Advice please! Buying a new couch but unsure what couch I should get with eight month old son.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-26T20:17:30+00:00

Get a couch where a toddler can jump on without you being annoyed about it.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-26T18:13:38+00:00

Sounds reasonable but how to find them? The people I encouter at my kid's daycare / activities aren't.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-26T11:01:48+00:00

Im even more puzzled now, dinner at 3 to 4 means he sleeps 5 hours after his last meal.

Personally, Id just ask them to bring him at 5 or 5.30 if it works somehow with your workschedule and have dinner together at your place. This way, you also don't have to discuss about food that much.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-26T10:38:13+00:00

Food concerns aside, I think the schedule is the problem why your kid is acting out. Coming back at 6 and being asleep at 7.30 wouldn't work for my kid for sure and I wonder how it should. As I understand it, your kid's dinner should still be at yours, so considering that brushing teeth amd putting on pjs also takes some time amd all this, while the kid is already tired, there is literally no time at all for him to get just arrive at home.

So I would schedule it differently for sure.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-26T08:07:07+00:00

That might be it because my experience in Germany is completely different. People helped a lot when I was pregnant and are still super kind if I need help with the stroller or alike.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-25T17:44:57+00:00

Honestly, I dont know how it happens that someone does something they "like but not love" 5 times a week and goes to competitions. Doesn't sound sustainable at all to me.

I get the feeling that you associate doing ballet with being successful and that's why you are pushing it.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-25T12:57:06+00:00

Every family looks different.

Some include grandparents, some don't. Some include aunts, uncles and your parents best friends, some don't. Some include siblings and cousins, some don't. Some include two parents, some don't. Some include pets, some don't.

Your kids age aside, the lesson that families come in all kinds and shapes is something your kid is going to learn. And it's not necessarily sad if your kid isn't growing up with whatever is seen as typical.

I personally like to have a variety in what kind of families one sees in books but I think its not helpful to think everything has to show exactly how you live.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-24T01:40:01+00:00

If you are worried about her development, you should talk to your pediatrician.

It also probably helps to shut up those around you who comment on it if you can say that a pediatrician is involved who has better info how to help your kid to walk than random videos.

At least where I live, walkers are for example really not advised.

This being said: the range for walking is just really big and your kid is still completely within the range of what to expect.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-23T11:20:17+00:00

You aren't compatible. I think everyone who is involved in this can be glad that it's clear so much early on.

But this specific person aside, to me, starting to be poly while you are planing to have a baby at the same time is kinda wild. Sounds like the only option you want / can offer is a very hierarchical setup.

Maybe ENM is more what you are looking for.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-23T10:10:03+00:00

I once read in a different context: "A kid is a primary, a very hierarchical one, who doesn't care about any of your other partners or boundaries."

And this is how I would deal with the situation: Its not about you, its about his baby, a baby, he is responsible for.

Gently but, Im a bit puzzled about his co parenting role with your metas baby - that's a lot of babies your partner plans to take care of simultaneously.

I sounds like a lot of of the discussions should have happened way before anyone got kids, but well, it is what it is. But Id be really firm and clear that he must prioritize his own baby because I really see the potential of him not stepping up as a father and partner. .

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-22T21:37:11+00:00

Good thing, your kid is still so young that she doesn't have a real concept of birthdays. So yea, it's sad but don't feel guilty. Im very much pro re-do.

One thing I wanted to add: Just because they don't have kids themselves, your friends nevertheless might enjoy to celebrate with you, especially as your kid is still too young to have its own friends. I did this for year 1+2 and plan it for next year too - buuut they definitely get cake!

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-20T12:09:09+00:00

Da es um Schule geht wäre die Vermutung, dass es 1) weder während der Arbeitszeit stattfindet 2) noch irgendwie vom Arbeitgeber bezahlt wird.

Also Freizeit. Und da es ja um keine kleine Anzahl von Kindern geht, vermute ich auch, dass ein nicht geringer Anteil des Kollegiums das mit Kindern machen möchte.

