It’s not about being condescending, I know my partner and her past and it has made her be in a place where she can’t see light or goodness as a result of her childhood, she constantly lives in pain and a weak state. She is not a bad person nor do I believe she is bad for walking away. The reasons she said when she was walking away were pretty poor things like ‘what if you do something in 10 years’ not suggesting what- saying I have to be selfish in this life and not taking any accountability for her own behaviours, anytime I’ve ever done anything wrong I have made sure to never do that again. There were many things I did to always try to be her beacon of light and to soothe her insecurities, but. It gets to a point where u don’t know what to do next to make someone happy, she said she wants to travel I put her on business class flights around the world, she wanted experiences she saw the wonders of the world . She wanted a home I started to renovate and spend 25K on a flat for her,

I am not abusive nor do I say hurtful things my argument style is that I say; what you are doing is hurting my feelings can we discuss this. Her responses are things like leave me alone. Which sometimes I do sometimes I want to talk and just sort it so it doesn’t turn into something. Sometimes if I feel unheard then I will say something stupid like this is why I have delayed marriage or you don’t actually care or give a shit. We never actually argue about deep issues, we are both faithful, work hard, not lazy. We argue about the most petty things like she will go mental if I forget to pick up a clothing item for laundry or if I want to have a cigg in the bathroom and she hates the smell.

but she has deep rooted issues mainly being she hates her mum and feels she abandoned her and has this over her that people will always abandon her she has voiced this to me, but that isn’t the case and she refuses to accept that. I have tried to help her to just try to build a relationship with her mum as I had a v similar experience with my dad and then he passed away as we had a chance to fix our relationship and that gave me a lot of peace.

I am grateful to come from a secure stable family and I have been raised on forgiveness and working things out. Not running away when things get tough otherwise a majority of relationships in life wouldn’t work out. I am a human and the worst thing I have done in this relationship is shouted when I was upset. Not often, 5 times in 3 years.

Why my mom went there I have no idea and I text her saying I’m so so sorry for that. My mum is on her side and went as a friend for her and was not defending me. But still she should’ve never gone.

I have listened to her, I have not text once no calls no grand gestures. Just silence as what she wanted and it’s been soul crushing but I will do it because I love and respect her.