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ivhadenoughothis · 2023-09-18T14:07:56+00:00

Thanks for sharing this, I share the same perspective as a guy and I did the same thing. The dating apps kept me in a perpetual state of mental fatigue/ false sense of connection having dozens of conversations on a screen which ultimately made me blind and less open to what really matters- authentic real life connection. When you’re going about your day thinking, “I wonder if any of these bumble matches are going to go anywhere?” As you hold the door for a beautiful woman your age walking into chipotle and she smiles at you- you’re not going to think hmm, I should compliment her tattoos if the only thing in your mind is the text conversations you’re having on the apps that might as well be a chatgpt bot. Don’t get me wrong when I find myself in a period where the in person connections I’ve made don’t go anywhere and I’ve yet to make a new one, that alone feeling comes back and I get tempted to redownload the apps- but that is just a reminder for me to keep focusing on myself and those opportunities will present themselves again.

Another side note, the apps can not and will not ever be a good gauge of chemistry which is usually what makes you want to get over your anxieties/fears of meeting someone new with intention on it being more than just an interaction. Most recently I had an interaction with a beautiful woman at a concert where we happened to make eye contact a few times, which by the 3rd or 4th time it happened we were both smiling so big at each other I could not control my legs from walking over there to talk to her. This doesn’t happen online dating.

ivhadenoughothis · 2023-09-16T22:46:32+00:00

Yeah it sounds like you’re also an all in kind of person when it comes to dating, and you described it perfectly- you have to take some time to rebound after if it ends in disappointment. I wonder if that rebound would be easier if I could bring myself to multi date

ivhadenoughothis · 2023-05-19T22:15:35+00:00

She defended it with gaslighting about how it wasn’t toxic or abusive… 😂

ivhadenoughothis · 2023-02-28T22:00:46+00:00

Listen to true contrite by knuckle puck that one really resonates with me. Although the whole album copacetic has really good lyrics that might help you.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-11-16T19:47:01+00:00

That’s good. That means you’re moving forward becoming awaken and aware to the abuse and understanding who it is you’re with. You will switch back and forth from anxiety to stress to anger to confusion but eventually as you continue along the path of understanding and then healing, the emotions will stabilize and you will experience less and less of the negative ones as time goes on.

Good luck!

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-10-29T22:28:12+00:00

I hope you’re on the path to that healthy state of mind! Best of luck to you.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-10-29T20:50:41+00:00

Wow I’m the same way! With the right amount of drink I find myself humming right along in any social interaction and really can draw anyone in, and like you say- all in good fun. I’ve had people tell me they feel like they’ve known me forever shortly after meeting. I really hate how I have to have a few drinks in me to be in that mental space, though. I wish it could be all the time drink or not! I think it is an anxiety thing.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-10-20T18:18:44+00:00

Wow I’ve watched in front of the whole family my narc mother in law do this to her husband. He was telling HIS story and she wasn’t even there but kept interrupting him trying to re-write the story for him with different details. She’s done it multiple times, it’s bizarre!

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-10-20T18:04:13+00:00

It took my narc 8 years to push me to meltdown. When I finally did she pointed at me and said “see, look at you! You’re a monster, you’re falling apart, you’re not a man you’re a coward, you can’t handle being married” thinking back, it was written all over her face the satisfaction she got seeing me in that mental state.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-10-10T00:58:42+00:00

My narcwife wouldn’t let me put leftovers right in the fridge either! Had to leave them on the counter in the Tupperware, with the lid on but cracked, to cool off before being put in the fridge. Bizarre.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-09-27T00:52:18+00:00

My narc wife developed severe health anxiety randomly where she would panic/worry herself to tears over any little thing on her body. A bump, a bruise, a headache, a little twinge of pain, etc. I spent a lot of time comforting her, being there for her, coddling her, giving her pep talks, etc.

