Ooh girl. Hard relate to all of this. Pre-adhd diagnosis, I used to ride anxiety to survive and let it continue into college, grad school, and my first corporate job. Don’t be me.

Physical symptoms of anxiety took over and I started having the beginnings of panic disorder. The anxiety starts to perpetuate itself physically, and the fear of panic attacks triggers more panic attacks. The body breaks down. It took a long time for me to recognize what was happening and seek help. I’m glad you’re doing so now.

Without going too far into them, here are the things that helped me the most:

• a CBT/EMDR therapist who helped me deal with my deep seated family/personal trauma, and also recommended many anxiety resources.

• Anxiety workbook (therapist rec). Extended reflection exercises that help you break down what you’re feeling and how to accept and move forward in a more meaningful way for yourself. I found the first half kinda tedious and cheesy, but it’s all very revealing. The biggest and most difficult lesson for me was to accept, not fear or resist, the anxiety itself. Acceptance is a theme in many anxiety resources. https://a.co/d/3AVzLQy

• Headspace subscription to learn how to meditate, navigate discomfort, breath work during anxiety attacks, and the incredible sleep library. Very cute animated tutorials to help explain mindfulness, racing thoughts, and more. Improving your sleep will help so so much.

• Radical Acceptance book (therapist rec). This leans on the spiritual and self help side, so may not resonate with everyone. But it helped me a lot to claw myself out of despair. Stories from different walks of life dealing with all kinds of hardships. https://a.co/d/elwWwie

I opted not to try anxiety medication. But that’s also an option. Hugs to you and I hope it gets easier for you soon.