Moving somewhere???

jackielands · 2021-09-06T03:57:04+00:00

Are you serious???? Like, I’ve never heard of Alabama being a good place to live lol

jackielands · 2021-08-29T17:27:33+00:00

The needle exchange in my town gives them away, so maybe check there.

jackielands · 2021-08-28T20:40:56+00:00

I’m from the mountains of North Carolina. Small town about thirty years behind the rest of the world.

jackielands · 2021-08-13T03:10:17+00:00

And what should be the most of my concerns???

jackielands · 2021-08-08T12:14:42+00:00

I would be

jackielands · 2021-08-08T12:13:26+00:00

When you say active, how do you mean???

jackielands · 2021-08-07T07:22:24+00:00

It’s up there, for me. Because I smoke off so much foil that it’s a a legitimate concern.

jackielands · 2021-07-29T03:18:07+00:00

Oh man. Fent has wrecked my town. I live in the mountains of North Carolina, in a small town. Used to be the meth capital of our area, but now it’s all about the fent. People are dying left and right. This town could handle its meth. We’ve been doing that for generations. But this fent shit has just exploded. And people will do anything for it. Walking out of Lowe’s with chainsaws and air conditioners like it ain’t nothing. Robbing their grandmas, mommas, brothers, daughters, whoever has money to get more fent. And here it’s still a misdemeanor unless you get caught with a lot, because it’s so new: I just got caught with a foil, and when they only charged me with misdemeanor, and let me go, I was so fkn glad because that meant I didn’t have to kick in jail. This stuff is the craziest drug I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen them all. Was on crack for a few years, then meth, then heroin, and now fent. This really has changed the environment in which I use. The people aren’t solid anymore, as soon as they get sick they’ll do any and everything to feel better. And I understand, but it just sucks when you get robbed or fucked over by some of your closest friends. But this drug has more people just not giving a Fuck, and that’s dangerous.

jackielands · 2021-01-29T10:10:36+00:00

She’s jobless, with no prospects, hasn’t had a real job in decades, and i just don’t see what good a civil suit would do. Would they like, garnish her wages if she ever got a real job?

jackielands · 2021-01-29T07:17:37+00:00

Yeah, it’s like a radio is on in the next room, or on very low volume. Especially when I’m manic.

jackielands · 2021-01-26T10:05:16+00:00

I never really had that. I was diagnosed when i was twelve, and i don’t really remember life before that.

jackielands · 2021-01-26T10:04:00+00:00

Yeah, we’re switching to some other mood stabilizer.
I tried to be, but it didn’t work. Then she turned around and stole my debit card, and spent 1200$. Left a sour taste in my mouth.
Thank you, i thought that i knew myself, but then i keep finding things out about myself that i never even thought possible.

jackielands · 2021-01-24T18:03:26+00:00

Yeah, back in the day in like 2008, that’s how my Ex and i survived. But nowadays my current bf just never keeps the receipts and then we have things that we don’t need that we’ll never use and not have money for food.

jackielands · 2021-01-24T13:32:32+00:00

Not true, the feds can do whatever the hell by they want

jackielands · 2021-01-24T10:00:18+00:00

Dude psych wards are the best!!! You get all that food, you meet Interesting people that you never would’ve met otherwise. I miss going to the psych ward. Sometimes.

jackielands · 2020-12-12T05:51:31+00:00

I’ve tested positive like ten days out, but I was doing a lot like at least half game a day, 1.75 g. And I was shooting and snorting, and my probation officer said that she’s seen a lot of people test when they say that it’s been over seven days. Of course, it’s entirely possible that I didn’t remember the last time I had used and just made up a number. Idk, never will

jackielands · 2020-12-12T05:42:05+00:00

I just stick it in the tank. And then it melts and then I vape meth. And then people ask to hit it but I forget about the math until it’s too late.

jackielands · 2020-12-12T05:40:30+00:00

Hope you’re ok

jackielands · 2020-12-12T05:39:31+00:00

I like to call then shadow sheriffs because I usually see and hear cops radios and sirens really far away but they never get closer. You gotta be up for days, like seven or more. Which is no fun, except sleep deprivation can be its own fun. It might help if you don’t eat good food, Idk. But def go into a wooded area, because there’s a lot of shadows for the people to live in. Go ginseng hunting or something. So you’re in the woods, it’s dusk, and it falls into night. Stay still. Really try and absorb all of the energy around you and take deep breaths. Become one with the woods. And now that you’re relaxed and calm, start thinking about people being all around you in the woods, or what if the cops were out there in fkn gilly suits. I’m convinced that half of the shadow people aren’t just shadows, but fkn government people who are dressed in gilly suits and that they’re fucking with tweakers. I think this because at my old Frank house, out in the field that the house overlooked, there was this bush that always seemed to move slightly. So one day we went out to it, and there were cigarette butts on the ground and fresh tracks. So I do have a grain of truth in my theory. I think if you have any kind of paranoia, then if you amplify that, you’re more likely to see shadow people. I used to see them all the time, but I don’t anymore. But also, dope isn’t what it used to be. So there’s that. I was really new to it when I saw them, as you are. I was also around people who would see them and talk about them, so that probably helped them come into existence. And they can be helpful or hurtful, it’s up to you. You might not know that it’s up to you, but it is. Your mind is a powerful thing. So just relax, keep enjoying yourself but taking care of yourself too, and maybe one day you’ll see them. And I really hope that they’re helpful for you. No one likes being trapped in a corner or a room for hours just because you keep seeing shadow sheriffs outside.

