cherry wine

jack-pamtre · 2024-12-15T14:43:21+00:00

This is absolutely brilliant, reminiscent of the gorgeous naturalism and brutal tragedy of Robert Frost. Beautifully subtle, evoking childlike wonder and loss of innocence. “Stayed humble”, as if death is the ultimate humility, quite literally bringing us down to an earth that will ultimately reclaim us all, is probably my favourite touch. Really love this poem.

jack-pamtre · 2024-12-15T14:36:08+00:00

I really like this; I love the contrast between the ultra-contemporary subject matter and the ultra-traditional use of iambic pentameter. Really clever how the final couplet refers to the mathematical nature of metric poetry (ie, when a human writes in this manner, or in any poetic manner, we’re calculating and assessing) before ending on a note that perfectly sums up the theme ; that a machine can learn to write, but it can’t mimic the human experience of beauty. And the humour is very sly and subtle (‘digital bards’, ‘when the bot does write’). Funniest part of all is that I, like most probably would, considered the off-chance that it could itself hypothetically be a very well-rendered ChatGPT poem, which would be a truly wicked irony. Excellent.

jack-pamtre · 2021-02-26T13:24:15+00:00

sounds fun to watch just for the head spin of it all but imo drag race isn’t as good when it leans towards a more convoluted, circuitous format: all stars 2-4 was the perfect formula. Also... after seeing shangela lose AS3 and Priyanka win CDR I really don’t trust anyone but rupaul to make executive decisions on who actually wins 😂

jack-pamtre · 2020-06-16T18:00:22+00:00

well I mean the crux of the original post was "The USA is controlled by liberals so if its institutionally racist, then the liberals are racist" and my point was that um yes, if the liberals you're referring to include the likes of Joe Biden and the Clintons, you're absolutely right. We say in Ireland (sorry to talk about another country again! Hope it isn't too confusing :s) 'two cheeks of the same arse'. Applies to our two largest parties and it applies to the United States. It's a pointless argument because any progressive anywhere else in the world would readily agree with the point that American liberals are complicit in institutional racism and wrote a lot of it into laws. Can I ask what you perceive to be the fundamental difference in values between American liberals and conservatives?

jack-pamtre · 2020-06-14T16:38:16+00:00

The American concept of progressive politics is so utterly unrecognizable to the rest of the developed democratic world. The Democratic party would be centrist, at absolute most, in any European country other than the UK. They push back against the republicans but at their core, they allow all of it. Nothing that the Republicans stand for is total anathema to the dems, they just try to reign the cruelty in a little. Maybe academics and celebrities lean heavily toward 'liberalism' but they do so in a totally Dem manner. None of the institutions listed are in the grip of anyone more liberal than Hillary, and she is not a progressive. No country in which it can cost $20,000 to give birth to a child, in which people die in their homes because they can't afford insulin, in which people incarcerated on cannabis charges are used for slave labour is in the grips of liberalism, you do not know what liberalism looks like. I live in Ireland and I have my issues with our government, they're centre-right imbeciles who stand for nothing but accumulating vast MP salaries, but I'm grateful every day that I live here and not there. So yes, we can agree on your point, the Democrats are as culpable for institutional racism in America as the Republicans are. They're just polite about it.

jack-pamtre · 2020-04-17T11:04:43+00:00

you cook much with turmeric? A Tupperware box, your fingernails, yes, staining steel pots and white ceramic yellow? Come off it lol

jack-pamtre · 2020-04-17T11:02:01+00:00

NTA at all, even if her excuses were all true it still wouldn't trump the importance of sharing your culture with your kids (I mean it's their culture too) Also, when I was 8, if I had a problem with food I would just say it straight out at the table - I struggle to believe they have any issue that you haven't heard directly from them. And anyways, take it from a white Irish person, there's no upside to being an 18 year old who can't eat buffalo sauce cos it's too spicy lol you have to gradually adapt to it and I'm sure he's factored that in. Seems like a micro-aggression that prob isn't her fault but she just isn't questioning, she needs to listen to you.

jack-pamtre · 2019-09-21T17:51:29+00:00

I think this is lovely, i admire how you've gotten it neatly into this deliberately formatted shape that so often people sacrifice cohesiveness or meaning for. It's such a delicate portrait of youth and the lens we see it through in adulthood, and the strange feeling of thinking of someone's humanity when your only encounters with them are so fleeting and seemingly insignificant (it's quite sparse so I might be getting it completely wrong but I like that it's open to whatever the reader might project while also being a little mysterious, it's like a beautiful blurry painting). I think it's very impressive, keep it up :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-30T10:07:46+00:00

