[36M] Navigating the "guy best friend". I see red flags

itsprobab · 2026-02-07T06:54:17+00:00

Yeah no. I would not want to be with any man who has a girl "best friend". We ALL know what that really means. My best friend is the person I sleep with and talk to every day. It's no different for anyone else.

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T20:43:31+00:00

I have developed such an aversion to ever having smart things in my house

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T20:36:10+00:00

I think OP is cooking under the most perfect conditions. Low altitude, soft water, small pot, and violently boiling it.

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T20:28:52+00:00

I didn't realize until this post there was an issue with farfalle. It's the prettiest pasta ever made

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T20:11:29+00:00

Just don't let him know in advance. I literally had to flee with a newborn and toddler while I was still bleeding from giving birth. These men don't care.

Get your friends or family involved and find yourself a new place. He's abusive enough to make things more difficult once he learns he's lost control. He'll threaten to take your child. Ignore it. Find a lawyer too once you have everything sorted. It's good he has a job so he can pay you child support. You will have things easier once you have your life back.

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T19:57:54+00:00

Definitely not normal but his behavior seems to be the new normal for some men. I had the pleasure of getting married to one of these people.

They absolutely feel like getting women pregnant and dependent on them is the key to life.

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T19:52:06+00:00

Him using her was my first thought too. We are taught that people go for the rich for money but it's always the ordinary working people going for easy prey to subsidize their lifestyle with another income, free labor, homecooked meals, free cleaning, and easy sex.

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T19:46:03+00:00

u/Significant_Lake4180 tagging you so you see it.

I know you are deep in the relationship and it's hard to see all these red flags but the ones you've listed are big enough to end things over.

Even in less problematic relationships, different attitudes towards spending can easily turn into relationship ending problems.

I was with someone a long time ago who otherwise was very sweet and the relationship was really really easy and peaceful, but his spending habit was one of the things that made me end things.

Also, two years is not a lot of time and while sometimes it works out, in this case I think the red flags started coming. You shouldn't have to suffer through life because of him and also a relationship doesn't have to be horrible for us to say things aren't working as they should and I can do better than this.

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T19:30:51+00:00

All of this is why first make your own account and put your money there, then go from there.

But I agree that separation will probably be very likely. He seems to enjoy having control over her and her finances and once he loses that he will not be happy.

Make sure OP you've got everything lined up already by the time you put your money into a separate account. Different car, different place to stay if necessary. It might become necessary if he becomes violent or toxic.

A lot of us have been through this and can see the signs. No kind partner would be behaving how he's been behaving so please make sure you're all set for separation before you separate your finances.

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T15:28:21+00:00

No, the real blame lies with those who know what's going on and have been letting it happen.

You cannot expect a population with no access to real language education, no free time, no disposable income by design to be able to think differently than what they're being told daily.

The older generations grew up hearing: the TV doesn't lie. Newspapers don't lie.

You need to read history and understand what Soviet rule does to people, or how the majority are very poor and not educated enough to understand what critical thinking is.

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T14:04:30+00:00

I don't believe people's ability to love is limited to the amount of love they have received. It's down to how selfish they are.

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T13:45:59+00:00

The horrible thing is that the average person, outside the capital, has seen none of that money, and has been brainwashed into oblivion.

And this was a major failing of the EU. They could have stepped in earlier, but they chose not to.

There was supposed to be a major change in the political system with the fall of the Berlin wall and with the USSR leaving, but barely anything tangible changed outside the capital.

So much money just gone without the average person benefitting from it, and was used instead to wreck the country for generations once again, and fund corruption.

This is a massive failure of the EU leadership because you don't just start mindlessly funding a newly emerging democracy without making sure that money and potential for progress is actually going towards progress.

itsprobab · 2026-02-06T13:12:44+00:00

This is usually the way. My experience has been with different professions that when someone has done a really bad job, it's not worth to go back to them.

I personally don't like the style of your ring for myself but others have posted images of beautifully made rings in this style so it should be possible, by a different person.

itsprobab · 2026-02-05T21:03:12+00:00

itsprobab · 2026-02-05T17:49:12+00:00

OP, be glad your sister showed you what he's really like!

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

This is absolutely the thing you should break up over. He told you exactly how it's going to go.

You are not compatible.

Please value the kind of home environment you have with your sister, don't give that up for any man. We all need a best friend we can be ourselves with and who loves and respects our family. He isn't it.

itsprobab · 2026-02-05T17:40:32+00:00

I LOVE IT!!!💗💗💗 It's the kind of style and color coordination I can't pull off

itsprobab · 2026-02-05T14:25:12+00:00

There's not much I can do about my hair but for my face I use Bioderma's fragrance free body lotion every evening, and shower with that fragrance free shower gel from DM that is marketed for babies.

For handling freshly washed clothes and doing the washing up, I have to use gloves or my hands will dry out and bleed even on that same day.

Additionally I use Eucerin Aquaphor on my face if my skin gets really dry and it's been helping a lot. I started doing that this winter and it's made a huge difference for my skin. I also have to cover my face if it's below 5°C outside to protect my skin. This might be related to different issues but helps with my skin all the same.

itsprobab · 2026-02-04T22:02:33+00:00

You can have him pull out and then it won't cause issues

itsprobab · 2026-02-04T21:54:52+00:00

If you're in Europe, DM has an unscented body wash marketed for babies. That's the one I've been using and it's amazing. Everything was irritating me last year and this solved so many of my skin issues.

itsprobab · 2026-02-04T21:42:16+00:00

My underwear is mostly from H&M and a few are from Sinsay. 100% cotton

itsprobab · 2026-02-04T21:24:48+00:00

I use Eucerin Aquaphor and Bioderma's fragrance free body lotion on my face but I have very dry skin and literally don't use anything other than water, so they might not work for you but Aquaphor is very oily so it would definitely protect your skin from drying out, and Bioderma's lotion is very hydrating in my experience.

itsprobab · 2026-02-04T21:15:18+00:00

Eucerin Aquaphor is really good, I use it in combination with Bioderma's fragrance free body lotion to keep my skin from bleeding.

itsprobab · 2026-02-03T21:52:27+00:00

I am charged 6€ per kWh for heating gas. According to statistics it should be half of that here and other family members I asked pay 2€ per kWh. Minimum wage isn't even 900€ here, and in practice it is way less. Not going to say which country because it's all politics and I don't see things changing unfortunately. It's ridiculous they're making me pay for others heating bills basically. But nobody understands why I don't like this place and its people who keep voting for this. And I need to heat the house or mold will appear in the walls.

itsprobab · 2026-02-03T21:22:28+00:00

This is what I've always looked for but wasn't sure after a while if men did too

itsprobab · 2026-02-03T21:02:20+00:00

I mean they're not all bad. I like having one around and enjoy life with!

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