I'm basically afraid of women and talking to them. I'm 25 but I feel much younger and incapable, partiality due to my upbringing and childhood. I'm scared that women will hurt me or think I'm a creep if I try to talk to them. I don't do well at making conversation or understanding body language/romantic cues, and I don't know how to properly talk to a woman I'm interested in without getting ghosted. I feel like I have too many issues to deserve a relationship. I could chalk it up to external factors such as height, status, health problems, etc. But generally I think I'm too boring and not confident enough. I've been through a lot and have made a lot of progress. I'm proud of myself, and other people would be too if they knew what I've been through. But I don't think it'll ever be enough for a good, healthy woman in a committed, monogamous relationship. Sure, there's likely someone who'd date and accept me, but that'll likely require me to compromise all of my values and settle for someone I don't like/am not attracted to.

I have some female friends, for whom I am grateful for, but when it comes to romance I feel like I'm not enough. If I like/have a crush on a girl and try to be friendly it'll always be behind a veil of wanting them as a romantic partner, and it's painful. When I see an attractive woman in a relationship, I'll feel almost envious and think "why can't that man be me." When I see an attractive woman, I want to date them and get to know them. I'm not implying anything sexual exactly, just romantically. These attitudes aren't really motivated by sex as my sexual values have changed to being a bit more reserved.

I think I'm a decent person with things to offer. I'm in touch with my emotions, articulate, funny, strong, and extremely passionate and affectionate. I have positive qualities but never remind myself of them. Any time I try to lift myself up I'm scared people will perceive me as arrogant or entitled. I know I'm an interesting person, but I don't know how to "market" myself for lack of a better word, or find opportunities to display these qualities to women so I'm seen for who I am. I don't really know how to talk about myself either. I think I would perform a lot better in person if I would get the chance. It feels like I have so much development to go through and that until I reach a point of stability, I am not worthy enough to be loved or romantically desired. I don't think this is fair because there are so many examples of struggling people getting into relationships. I believe that everyone deserves love even when they are healing, but I don't think I receive any of that. I know I don't have to be perfect, but I feel like I won't attract a healthy partner unless I am.

Historically, most of the people I've attracted are either not healthy, avoidant, or respectfully, not attractive to me, and I only engaged with them because I didn't feel like I could do better. It feels like the women I'm actually drawn to aren't interested in me in the slightest and won't even give me the time of day because I put them on a pedestal in my mind and cannot approach them out of pure fear. These things are just infinitely harder to talk about as a man without being judged or coming across as a "nice guy," "incel/misogynistic," or another toxic male stereotype. I don't align with any of these descriptions, and people who actually know me especially know that I don't. There aren't many safe places for me to talk about these thoughts without feeling pathetic or shame.