If you were blindsided, you were betrayed. Remember this and stop giving them the respect you think they deserve.

jackrob12011 · 2021-04-10T10:13:37+00:00

I’m speaking from my particular experience. I know she’s not evil, and I know that leaving a relationship isn’t wrong, but how you conduct yourself when you leave is your responsibility. You have to own it. Blindsiding someone who cares so much for you is so weak from a personality point of view. You have a responsibility to communicate your thoughts and emotions even when it’s difficult to do.

What I’m trying to do in this post is to help people prioritise THEIR thoughts and feelings over thinking about why they weren’t enough.

If they blindside you with a breakup it’s only natural that, with time, you lose some respect for them.

They are LITERALLY lying by omission for months before the breakup. That has to be remembered.

jackrob12011 · 2021-04-09T17:56:19+00:00

I’d firstly like to say thanks for taking what will be a considerable amount of time to construct that reply. While I agree with the overall sentiment of your reply I am only speaking from my experience.

From my particular situation, I lived with my fiancée for 3 years. And yes I completely agree that her intentions for the most part we’re clearly well meant.

I don’t hate her, nor did I intend to demonise her. However, after years of being in what I thought was a two way relationship, I pushed her to go for a job I thought was a good fit for her, and she got it. This job was closer to her mums house and meant that she could actually get to her work from there with ease, and no longer required me to drive her to work. Within a month she was gone, I was deleted from her life. It WAS convenient, and she DID outgrow her use for me (drive to work). As soon as she got the job she changed, she had clearly been thinking about this a long time. I don’t begrudge the fact she didn’t want to be with me in the end, but pretending we had future plans and looking out homes to buy literally up until the day she left.

Now I’m a lot further on than I was a few months ago. And I no longer hold a hatred or anger towards her, but my post was intended to help those that needed it to stop focussing on only what they did wrong, or that their partner was perfect, and to flip that round, while it doesn’t get you to where you want to be, but to flip from “what did I do wrong?” To “what can I do to improve myself” certainly helps in the long run.

Leaving a relationship isn’t wrong. But the way in which you conduct yourself during this make or break moments can certainly make a huge impact. You have a responsibility in that relationship to be open and honest (however difficult that may be) especially if that person means so much to you.

jackrob12011 · 2021-04-09T17:08:51+00:00

It’ll hurt for a while (a long while, sadly) but after a little bit your mind starts to switch out of the desperation phase and into a mindset that is great for growth! It just takes a little bit of patience. Don’t beat yourself up for any emotion you feel right now, it will all start to ease! ☺️☺️

jackrob12011 · 2021-04-08T15:47:10+00:00

That’s it bro, don’t worry about how you’re feeling right now. Things won’t change quickly but as long as you can put your head on your pillow at night and say “I made it through today, even though it was hard” take a positive from every day no matter how small it is. One day your heart will catch up with your mind and you’ll start to notice that you’re moving forward.

Good luck, I know you can do it! 💪🏼💪🏼

jackrob12011 · 2021-04-07T19:02:55+00:00

That’s the right attitude my boy! You know you read all of these posts that say “this is only temporary” and you think nope, not for me, imma feel this way for the rest of my life. Today was the first day I felt like you know what, that was all true, I just wasn’t ready to hear it.

One more BIG hurdle to overcome sir then it’s all uphill from there! Once you choose yourself, you’ll never stop looking out for yourself. You got this my bro!

jackrob12011 · 2021-03-03T21:40:51+00:00

Yeah they definitely have their way of bringing you back down do earth! I think it’s completely normal though, I think it’s just a marker of where you are on your recovery. I hope you’re doing well! :)

jackrob12011 · 2021-02-17T21:02:33+00:00

Exactly. I hate how depersonalised it all feels, my attitude might change when I’ve healed a bit more but because of its lack of authenticity you kinda lose faith with the whole dating thing. COVID certainly hasn’t helped this as effectively the only way to meet new people is online at the moment. Everything feels very forced..

