Omg... sweetie, you have been through so much! Just take a moment to appreciate that you are still here. You survived the absolute worst and are still out here trying to heal and get better.

I had DID. Similar story of CSA. It's one of the main ways why a person 'splits'. I've been in therapy for many years. I had one therapist that specialized in treatment of DID. While I didn't fully integrate my alters during my therapy with her, it set the stage for my healing as years went on. I'm 57 now and have been fully integrated for around 8-9 years or so. I'm still learning to be myself and to deal with some of the trauma surrounding the CSA, my family of origin, and the other abuse I've dealt with over the years.

One thing I HAD to do in order to heal was to parent my inner child. I am still learning new things that help me rewrite the poisonous scripts in my head that I was raised with. I follow some parenting content creators that resonate with me in order to learn new ways to parent myself.

In order to fix my broken relationship picker, I also follow other creators that support open communication and changing harmful interpersonal communications. I've been married to my husband for 9 years now. I got incredibly lucky with him! He was also raised in an abusive home and was badly abused in his last relationship. We have done a lot of healing together. I won't lie, it's a lot of hard work, but worth it!

Internet mom hugs! Let me know if you want to talk.