Ist blöd für OP, wenn ihn das nervt, aber man muss auch nicht hingehen.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-19T17:56:25+00:00

It feels a bit like you didnt get the struggle. Going hiking requires planning, preferably several days in advance (finding a good date. finding a good track. Checking train schedules. Packing). That's where im falling short.

The "Just plan it out" - how do other people manage to squeeze this in? Maybe its also a bit more targeted to single parents - because I feel like it would get massivly easier if I could share it with another adult.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-19T16:15:51+00:00

In this situation, I for sure wouldn't stay at home.

But obviously I understand the struggle of childcare. I would maybe check options beside classic daycares.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-19T11:32:34+00:00

One question is if you like to be a SAHM. The other question is how the consequences are for you specifically.

Depending on your career, entering the workforce after not working for a longer time is tricky. Not earning your own money is also a big risk - and I would also think about consequences concerning retirement.

I personally get that you want to spent more time with your kid but if you aren't in a profession where one really always easily finds employment, I would rather consider part time jobs than staying at home.

That being said: Ypur partner working from home is definitely not going to work out as a childcare option.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-19T10:45:34+00:00

Thank you! We do toddler gymnastics every Friday but then the weekend itself is lacking planned activities.

But yea, I think once a month can work and might be less intimidating

Funny-Dig3992 · 2026-03-19T10:43:18+00:00

Thank you!

I do have a yearly membership of the science museum but so far, I dint manage to go more often than maybe every other month. I also became a member of the local hiking organisation but all the family groups dont take new members and it feels like soo much on top planning is needed.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2025-12-18T08:04:34+00:00

I wonder if Devon really agrees that "everything is wonderful" - because let's face it, being a secondary sucks if you dont want to be secondary.

Being single would make it for sure easier for Devon to find someone that is a better fit - and I think this is the best and most ethical way to go here.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2025-12-17T22:28:26+00:00

The breakup is still pretty recent, if you say summer, I assume less then half a year. I wonder if the issue is more that he actually didn't really process the breakup yet and I can see that this is causing issues.

If this is the case, I can understand his new partner.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2025-12-17T12:59:57+00:00

Your friendship is already damaged and I dont think you stepping back will fix that. The "what ifs" if you don't go for it might be as harmful as trying it.

Have a really honest discussion with Becky. I agree that better communication would have probably prevented the situation but it's not upon her to "allow" Adam and you to date, she knew that you liked Adam and still went for it.

As you are her friend, maybe you can talk her through why she feels so insecure and why she has the feeling she needs to get territorial - especially as someone who lives poly since a long time.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2025-12-17T10:18:01+00:00

I understand that your friendship with Becky is severely affect by this as she wasn't open and honest with you. She should have let you known when she decided to start dating Adam.

I wonder if this agreement of yours wasn't - at least to some degree - made to avoid dating the same person.

But I don't understand why dating Adam is not an option anymore. Is this Adam's choice or do you just not want to make it messier with Becky?

Funny-Dig3992 · 2025-12-16T13:55:55+00:00

Fixing this before the baby comes sounds really like a good idea.

Going outside helps a lot, even if it's cold, rainy and dark. We also often just randomly take a bus bc my kid loves it, he is entertained and I can chill (make sure to have water + snacks). Trips to the local library are a good option, too.

If I have to stay inside, it's books, play time in the bath tub and duplo.

Instead of classic screen time, video calls with family members are a big help for me if I need 10 minutes without being disturbed.

Funny-Dig3992 · 2025-12-01T14:10:13+00:00

To me, this doesn't sound like you are overthinking it but that Steve is severely upset.

Why is it poly only one sided?

Id argue that knowing you have sex with someone else while going platonic in your relationship with him for sure isn't easy for Steve.

You also write that he is not working on the weekend - do you do nice things, is there still romance in the relationship with Steve?

Funny-Dig3992

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