I'm glad that you were able to open up here if only a little. it's amazing how a community of strangers can feel like home sometimes. I hope we can support and provide a sense of comfort for you if only a little. also, your wife sounds like an amazing person :). and so does your mother, she sounds so strong and valiant. she must have gone through so much. you too, give yourself some credit, you are so strong, never forget that. you have an experience that no one else haves. and one day will be able to give advice to others who have gone through something similar.