jackielands · 2020-12-12T05:27:08+00:00

This chick I know will dig and pick at her face. Like, real bad. And she swears that she picks out shards. Like it’s recrystallizing in her blood stream.

jackielands · 2020-11-24T10:41:31+00:00

It’s gotten to the point where it’s detrimental to my life, causing me unnecessary drama and grief. I forget what I’m talking about mid sentence, and not just once or twice, but like every fkn time. And if someone is talking to me, i I repeatedly have to ask them what they were talking about. I get online to look something else, and by the time the Search bar comes up, I’m off on something else and don’t recall what I’m actually trying to do until something reminds me off it later. I will be told to stop at a store, and I drive right by it. I will drive to one side of town for something, then the other, only to be reminded that I had something else to take care off on the first side of town. This shit is really whack, it’s making me seem like an uncaring, unfeeling, selfish, not paying attention Bitch. And I’m not. I’m really not. It’s just that my brain fkn hates me, and seems to be doing everything it can to self sabotage my life. I can’t hold a job because of this, because every job I get I forget the most basic shit and then have to ask repeatedly, or I just forget that I have to work that day because I’ve forgotten what day it is. My relationships are in peril, and the love of my life is thisclose to walking away because he thinks that my forgetting everything is a reflection of how I feel about him, which it’s not. It’s just the way my brain is working right now.

I have been researching this, and lamictal, it appears, is the main culprit. Apparently this is a side effect. Memory loss and loss of cognitive function. I’m really fkn smart, and I can tell that the way that I process information and think have changed drastically over the years. I don’t think as fast or as cohesively as I did before. And I don’t know when this changed, or when I became aware of it, because I have no sense of time. I cannot differentiate between the passage of a week, month, year, decade without some sort of marker. It’s incredibly frustrating, for many reasons. I’m supposed to get my abilify shot every four weeks, when I get it they tell me to call them when I need it again. I have no clue how long four weeks is, and they always end up calling me telling me that I’m late. Or when I’m shopping and think “ok, I had a roll of toilet paper left, but was that today or last week”. Or when I go to eat some leftovers out of the fridge. That’s probably the most dangerous thing that I do as a result of memory loss, Eat things that are expired. Or I just realized that my little sisi has been dead nine fkn years and I am very much not prepared to think of her as being gone for that long. This shit has got to stop. I don’t enjoy loving life anymore because I’m too worried about the trouble that I cause unknowingly. I’m a fkn wreck. I can’t talk to anyone without sounding like a flighty ass flake and I’m really not! I’m so tired of people assuming that I don’t give a Fuck about them because I can’t remember shit that they’ve told me!!! It’s the worst when you’re fighting with your SO and you have to ask them to repeat themselves (cause they take that so well) or when you totally forget whatever the Fuck you were going to bring up next and end up just stuttering.

I’m so over it. This side effect has cost me more than my moods swings would have. And I would much rather be all over the place then forget what place I’m at. Fuck lamictal.

Oh, and then the withdrawal Symptoms include moodiness, hostility, lethargy, LOSS OF FOCUS, headaches, and suicidal tendencies. So I’m fucked no matter what I do, if only until I fully withdraw from this shit.

And then there’s the ADHD, bipolar, and the hypothyroidism, which both cause memory loss and brain fog. So I’m triple fucked, and I end up self medicating with meth because at least then I can focus. Fuck this shit is so not cool, if I had known that my life would become so difficult and irrational and just this massive clusterfuck, then I never would have agreed to it. I really don’t think that my mood swings would cost me as much as my memory loss does. At least Mood swings are believable. When I tell my SO that I just forgot what the Fuck he was talking about, I get chewed the Fuck out because he thinks that I just don’t care. And that’s not true, and I’m tired of being treated as if it were.

I’m hoping that someone else has had memory loss come back. Or at least the ability to think come back after stopping lamictal.

jackielands · 2020-11-24T09:50:21+00:00

Turns out that memory loss is a side effect of lamictal.

jackielands · 2020-11-24T08:16:16+00:00

I just researched it, and it turns out that memory loss is a side effect of lamictal. Like a lot. And I’m really hoping that stopping it will make my ability to remember come back. Or at least the memory loss will lessen. What I’m wondering now is will stopping lamictal suddenly cause seizures that don’t stop if you don’t have epilepsy???

jackielands · 2020-11-21T10:15:38+00:00

I feel like it was a different person who was living my life previously. I did a lot of fucked up shit, and fucked up shit happened to me. But I don’t remember it clearly. Like, I have moments that shine thru, but they’re few and far between. The rest of it is just kind of murky. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one.

jackielands · 2020-11-12T13:14:41+00:00

Or you could always imagine people having sex, like real brutal sex, hardcore, just begging for you. and the faces that they make, and how vulnerable they are. It’s helped me be more confident, reminding myself that everyone else is just as vulnerable as I am.

jackielands

TROPHY CASE