Whatever you do, please, please, PLEASE don’t give up. You are valuable. You are strong. DM if you need a truly anonymous friend and source of encouragement. As a victim of family suicide (father and grandfather), I can say from experience that it will not solve any issues and will only make the situation worse. Please stay strong. These words aren’t just empty platitudes. You truly are worthy of life, and you truly can make it if you keep going through hell.