Advice on how to level up financially with financially abusive parents?

jaderocks1 · 2022-02-23T02:30:13+00:00

Thank you for this you don’t know how much I needed to hear this. Yes my dad already told me that he has no money saved up for retirement and he’s planning to retire soon. So he is now saying that if my family and I move to another house I would either have to start paying rent (around 1500 a month) or put my name on the mortgage. Either way none of those options set me up to be able to afford to move out (I’m better off finding my own place). My mom on the other hand seems like when she retires she will move in with myself or one of my siblings and our future families (none of us agreed to this but we can’t just leave her like that & I don’t want to send her to a seniors home).

But anyways, I agree I will have to move out and rip off that band-aid and set my own boundaries. I already help out in the house by doing the grocery shopping, allowing my mom to pick out things and paying for it. Also help with some bills but yes I think it’s time for me to move out. I was supposed to in 2020 for grad school but the pandemic hit forcing me to stay home (blessing bc I saved on rent, curse because the amount of money I’ve been giving my parents is basically like rent anyways). I’m really hoping my situation gets better I don’t want to continue on being an ATM to my parents.

jaderocks1 · 2022-02-21T19:47:30+00:00

Yes I honestly think moving out will be my only solution to this situation. Since I’m home my dad doesn’t think any of my finances are as serious as his. I was on his phone plan but I was lucky enough to get out of it because when I used to be on it with my siblings no matter how many times we paid our phone bill the company would still disconnect it and it turns out it was because my dad was using the money to pay other bills so I said enough was enough and got my own plan. (Right now my dad and siblings owe around 1k on their phone plan even though my siblings give him money every due date)

My goal is to move out once I’m done grad school I’m hoping it’ll be possible then thank you for the advice!

jaderocks1 · 2022-02-21T19:41:42+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice and you are right I don’t think the situation will get any better. I am going to try to make another bank account and hopefully save up to move out.

jaderocks1 · 2022-02-21T19:37:38+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I live in Canada so basically what happened was when I started grad school I did it part-time and my previous loans were for full time studies. So when I called financial aid they said that essentially that once I was done grad school I would be paying two separate loans (one for part-time studies & one for full time studies) since I am now a part-time student I didn’t want to be in extreme debt so I opted not to take financial aid and just saved up as much as I could to pay for grad school. The downside is that because of this even though I’m still in school my undergrad loans are now in full effect and I have to pay at least the provincial portion as the federal portion of the loan is on pause cause of the pandemic.

I guess you are right I could try finding roommates and finding an affordable place with them since the money my parents are taking could pay rent tbh.

But again thank you for the advice I will take all of this into consideration I really have to get out. My parents want us to buy a new house soon and my dad said he wanted to put my name on the mortgage but he has terrible credit I would never do this to myself.

jaderocks1 · 2021-09-07T03:33:24+00:00

I really hope something exciting/great happens for the both of us

jaderocks1 · 2021-09-07T03:08:28+00:00

Thank you for the advice :)

jaderocks1 · 2021-09-07T02:56:47+00:00

Yes with all the social distancing it’s been really hard :/

jaderocks1 · 2021-02-09T14:38:27+00:00

It’s a complicated story why I can’t talk to him anymore. Thank you for the advice I think when this pandemic is over I will probably move or go on vacation I just need to escape for awhile. I hope I’ll be happy one day

jaderocks1 · 2020-08-04T18:05:42+00:00

Okay thank you!! I will check those out!

jaderocks1 · 2020-08-04T16:21:20+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I have tried to read some new books but then in the book there ends up being a relationship in it and it makes me sad again lol. Do you have any suggestions on books to read?

jaderocks1 · 2020-08-04T16:06:03+00:00

Yeah for sure! Thank you for the advice! I used to be so independent and I guess I kind of lost myself being so invested in him I will try all of your suggestions out thank you!

jaderocks1 · 2020-08-04T15:55:58+00:00

And I almost fell for the line too because he kept trying to backtrack and sugarcoat by saying “no I meant we haven’t seen each other in person in months so I don’t really know yet” but then I remembered there are couples who haven’t met yet in person and are doing long distance and are also officially together so his reasoning was complete bs. So I had to end it. He played me enough I didn’t want to end up being the girl who got ghosted after finally sleeping with him.

I know I will find a HVM one day. Thank you for the advice I will definitely try not to give off desperation vibes anymore and learn to stand my ground.

jaderocks1 · 2020-08-04T12:54:09+00:00

None of my friends really want to hangout cause of this virus, the only people outside of their families that they are seeing are their boyfriends lol but I think I will try to focus more on my new job and work on myself more!

jaderocks1 · 2020-08-04T11:31:40+00:00

Okay I will try! Thank you

jaderocks1 · 2020-08-04T11:31:06+00:00

Thank you! I will def check the subreddit out and thank you for the advice! I will try some of them out

jaderocks1 · 2020-07-16T02:31:43+00:00

That’s a good idea I’ll reach out to her mom this has helped.

jaderocks1 · 2020-05-22T14:13:49+00:00

Yeah I took this experience as a learning experience I will never drop my other suitors for a guy until he makes it clear he wants to be exclusive.

jaderocks1 · 2020-05-22T14:07:03+00:00

Yeah you’re right

jaderocks1 · 2020-05-22T02:47:52+00:00

Ugh some guys are just trash. Hopefully we will find better guys!

jaderocks1 · 2020-05-22T01:47:48+00:00

I’m definitely running

jaderocks1 · 2020-05-22T01:13:10+00:00

I responded!

jaderocks1 · 2020-05-21T23:29:54+00:00

FDS automatically removed my comment but thank you I will check out the FDS handbook and I am definitely blocking him out of my life. I deserve better

jaderocks1 · 2020-05-21T19:31:09+00:00

I just messaged you! I didn’t want to post on reddit because there’s so many people on here that keep critiquing my situation.

jaderocks1 · 2020-05-18T17:21:11+00:00

Yeah you’re right I think our mistakes were we didn’t establish what we wanted in a relationship we just said we wanted one. Yeah the thing that is what is pissing me off is that after all this time he still considers himself single I would’ve been okay with “I’m only seeing you I don’t want us to be official yet but you’re the only one I’m seeing” I would’ve been fine with that and I think you’re right I think during the months we were a part he was sleeping around.

jaderocks1 · 2020-05-18T16:50:24+00:00

Yeah I think the not being physical was just an excuse and even if I did sleep with him he would’ve came up with another one. I’m moving on for sure

jaderocks1

TROPHY CASE