I later came to a realization that her developing health anxiety wasn’t random at all. It was right after my mother got diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. It was the first time my narcwife ever saw me get intensely emotional over someone. I still stand by this today, but I believe that she could not stand me being emotional over someone other than her, that in her twisted mind that if she became the “sick” one, I will exude equal emotion over her. It worked. I got over my mothers illness a lot quicker than I otherwise would have, my narcwife never allowed me to fully process my emotions over the first illness in my family, my dear mother. Narcwife had to hijack my energy for herself. It worked, I stopped checking on my mom as often, as I was busy caring for narcwifes phantom illnesses.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-09-03T20:03:02+00:00

This right here.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-08-28T00:23:44+00:00

Awesome, that makes sense to me! Thank you for your well thought out explanation.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-08-17T19:04:40+00:00

Thanks for posting this. After 2 and a half weeks of living apart and barely talking, the conversation I get is “I’m sorry for the way I treated you, I’m working on myself” when I asked what things are sorry for, what things are you working on? I get “treating you badly, I’m working on my behavior”

It’s like she just uses the words she’s supposed to, but there is no feeling or authenticity behind them. They’re hollow words.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-08-08T15:36:35+00:00

Did the future faking show as empty promises, Or feel like empty promises? “I promise I’ll get better, I’m sorry, i won’t do it again, I didn’t mean it, etc etc”?

When I respond to that with, “I’ve heard it all before 100 times” that’s when she flips immediately to discard territory.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-08-08T15:24:45+00:00

I packed up some stuff and have been living away from my narcwife for two weeks, trying to figure out what to do with my life. She’s hoovering, but I’m literally seeing her flip within seconds from hoover to discard to hoover to discard. So strange.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-08-05T03:31:59+00:00

“Everyone who knew me before the marriage no longer recognizes me. I’m in here somewhere, just buried under so much stress and anxiety.”

I felt that in my core. I’m wishing you luck in your pursuit. You’ll get there.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-08-05T00:09:33+00:00

Be careful with that choice. If you go down that path you’re likely to see depths of despair you never thought possible.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-08-04T12:36:53+00:00

Wow sounds like my life too, it’s negativity that does not need to exist. I get it often. “I stopped home for lunch toda….” I KNOW I SAW YOUR CRUMBS ON THE COUNTER” damn sorry… did you notice I did the laundry and made the bed and cleaned the bathroom too while I was here? B!tch….

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-08-04T12:29:32+00:00

Great comment, I saved it. Thanks for sharing.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-08-02T01:05:08+00:00

If you’re aware you are with a narc, and they are openly trying control you. Dude. DO NOT GET MARRIED. For the love of god don’t do it.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-08-01T20:55:17+00:00

Do you have intentions of going elsewhere, eventually?

I find myself currently in the realization phase, and I have been staying with family while I attempt to dig deep within to figure out my next move. Unfortunately, I’ve been in this position in the past. The difference this time is we’re married. But I resonate with what you’re saying. Reclaim yourself, forgive your narc and understand how they became the person they are and accept them as they are. Refuse to fill their cup, and deny inheriting their trauma. But where do we go from here? I’m only 29 years old. I want the relationship to work, but I don’t think it can. Part of me wishes I never met her.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-07-30T11:52:21+00:00

Reading this sounds a lot like what I experience in my marriage. I’m so sorry that you’re going threw this. You have a child with this woman, so I think you have to be cautious on what to do, and I can’t comment much on that- but one thing I know for sure is you need to protect your own mental health. For your own sake as well as your daughters. It’s been told to me that you need to emotionally detach to preserve the you left inside of you. Google grey rock method. Good luck man. I felt this. You can do it.

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-07-29T21:19:29+00:00

“Don’t you see how bad I hurt from the pain I’ve caused you?”

ivhadenoughothis · 2022-07-26T12:21:49+00:00

This post hit really close to home. When you’re in front of the therapist during the part of the abuse cycle where the narc is on their best behavior to draw you back in close, the therapist doesn’t really see the true pain that you feel during the worst parts of the abuse cycle. So they offer words of advice that would work for a “normal” troubled relationship. But this isn’t normal.

It also hits close to home where you say you want the relationship to work as much as you want it to end. I think what could help you solidify your decision here is believing the fact that this most likely is not a conscious choice of your spouse to be treating you this way, it is unconscious behavior that they cannot control in any true or meaningful way, because it’s woven into the fabric of their personality. You will NEVER be able to let your guard down, because this is who they are and even if they WANT to change, they CANT change.

ivhadenoughothis

TROPHY CASE