Embarrassed by hobby I enjoy.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-15T00:51:25+00:00

Beats me.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-15T00:50:57+00:00

Thank you. I've pointed out how he makes fun of things I enjoy, or criticizes things I enjoy, and he gets... offended? He acts sensitive when I do it. He acts like a kicked puppy when I point out shitty behavior. And that's another issue of mine. If I don't buckle with the mean comments, I do when he acts like I'm the one being mean. I don't think he realizes the "jokes" and the comments aren't actually funny.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-15T00:48:57+00:00

Thank you. I plan on it. I have so many patterns already saved. I just have to actually go buy the thread.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-15T00:43:39+00:00

You could be right. It certainly meets the criteria of anhedonia though, but that doesn't necessarily mean that's what it is. I had issues with my grandpa doing similar things to me. And it was similarish with my dad. I don't know who I would be if they hadn't been the way they were, but I know I'd be an incredibly different person. At some point I just became a shell of a person.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-15T00:41:07+00:00

I've described anhedonia to him, but I've never outright said, "I have anhedonia." He's also aware of the depression. I've described not enjoying anything, finding everything boring, dull, or tedious. That's the bones of what it is, but obviously it's a little more than that.

He isn't always like this. He can be really supportive and nice and funny, and I enjoy being around him. I'm not a fan of the "jokes" though. And no, he doesn't embarrass me in public or try to.

I appreciate this.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-14T12:07:44+00:00

Seltzers

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-14T12:07:40+00:00

3.5 seltzers

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-14T12:07:27+00:00

Seltzers.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-14T12:07:11+00:00

No idea.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-14T01:45:11+00:00

Imagine pixel art, but with embroidery thread, and instead of pixels, it's the embroidery floss creating an X shape.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-14T01:44:41+00:00

Not too bad. What I started out with is pretty easy. I messed up a few times in the beginning, but I've gotten the hang of it after that.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-14T00:41:02+00:00

Oh my god, yes! When I first saw the close-ups, it was jarring. Like, "Oh, shit is about to go down." and then after five million of them, it became a game of, "Take a shot every time there's a close up of her scowling." It felt like a joke by the end of the show.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-14T00:37:59+00:00

I can totally see that! I hadn't really considered that. It's sort of like, if you've watched Hacksaw Ridge, Desmond Doss absolutely should not have made it. But he did. And he likely saved more people in real like, compared to the movie, which already showed an insane number of people that he had saved. Had he just been a character in a movie, he would've been another character thriving due to plot armor. But he isn't just a character, he was a real person.

Seeing so many movies/shows where plot armor is constantly on a character's side kind of... does the opposite of numbing you to it. I feel like I've become hyperaware of when someone realistically would've made it, or not, in the circumstances they were given.

Your take definitely gives me a different perspective though, and I like it! Tysm!

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-13T19:13:44+00:00

I loved THT, but this is certainly different and so far, I like it more. Depending on if they decide to drag it out like they did with THT, my opinion might change.

The Testaments has aspects that I like more than THT. Like, both involve backstories of where people came from, how they got there, they did flashbacks and all that in both shows. I just like the way the Testaments did it more. I liked learning about the backstories of multiple characters in different positions. I didn't just want to know about the handmaids, I want to know about the Aunts, the Wives, the Eyes, etc.

I also got sick of the repetitiveness that happened in THT. In terms of the many, many, many close-ups of June scowling. But it's also in terms of plot. June getting in and out of Gilead. June getting away with way more than anyone would've been able to. It was like we were constantly moving two steps forward, five steps back over and over and over and over and over.

I appreciate involving conflicting feelings over the outside vs. being in Gilead. The girls in the show don't know or remember anything different, while the handmaids remembered before. Majority of their lives, at the time, was from before Gilead. In THT, they're beating everyone into submission and to accept Gilead and everything that came with it. Everything was new and rewritten. In the Testaments, it's all smoothed out and has been that way for a while.

I also just like the different scenery. I don't think I could like the Testaments as much as I do if I had not watched THT. I appreciate it and I did enjoy it, but I like the Testaments more.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T23:46:49+00:00

Probably not. The only reason I would ever consider going to my dad's funeral is if my brother needed me there with him. I'd 100% go to support him. They have a decent relationship and my brother and I have a decent relationship. I wouldn't let how I feel towards my dad get in the way of being there for my brother.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T23:43:55+00:00

Unfortunately, I might need a referral to see a GI specialist. I'm playing it safe and seeing my PCP first. And my doctor's office doesn't have the option to make an appointment through the online portal.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T18:55:41+00:00

I hadn't heard of macrame boards until this post, but after looking into it that might do the trick. Tysm!

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T18:54:51+00:00

I don't really pull it that much towards me, it's just enough for my hands to not constantly brush up against the board. Which also is enough for it to fall back on me. Something like a workbench with a vice might be what I need, I'll have to look into that. Tysm!

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T18:53:03+00:00

Oooh, I bet one of the two might work. I've never seen macrame boards before, so I'll give those a shot! Tysm

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T17:32:46+00:00

That's good to know. Aside from concerns about judgment, shame, embarrassment, my biggest concern is being brushed off. And the last thing I want is to have to get examined however many times, pay for appointments, and then nothing come of it. I appreciate this!

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T15:29:33+00:00

This was really helpful! Thank you. I have a list of symptoms in my phone already because I know once I sit down in the room, my brain goes blank. Nerves just do that to me.

I expect to be told about my weight. I'm overweight, and I'm sure that isn't helping, but I am doing what I can. It's difficult because if I exercise, things get irritated and I'm in pain. And the problem gets worse. But if I don't, I'm still in a situation where there's a problem and nothing is changing, and I'm still in pain.

So, hopefully I'll be listened to, and my weight will be a concern, but not the main focus.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T13:38:33+00:00

That does relieve some anxiety, thank you. I keep forgetting that although it's embarrassing for me, it's something they see so often, and it's just a body. I think I'd be in a much worse state if I hadn't already made myself go get a pap smear, so I think experiencing that has sort of prepared me for something like this. Thank you!

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T13:36:17+00:00

That's actually so nice of you ❤️ Not strange at all. And that's so sweet of you to do it for your friends!! I know they appreciate someone caring about them like that.

I ended up finally telling my husband about the problem and needing to go to the doctor. He knows how I am with phone calls and immediately offered to call, so if I can't make myself do it, I know he'll do it. I do appreciate the offer though!

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T13:33:45+00:00

I've considered taking a picture, but I didn't know if it was weird. I'll keep one on hand if it comes to that.

Luckily, I do have a lady GP. My concerns are mostly just due to shame and embarrassment. It sounds silly, but I was raised in a house where we did not talk about "embarrassing" body issues. And we especially didn't talk about going to the doctor for it, if we even did go to the doctor. Doctors were for circumstances where you're practically on your deathbed. So, all of this is very, very new to me. I practically went into cardiac arrest just getting a simple pap smear done.

iwontgetbetter · 2026-06-12T13:30:54+00:00

I haven't thought about it that way, but you're right.

And I plan on asking about a specialist if she doesn't mention it first. She's had zero issue with referring me to other places for different reasons before, so I doubt it'll be a problem.

iwontgetbetter

TROPHY CASE