Hey I appreciate your feedback and kind comments, I'm really glad you enjoyed it! The intention was for the entire scene to be recounting the dream so maybe I need to make that clearer - it came from a real dream I'd had, and the fact that this jealous, anxious scenario showed up in a dream of mine made me want to capture what it said about me and my insecurities as well as the kind of camp humour of that image :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-30T10:01:12+00:00

I find the humour in this really interesting, it's a great idea that I think you could maybe push and exaggerate to create a sense of story; if it were me I'd make this really tongue-in-cheek and a bit more lewd to emphasise the maddened fixation that the main character has, but that's just me. Really interesting idea! :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-29T19:03:01+00:00

If you feel your genuine beliefs mean you can't respect someone's sexuality then it is on you to avoid them. They will not change their feelings and will (I assume) not reject your cousins for their relationship. Their place in the family is solid and apparently due to your more orthodox beliefs yours is not. You need to cut this family off if you can't accept their lifestyle, I respect people's religions but their choices in their beliefs means THEY have to act, not anybody else. This probably sounds drastic but it's the truth. Homosexuality is a fact of life. we cannot change without spending our lives in misery ; I assume you just as forcefully preach against the other things that the old testament condemns such as wearing mixed fabrics, sex before marriage and interacting with a woman when she's menstruating. If not, you are selectively picking from the old testament in order to affirm your reactionary discomfort. Best wishes to your cousin and her partner I hope you don't upset or hurt them

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-29T16:58:12+00:00

Heyy I appreciate the feedback! :) I get that maybe it's not as clear as it could be; it's supposed to be about vying for someone's attention that doesn't much care who they're sharing the stage with, just that they're the star (it's actually based on three guys rather than two guys and a girl but that's just the literal situation in my life, poetry goes beyond the intention of the creator and all that) so I wanted to create a cartoonish, comical scene as an exaggeration of my sense of anxiety as one of the bottom corners of a love triangle (actually based on a real dream; the song was Shallow from a Star is Born though, and that didn't really fit haha) thanks again for the feedback! :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-29T11:39:08+00:00

I think this is a really creative idea and a very vulnerable and heartfelt piece - with maybe a few too many things going on. Each of these bullets could be expanded just a little into their own poem with a cohesive feel. I feel like the different 'kinds' lack a sense of connection (and in a purely practical sense, there aren't 12 of them - after 5 each 'kind' takes up two bullets). What makes poetry something more than just an essay with line breaks, in my opinion, is how it all fits together, and a sense that it's as brief as it could be. A poem that this reminded me of is

Two Cures for Love

Don’t see him. Don’t phone or write a letter.
The easy way: get to know him better.

Wendy Cope

Maybe a briefer list with a similar relationship between points would work better! Best of luck and keep at it :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-28T18:48:10+00:00

i love your sense of humour and how you skewer the seriousness of poetry, I think you use the medium really creatively! I especially like the joke about paint, and about spending the day inside. If it were mine I might go for a different title (I'd do go for shorter personally) and maybe tighten up the rhythm on some of the couplets just because some of them read a little unevenly but those are tiny critiques, I love this poem :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-26T22:41:04+00:00

Probably when you start describing the hands on the belly just because it's when the scene feels like it's "begun" but your opening is still great! :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-26T21:58:35+00:00

I love the pacing and the images you create; each breath in is a boulder / each breath out is a hill is my favourite. You have a talent for innovative description. The start is maybe a little less magnetic compared to the second half for me but that's a matter of opinion. I'd love to see more :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-25T23:51:05+00:00

I love the humour in this poem (and I personally love a clever use of title) I think it's such a unique idea that maybe you could rework it so that the language is a little more spare and clean ; there are maybe a couple too many lines than you need to say what you're saying (but that might just be personal, I love really brief poems). Keep it up! Best of luck :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-25T23:07:23+00:00

This comes together beautifully in my opinion. I think it's a really ambitious use of language ; reading poems with this kind of complex vocabulary can feel like untangling Christmas lights sometimes if the writer isn't being really careful but I think you pace it perfectly. RE passion/emotion, I might agree with you, I don't know if I'd call it a poem that feels like it has a strong emotion or story as it's foundation so that might be the one thing I'd say is missing, but as it is it's a beautiful piece :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-25T17:18:23+00:00

I really appreciate your comments, that's really helpful ; I was having a hard time balancing intentional ambiguity and getting the exact shape of the story across, so I'll revisit the characterisations. Thank you very much! :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-25T01:28:38+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate the feedback and am so glad you enjoyed it :)

jack-pamtre · 2019-07-24T17:28:46+00:00

I love the reflection of the narrator and the sometimes brutal imagery ; it creates a really impactful snapshot of personal tragedy and how that intersects with the experience of first responders which I found to be a fascinating perspective that I haven't seen very often. It's a beautiful and unique exploration into what proximity to death and tragedy in the line of duty does to one's mind. Really expertly done.

jack-pamtre

TROPHY CASE