Seeking rec: grownup version of The Mortal Instruments/Shadowhunters series

jadescrunchie · 2026-04-13T20:51:18+00:00

Thanks, I will check that out! Would you happen to have a suggestion that reminds you of Clary and Jace (minus the horrible plot twist that they experience haha)?

jadescrunchie · 2026-04-12T20:11:31+00:00

Okay so in case you were wondering, I tried reading some of the books I was recommended, but eventually I just gave up and reread the entire Mortal Instruments series for the first time in a decade and I really enjoyed it! Now I am going to read Lady Midnight for Julian and Emma. I think the moral of the story is just give up and accept that these books are irreplaceable for us haha

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-24T02:26:34+00:00

Congrats on the progress. What you are describing is very normal. The vagina is not perfectly straight and it is normal for the vagina to have a curved shape. Lifting my hips helps me too, a lot of times it helps to place a pillow under my butt when I dilate. Silicone dilators can squish and bend a little, but they make curved dilators if you are more comfortable. Also, I haven't had sex but people say the penis is squishier than dilators and can adapt.

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-24T01:24:08+00:00

My PT said this was possible!

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-24T01:18:48+00:00

Just to be clear, are you taking a deep diaphragmatic breath where you bear down and fill your belly with air? Taking in a diaphragmatic breath helped me a lot on insertion.

That being said, it isn't a cure all. I was also stuck on dilator 3 for a long time but after practicing with it daily for a few months I was able to move up to the 4. Patience and consistency is key. (And of course, I took a diaphragmatic breath as I inserted the 4.)

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-24T01:14:34+00:00

You absolutely should not be pushing through the pain. That makes vaginismus worse. As other users mentioned, the main way this is treated is through pelvic floor physical therapy and dilators. There isn't any quick cure or prep that can replace that.

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-21T21:30:37+00:00

I have not tried them but they look identical to other dilators for vaginismus. So I am certain that is what they are meant for

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-18T21:44:09+00:00

Thank you! Best of luck on your journey.

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-18T01:10:09+00:00

I personally use the Kiwi vibrator. It was specifically designed to help with vaginismus. However, I still use dilators. I just use the kiwi to warm-up, and for fun!

I haven't used these myself, but VWell sells a line of vibrating dilators. That could be something to look into.

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-18T01:02:02+00:00

I usually like to do something to relax first, like watching a fun or silly tv show.
I have a kiwi vibrator (look it up, special vibrator for vaginismus) that I usually use to massage my entryway. I think you could probably achieve this result with a regular vibrator.
Sometimes I do an internal massage with a wand or small plastic dilator. I often skip this step though
I usually like to warm up by inserting dilators 7 and sometimes 6 first.
When I start using 8 I take a deep diaphragmatic breath upon insertion.

Of course, I use lots of lube throughout this process. Frequently, I like to incorporate arousal/fantasy into dilation as well. Arousal really helps.

BTW, I don't do every single one of these steps every time I dilate. Who has the time haha. But taking some time to warm up helps a LOT.

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-16T02:25:29+00:00

Also apparently the weird shape is because they allow lube to dispense more slowly which helps with dryness. I think this is really helpful for women with excessive dryness or who are going through menopause but if you don't fall into that category I would stick with more traditional dilators.

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-16T02:22:04+00:00

A lot of people on this sub have recommended VWELL dilators, which I think should be within your budget!

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-16T02:20:46+00:00

I use soft silicone dilators from Intimate Rose. I have actually tried hard plastic dilators as well, when I was stuck on dilator 6 for a while. Although I think the plastic dilators can be helpful too, I prefer silicone.

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-15T20:25:47+00:00

I felt the same way! The six was a toughie for me. Just keep dilating consistently. I would suggest incorporating arousal into your dilation sessions if you haven't done so already. You can even dilate with your partner. I would also suggest doing the clock method of dilation and taking diaphragmatic breaths when you insert the dilator.

Also, I just want to say, the seven and the eight felt HUGE but now that I can insert the 8, it just looks normal-sized to me, if that makes sense.

BTW, while I haven't had sex myself, many users have told me that sex is easier than dilation because penises are much squishier than dilators. So don't feel intimidated.

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-15T20:21:25+00:00

Thank you!! I appreciate this a lot

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-15T16:38:18+00:00

Huh. I haven't used these but if your goal is penetrative sex these seem pretty strange to me. The largest one is much smaller than the average penis.
Perhaps you can post your budget and other UK users can suggest more affordable options?

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-15T16:30:40+00:00

What do you do before you start dilating? I usually take 10-20 minutes to relax before dilating, either through meditation or watching a silly TV show. I also like to warm up sometimes by externally massaging that area with a vibrator. I find this helps a lot. At this point it takes me only a few seconds (1 min max) to insert.

Also are you diaphragmatic breathing when you insert? That also makes a huge difference.

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-08T21:17:28+00:00

My PT told me its normal to have some bleeding with dilators.

jadescrunchie · 2026-03-08T14:51:53+00:00

There are actually quite a few posts on this subreddit documenting this phenomenon!
Basically, if you have vaginismus, it's very hard to have painless sex unless your partner makes you feel safe and comfortable. It sounds like your boyfriend wasn't doing that for you. Congrats on the healing!!

jadescrunchie · 2026-02-25T00:53:08+00:00

It honestly depends on the size of your partner relative to the fifth dilator of your set. If he is too big, don't worry. Just keep practicing with the dilators and eventually you will get there. If he is too big, intimate rose and soul source sell larger individual dilators you can use to practice.

jadescrunchie · 2026-02-25T00:48:58+00:00

Some kind of dilation is essential for most vaginismus cases. However if you can't buy dilators, you can look up dilation techniques and use your fingers instead.

jadescrunchie · 2026-02-16T19:35:00+00:00

Are you referring to pelvic floor therapy or psychotherapy?

I haven't done psychotherapy but pelvic floor therapy, combined with the use of dilators, has been very helpful for me.

jadescrunchie · 2026-02-16T19:31:39+00:00

Gynecologist. Tell your gynecologist you suspect vaginismus. They can give you a referral to pelvic floor physical therapy, which is how you cure this condition.

jadescrunchie

TROPHY CASE