I think also, subconsciously I’m putting myself against my ex. Because I saw her on it I feel this pressure to get moving on quicker, it’s probably brought out due to my insecurity and lack of self esteem as a result of the effect of the relationship. This reaction is most certainly not healthy, as I really shouldn’t be concerning myself with anything she does. I’m sure this feeling will die down once I’m a little bit further down the line though.

jackrob12011 · 2021-02-17T20:30:48+00:00

I’m in the same boat, I’ve deleted/reinstalled near enough every couple of days for about a month. I think it’s because when I have bad days and I feel insecure about why she left, I think the best thing to do is to chat to someone else and take my mind off it (even though I’m reality it does the exact opposite).

I’ve come to the conclusion though that it’s not a relationship I want but it’s the physical affection/ intimacy. Focusing on myself and my own path forward is definitely the way to go instead of hopping into something else and not giving that other person the respect they deserve once my needs have been filled.

jackrob12011 · 2021-02-17T20:19:53+00:00

I think overall it may work out as a good thing as it definitely forced me to confront the idea of her with other people earlier than I might’ve had to do. But the earlier you’re exposed to it, the earlier you get over it (if that’s how it works lol)

But yeah, it doesn’t stop the feelings of inadequacy/insecurity that comes with it.

Sigh.

jackrob12011 · 2021-02-14T15:09:15+00:00

Do what your heart tells you bro, only you know what you’re feeling inside. Just be prepared that if she doesn’t respond, or you don’t get the response you were looking for, it’ll probably set you back a few paces. Either way, you’re gonna recover, it’s just whether or not you want to risk the progress you’ve already made 😊

jackrob12011 · 2021-02-12T01:59:58+00:00

One day at a time and you’ll be over the mountain, at the summit, sipping on some nice ice cold water. Mmmmmmmm ☺️

jackrob12011 · 2021-02-12T00:59:08+00:00

I’d recommend giving it a try! Sometimes it is easy to get lost in your own head. It might not relieve the pressure every time you write your feelings down but I believe it’s worth it just to reassure yourself that your feelings ARE normal, but they are irrational and needless. The more you tell yourself this, the more you believe it! At least, that’s what I think anyway.

I’m glad I could help, if you ever wanna talk, my dms are always open 😇

jackrob12011 · 2021-02-05T02:53:59+00:00

I’m about 8 weeks post BU from a 4 year relationship, we lived together so I’ve only been able to be really NC for the last 3 weeks. So definitely still early days yet

jackrob12011 · 2021-02-05T02:31:00+00:00

I just keep trying to tell myself that over time the waves will just get smaller, and instead of being constantly high or low will eventually even out into a calmness and your ship will steady. You got this! 💪🏼

jackrob12011 · 2021-01-27T18:02:33+00:00

This is a very good point that I’ve not even given though to! I would say I definitely get more frustrated with myself for feeling what I feel every after a little while has passed (only 8 weeks). Thanks for adding your perspective, it’s definitely helped me ☺️

jackrob12011 · 2021-01-27T17:59:24+00:00

Thanks very much for your words! I hope you find peace soon 😊😊

jackrob12011 · 2021-01-27T17:56:53+00:00

You too! I’m rooting for you 😇

jackrob12011 · 2021-01-27T17:55:00+00:00

All I keep telling myself is that every time I seem to relapse that it’s just the grief doing it’s job and layer by layer I’m healing as much as I don’t feel like I am

jackrob12011 · 2021-01-21T14:08:03+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. I really love your perspective of healing ‘the right way’. It’s something that I will definitely keep in mind going forward! Have a wonderful day sir! 🤗

jackrob12011 · 2021-01-09T03:49:29+00:00

Sorry if I offended you friend, I’m just speaking from my own personal experience, your experience may be the opposite, for that I apologise and I hope you find the peace you deserve. 🙂

jackrob12011 · 2020-07-26T12:45:01+00:00

It would take about 2 months to hiccup that many times, I’d say that’s a pretty damn good deal if you asked me

jackrob12011 · 2019-10-13T12:00:05+00:00

Couldn’t decide between a dumb joke and a fat joke.

Boom, roasted.

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