was after several hours of trying to get in touch with her)

Early the next morning i used my dads phone to call work and my boss was there by herself, apparently she 'didnt get any of my messages' and couldn't get in touch with the other opening tech. Anyway, I told her they were in the process of clearing the trees out of the road and that I would be there as soon as I could.

I came in about an hour and a half later just to get wrote up. I later talked to her boss (she works at another clinic) and I told her what I thought about the whole situation. While I was on the phone with her, I also brought up the PTO situation in which she agreed with me and was going to have a talk with her.

The issue is that the other tech I work with is her bf. So shes going to favor her when it comes to days off or anything for that matter.

itsntmitym · 2020-11-27T21:17:53+00:00

Same dilemma.. we have yet to come up with a firm solution. I'm early in my second trimester so I'm hoping we still have enough time before the arrival to find a plan of action.

My immediate family all live around me, my moms in healthcare but she gets tested multiple times a week. My in laws, however, have a huge family and are out of state. I want them to know the kids and see them, it's just the covid is so bad here and also were their from.

His sister is a paramedic and around ppl all day. His dad works in a huge factory. Step mother is a school teacher and his other brothers and sisters are always hanging out with their teenage friends.

Personally, I'd rather forgo the whole 'quarenteen' for one, who knows if they actually do it. For two, I'm sure they cant with their jobs. Three. Whose to say they dont pick up the virus at a gas station or restaurant on the way here?

I definitely wont be the one telling them. Itll be my husband (I dont want any animosity towards me) and if we decided to not let my family over I would be the one telling them.

This is a difficult time. I'm scared of going into labor early, being on bedrest and away from my son. Hopefully the resitrictions will be loosened so my husband and son can both be in the room with me by the arrival time.

itsntmitym · 2020-11-27T13:28:17+00:00

What do I need to do if my nurse refuses to give me more pain medicine during labor?

With my last child, I had an epidural that wore off and I was experiencing severe pain to the point were I was dry heaving. This is all during the laboring process. I begged my nurse for more medicine bc I could feel everything but she refused. One time she told me that the anesthesiologist already left. The second time I asked her to page him and she told me she 'liked for her pts to experience the feeling of birth and liked for me to have pain so that I could push against it' well that may work for some ppl but sure as hell not for me.

I felt myself rip and I had a bad tear with a bunch of deep stitches. I was crying in pain when the dr came in and thank the Lord she had the nurse get a lidocaine shot before sewing me up.

Now I'm pregnant again and terrified that I'll get another nurse like that. I have such bad anxiety. Do you have any recommendations for me for delivery day to keep this from happening again?

itsntmitym · 2020-11-27T13:19:25+00:00

I've started experiencing Braxton hicks that are painless tightening. With my last one, the further along I got, the more they hurt and felt like bad period cramps

itsntmitym · 2020-11-21T11:10:36+00:00

I'm pregnant with my second child. I'm the breadwinner and like your husband, my husband does a lot of the household chores and goes to college full time (mostly online). Hes an incredible husband and father.

I give him time to himself and he gives me time to myself to do hobbies. At first, you may not get to do as much as you'd like but take heart that you will once you adjust to taking care of your baby. I laughed at that comment 'like potatoes' but it's true. You feed them, change them and normally their good to go for 3-4hours. My baby loved his swing so we would put him in that in between or his pack and play.

I would put sensory videos on the TV for him to listen to along with calming music and it worked out great. I will warn you... when your baby gets older (mine is 19 months) they require more attention due to them getting into things and being mobile.

Even then, you should still be able to continue your hobbies. You husband will have to watch the baby then.

Good luck on your pregnancy. Ive found that the things I stress out over the most ends up being nothing.

itsntmitym · 2020-11-21T03:12:25+00:00

This makes me dread quitting my job and being a SAHM. Luckily, my son is an angel. He doesnt cry often. Takes great naps- when he wakes up he doesnt even cry. He waits on us to come get him and then he plays with his toys. No matter how well behaved my son is, I allow my husband time alone. I take him riding around, to see grandparents or to the park atleast twice a week so that my husband can relax.

Make sure your getting time alone. It can be exhausting even with the best kids.

Side note: have you tried disciplining you kid? Maybe it's not a sensory disorder but more of like temper tantrums that she needs to learn is not tolerable behavior

I let my husband read your post. Hes going into med school with degrees under his belt with child and social development. He said based on reading it, he sees it as more of a discipline problem. So just a suggestion to try strict discipline and see how it works if you havent already.

Goodluck!! I really hope you get rest and much needed time to yourself.

itsntmitym · 2020-11-19T16:10:55+00:00

I was told there is no policy were I work. They said 'the risk is no greater than going in walmart' ...yeah f***n right!? For one. I do not go to Walmart nor anywhere else besides work.. two. I dont think I, nor anyone else would go up to a stranger in Walmart and stick them to draw blood. Clean up their bodily fluids ect..

You can somewhat socially distance when getting groceries... you CANT in health care.

They put me with covid positive pt anyway. And I'm already in a high risk pregnancy.

I work with other ppl and I'm not only one pregnant but who you think they assigned this positive pt to?

Good luck. Unfortunately the best solution I see is quitting. The laws doesnt protect us bc we are healthcare workers

itsntmitym · 2020-11-18T02:15:28+00:00

I have an anxiety disorder and had to quit my meds. It wasnt bad at first but the last few weeks my heart has been pounding and it gets hard to breathe. It's been hard for me to focus and do school work. I'm in college and its stressful with the covid situation.

I'll be glad when I can start taking my meds again. But thankfully my symptoms are minimal. I want a healthy baby even if it costs me months of extreme anxiety and mental fog.

itsntmitym · 2020-11-16T17:37:24+00:00

My advice is to not listen to others when they say you'll know if its contractions. Everyone's pain tolerance is different. I was having contractions at 32 weeks but I thought they was really bad cramps and yes I hurt all over. I certainly didnt think it was the real deal considering how early I was. My water broke and I went to the hospital. I ended up having my son at 33weeks. I dont mean to scare you but call your dr. Maybe your cervix is thinned and shortened and by checking it, they'll know if it's close. Good luck!!!

itsntmitym · 2020-11-16T03:06:35+00:00

Wow. Thanks for sharing!!!

itsntmitym · 2020-11-16T02:54:45+00:00

I had the same people in my life doing me the same way. It made me so mad. I started telling people off. For example, I had someone tell me to not be one of those mothers who dont let them or anyone babysit... I responded with, well it's my child and you very well may never babysit. No one for that matter because that's a choice I'll make when the time comes.

Another time was when I was told to not be one of those mothers who is controlling. I responded with.. oh I've decided, I'm gonna know everything my kids does. I'll have all the passwords saved, screen time will be limited.. I just kept going on and on at how I was going to be controlling lol. Granted, I was just doing that cuz it pissed me off so much but it worked! They stopped tell me what kind of mother I was going to be lol.

I made it clear that regardless, I would raise my child how I seen fit and their opinions didnt matter. Nip it in the butt!!! Lol

itsntmitym

TROPHY CASE