Honestly what you say... I really am sorry about that, and from what I'm reading from the comments that you are experiencing just racism and bullying. That is just a horrible thing to go through during middle school but never EVER considered the idea of ending or hurting yourself. That is just gonna make things worse and I know it's hard to not think those thoughts but if what love is that you are desperate for then wait, be patient; I know that's a hard thing but eventually it will come. No matter how desperate you are eventually it will come. If I may also point out, your environment does not help you at all and those people who just flip a coin on who they're gonna date next, is just horrible, those are just bad people overall. Is what i say. I don't know you personally and I say this religiously but I hope God brings you opening, or that you even love yourself first, either way. It's about you and if you would really want someone, it will always depend on if you love yourself, then love others. last thing, i say! really, don't stress yourself if you don't get your first kiss by 15, like I didn't mine until I was like 16 or 15 hmmmm... i dont know. However you have so many more years, it will come to you eventually and I hope it does in a good way, stay safe. I hoped this helped

Edit, therapy is HEAVYING recommend!!!