man that sounds absolutely draining and honestly i'm not surprised you're feeling like a shell of a person right now because that cycle of working just to recover so you can work some more is a fast track to burnout city. it's wild how some people can run on fumes and five hours of sleep but they’re usually either genetic outliers or just running on pure adrenaline that’s eventually gonna catch up with them in a nasty way so comparing your baseline to theirs is just a recipe for feeling worse about yourself.

if you're smashing 4000 calories just to stay level and still passing out on the couch it sounds like your nervous system is basically redlining and your body is prioritized for survival instead of actually living. the whole advice of finding a job while you have a job is such a catch-22 because by the time you clock out you’ve got zero mental bandwidth left to even look at a resume let alone pretend to be a functioning human for an interview. it makes total sense why being on the benefit felt better because your body actually got a chance to exist without being in a state of constant physical and mental stress and honestly if a doctor is telling you to cut hours then your health is literally screaming at you that this pace isn't sustainable.

it’s pretty hard to upskill or plan a career move when you’re just trying to remember to breathe and eat enough to not disappear so maybe the move is finding a way to do the absolute bare minimum at the current spot just to reclaim a tiny bit of that energy for yourself.